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to be annoyed that my MIL goes in my room?!

(156 Posts)
lightsussex Wed 05-Oct-16 14:04:54

Firstly, this isn't a MIL bashing thread, well, I don't mean to be! We do all tend to get on. They live far away, so she can stay for a while to spend time for GC. Thats all fine. However, when she is here she will go in our room and tidy up - basically go through the wash basket, put clothes away, take clothes out of the wardrobe to iron them (I rarely iron!). Once, she forgot to bring her face moisturiser, I was about to say 'borrow mine' but she said 'luckily I found yours in your bedside table'.....

DH doesn't really see it as a issue but I can't cope with it, just hate the thought of her going through my things and sorting stuff out. DH has said not to say anything as she can be 'sensitive' and is 'just trying to help'. I'd prefer her to spend the time playing with the kids, rather than going through my dirty washing!! AIBU?!

Penhacked Wed 05-Oct-16 14:06:51

Nope. Absolutely not. Just because she is his mother doesnt mean she can treat you both like children.

PatMullins Wed 05-Oct-16 14:08:17

Can you lock your door?

PatMullins Wed 05-Oct-16 14:09:42

YANBU, by the way.

CalmItKermitt Wed 05-Oct-16 14:10:03

YANBU in the slightest. That's very inappropriate.

Put a lock on the door.

ferriswheel Wed 05-Oct-16 14:11:10

I would hate that. Yadnbu

MidnightRunner87 Wed 05-Oct-16 14:13:24

Yanbu we used to have this with bil-just walking into our room going through our shared wardrobe to get a top or rooting through our things to see if he could find something. I put a key lock on the door-he still didn't take the hint. Dh also asked me not to say anything at the time as he's 'sensitive' imo that's just code for an adult who tantrums when they don't get their own way, which he did do when I expressly asked him to stop going in our room...after the tears he did stop though.

Arfarfanarf Wed 05-Oct-16 14:13:29

Yes put a lock on your door. If anything's said say it's because the kids keep going in and messing around.

Or you could say its because she wont stay the fuck out grin

BertrandRussell Wed 05-Oct-16 14:14:01

Does she have daughters? And if so, does she do the same to them?

lightsussex Wed 05-Oct-16 14:14:34

I closed the door last time she was here but that wasn't enough of a hint. She had emptied out our bag from our night away. It was tucked away, round the side of the bed, cos I thought she wouldn't see it there!! ...I sometimes feel embarrassed, as she must just think I'm so messy/lazy!!

PatMullins Wed 05-Oct-16 14:15:10

Throwing a strop at not being able to access someone else's private space is just bonkers.

takesnoprisoners Wed 05-Oct-16 14:15:15

Mine took to sleeping in our bed during the day. Found her in my bed when I had to come home early. Oh, she won't be stepping foot in my room anymore. I made sure of that. YANBU! Put an end to this soon, or you will never be able to stop her.

WindPowerRanger Wed 05-Oct-16 14:15:22

Things like this, I think you just tell people straight out, politely. So bite the bullet and say "I don't want you to go in our room please, MIL. I appreciate you are doing things to help, but it is very much our private space." Stick to that simple message no matter what she says in reply. She may always have done it to/for DH, but he's married to you now and that changes things. It isn't just a rule for her, it applies to your parents, etc

If she cries, say "I'm really sorry you are upset, but I am not budging on this. It isn't a reflection on you, it is just something that's important to me." And repeat and repeat.

Arfarfanarf Wed 05-Oct-16 14:15:26

Or. I suppose a terrifying collection of sex toys, bondage gear and lube kept in your drawers is childish? ...

HalfShellHero Wed 05-Oct-16 14:16:20

Nope nope nope, my MIL provides a lot of childcare and cleans a lot when she's here, she never goes in our room though and it's how it should be that's your private space.

TheNoodlesIncident Wed 05-Oct-16 14:17:43

shock Yes, leave a gimp costume on your bed, like you're planning to wear it later. Or your DH is.

AmeliaJack Wed 05-Oct-16 14:17:48

"Mil, it's lovely having you here. Please don't go into our room for anything, I keep that room private"

Say it with a big smile and a firm tone. Repeatedly until she gets it.

And speak to your DH again. Privacy from visitors is very important.

Cherylene Wed 05-Oct-16 14:17:52

Leave her a pile of laundry in the kitchen ready next time wink

And yes - skanky things around the room to see what it takes to embarrass her grin

lightsussex Wed 05-Oct-16 14:19:04

OMG takesnoprisoners I don;t think she'd sleep in our bed!

HalfShellHero Wed 05-Oct-16 14:19:38

Noodle grin

PatMullins Wed 05-Oct-16 14:20:00

May I suggest one of these if a lock isn't a option?

Whatabloodyidiot1 Wed 05-Oct-16 14:21:13

I had similar with my MIl, she offered to clean the house whilst we were on holiday (so far so good) except when we returned home I discovered she had thrown away ALL of our bedding, duvet, pillows, sheets, the lot. And replaced everything with cheap nasty polyester crap and some questionable silver satin bedding......
It took years for me to get my pillows 'just right' !
I went apeshit, she totally crossed the line.

BabooshkaKate Wed 05-Oct-16 14:21:51

What have you done up until this point? My answer depends on that.

lightsussex Wed 05-Oct-16 14:22:08

Ha, yes I shall leave out lots of embarrassing things although I have a feel either she wouldn't care or probably not never notice! Glad I'm not being unreasonable. DH really doesn't care but I think it cos she has always tidied up after him and she treats me the same.

ImperialBlether Wed 05-Oct-16 14:22:34

Oh god, PatMullins, that looks like it would belong in a museum of torture!

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