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Childcare for DS...Family offers a bit strained...I want to use paid for childcare now

(6 Posts)
grouchyoscar Wed 07-Feb-07 10:23:14

DS is 3.5, very enthusiastic and boisterious
I am under pressure for my time courses/bridesmaid duties/hospital appointments etc. I sometimes call on MIL to keep an eye on him while I go or get back. I also have MS and during exaccerbations I need a bit of assistance.
Thing is it's always shoe horned it around other requirements, usually the requirements of their older grandchild, and my FIL's overwhelming requirement to bowl 24/7. Everything is always rushed, there seems to be a lot of bad feeling and I don't think it does DS's attitude any good.
I am prepared to pay for ad hoc local childcare to give him a more calmer going on. I know it will upset MIL but the situation is not good.
I'm a tad miffed as SIL earns over 25K, I earn nothing but she has never considered paying for childcare. Her child seems of greater importance to the ILs During my last MS flare up (worst it had been for a while) I got no help as they had to collect, deliver the other grandchild and I had to cope alone.(yeah, I'm being bitter/jealous now) and as a result I'm prepared to pay so I don't feel DS is creating a problem and so we can have a more structured going on.
I constantly get 'I treat them both exactly the same' told to me when it's quite obvious the first grandchild gets the cake and DS just has to pick up the crumbs IYKWIM.
So am I being unreasonable seeking external childcare knowing it will upset MIL
AIBU feeling hurt by having to consider it?
Or maybe I just want a big whing

stevie74 Wed 07-Feb-07 15:06:41

Hi there. I think childcare is a personal thing and you should do what makes your family happy - not your IL's.
My dad looked after my DD when I went back to work for a year but then I put her into nursery when she was 18mths. He was a bit miffed thinking it was a slur on his child rearing skills but in actual fact it was best for my daughter as he is 70 this year & disabled & she was a lively, boisterous 18mth old and needed more interaction than he could give. A year on & he agree's with my decision completely & is relieved that I did put her into nursery as he openly admits he couldn't cope with her now (2.5yrs)
As for favouritism with IL's grandchildren, i know exactly what you mean. My DD was the 1st grandchild, great grandchild, niece etc on both sides, DD2 the 2nd, yet the 3rd grandchild is the only one that is seen by them or counts. My DD x2 just get the obligatory cards & presents sent on special occasions. Bitter? After a while you come to realise that it's them thats missing out & the kids will know this as they grow up too so why worry yourself.
Do what you believe is right. You have a need for help & if they're not prepared to give it when it's required (MS) then they aren't really giving you much option but to look elsewhere.
Hope it works out OK

lizziemun Wed 07-Feb-07 15:37:33

I would look for outside childcare explaining to your il's that you feel that you are putting to much pressure on their time as they have other requirements with your sil family. Turn it around so it sounds like you are doing them a favour and thinking about them.

Bozza Wed 07-Feb-07 15:41:07

There is no harm in looking for a certain level of outside childcare but keeping the option of using the ILs open.

Lymmmummy Tue 21-Feb-17 22:57:59

Yes look outside as time goes on you will need/benefit from regular scheduled childcare so maybe best to accept that early on

As for not being a favourite these things happen best make you LO life busy and happy with other things rather than worry on what they won't get compared to their cousin

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Tue 21-Feb-17 23:03:00

Given the thread is 10 years old, the OP has probably sorted out her issues by now... the DS is 13...

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