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Aibu? Why should I explain why I had dc?

(38 Posts)
PeppasNanna Wed 05-Oct-16 10:04:32

Chatting to a mum at playgroup this morning. She asks if I will have another dc.

I explained dd is my 6th dc.

I effectively have 2 families. Older dc in their 20's.I'm a grandmother.

I have 2 ds with ASD.

She replies, ' Bet you wish, you hadn't had the younger dc'.

I was so surprised, I didn't reply.
Seriously, I can't get over the cheek of the women!

Or has she a valid point?

LineyReborn Wed 05-Oct-16 10:09:55

The curious and the dim will always be with us, along with the foot-in-mouthers, I'm afraid.

TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot Wed 05-Oct-16 10:10:42

It sounds like a rude thing to say, but maybe she's just not very good at small talk and didn't want an awkward silence so just spoke without even realising what she was saying and not meaning it. Chances are she's now cringing over what she said.

But no, YANBU you don't have to explain to her or anyone why you had any of your children.

MrsHulk Wed 05-Oct-16 10:10:55

That's very rude. If she says anything like it again, I'd pull her up on it. And of course you're right, you don't need to explain your choices to her!

WorraLiberty Wed 05-Oct-16 10:13:19

Are you seriously asking us if she had a valid point??

jessica29054 Wed 05-Oct-16 10:13:31

Well it's hardly a valid point in that context is it!

Perhaps if you'd been discussing the pros and cons of a big family it would have been.

You must KNOW it wasn't a valid point!

PeppasNanna Wed 05-Oct-16 10:20:26

In RL I dont know anyone with 6 dc.

My dc range from 2 -27.

My younger ds's having ASD makes life pretty mental. I didn't know my older ds had ASD when i had my younger ds.

Dd2 was a very happy surprise.

In my family, we are unusual. All my siblings have either 2 dc or none.

I question myself, as to why I had more dc.
My life is very different now.

The lady touched a raw nerve this morning...

jessica29054 Wed 05-Oct-16 10:21:03

Can't do much about it now can you? smile

MrsJayy Wed 05-Oct-16 10:25:53

But all your children are here now I know a few families where age ranges differ life is what we make of it . You seem to be having a major wobble about your family choices are you that concerned what randoms think of you ? Please don't give it a second thought

PeppasNanna Wed 05-Oct-16 10:31:05

Thank you MrsJayy.
Normally I don't give a hoot what people think.

Skin of a rino. My boys are very socially delayed & there isn't much they haven't done in public that's embarrassed me!

Your right I am having a wobble about my life choices actually the lack of choices, if I'm honest.

jessica29054 Wed 05-Oct-16 10:32:23

What sort of wobble? flowers

VladmirsPoutine Wed 05-Oct-16 10:36:56

She clearly hit a nerve. Your set up does sound hard but it's your life and you're making it work. She can get to fuck. I personally couldn't handle 6 children but I've no need to announce that to anyone who does.

Manumission Wed 05-Oct-16 10:37:50

What a breathtakingly rude woman!

PeppasNanna Wed 05-Oct-16 10:40:41

jessica as in I'm now a middle aged, exhausted parent with very few life choices.

No career any more. Had to sell my business.
Reality of being my ds carer for the rest of my life.
The reality of his level of need.
Never going to be able to move.
The increasing fight for very limited services.
The physical cost to my body. Increasing ill health...

ohfourfoxache Wed 05-Oct-16 10:41:06

It's not you, it's her. She sounds utterly socially inept

Manumission Wed 05-Oct-16 10:41:07

Your tough patch is your tough patch. Nobody else gets to comment on your (perfectly reasonable) life choices.

Raising DC with SN is very hard, you're allowed to feel down.

MrsJayy Wed 05-Oct-16 10:43:04

peppasnana that sounds really difficult do you have much support around you ?

ItShouldHaveBeenJess Wed 05-Oct-16 10:46:43

peppa. I only have the one DS with ASD and I fully empathise with how you feel about level of need and lack of life choices. You're doing grand. I'm well aware how it can only take one comment (or dirty look when DS is having a public tantrum) to bring your mood right down. flowers

BewtySkoolDropowt Wed 05-Oct-16 10:49:05

She's just thinking about how she would feel in your shoes and projecting. Tbh I wouldn't want to go through it all again now - my youngest is 18 - but that's my feelings, not yours. Just like those were her feelings. She shouldn't have expressed them in the way she did, but we can all speak without thinking at times.

If you are happy with your choices you probably would find it easy to brush off.

I hope this tough patch gets easier soon. I found the early years hard as it was without any additional difficulties. You'll get past this.

DerekSprechenZeDick Wed 05-Oct-16 10:49:21

My mum has 7 between ages of 5 and 26. She's had similar comments. She also has a grandchild.

That woman was rude. Ignore her. flowers

Tissunnyupnorth Wed 05-Oct-16 10:51:47


I think that's the only reply we need, loved it!

Agerbilatemycardigan Wed 05-Oct-16 10:52:43

Sorry to hear that things aren't too good Peppasnana flowers

Unfortunately there are too many people out there with what my late father called verbal diarrhoea. They open their dumb mouths and shit just pours out.

She was totally out of order.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Wed 05-Oct-16 10:54:58

My kids also range from 27-2 but I have 11. I just smile and ignore the negative comments now. . I am also a gm and my 2 year old has been an uncle for 7 months! People just open their months and rubbish comes out unfortunately. .

You're not the only one with an age gap between children! I'm 18, my oldest (half) sister is 41 and my oldest niece is 22 confused

garlicandsapphire Wed 05-Oct-16 11:08:35

I bet you wish you hadn't just opened your mouth. Because loving kids is just a numbers game isn't it..

Rude and stupid.

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