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Would this annoy you? My mum always makes out that DH and I are poor

(114 Posts)
MoonBabyMoonBaby Tue 04-Oct-16 16:26:25

DH and I both have decently paid jobs and a comfortable lifestyle. My Dsis and her husband both have jobs of a similar nature/pay and enjoy a comfortable lifestyle too. My Dsis has always been favoured by my mum.

My mum constantly makes comments making out that DH and I are poor and that my sister and BIL are not poor. For example we have decorated our living room in the past few weeks and bought new furniture. I spoke to my mum on the phone last night and she said we'd done well decorating it especially since we "Only have DH's and my earnings coming in". I said we both earn a decent salary but she just ignored me. We get comments like this ALL THE TIME! It infuriates me. She will then in the next breath start talking about what a good job my sister has and about how they can afford expensive things.

She also, all the time goes on and on about how she hates the benefits system but doesn't mind paying into the system at the moment as DH and I apparently get benefits. We get no benefits at all, not even child benefit, and no matter how many times I re-iterate that we don't get any benefits she still seems to think that we do.

She also quizzes me all the time about everything that the DCs and I wear, asking if it's new and how much did it cost, and making comments like "I don't know, all these new clothes, wasting money that you don't have", even when we are not wearing anything new at all and I've never ever said to her that I spend money that we don't have.

AIBU to be pissed off with these comments?

Imnotaslimjim Tue 04-Oct-16 16:29:16

YANBU at all, that would drive me bonkers. If you're not getting CB then you're on fairly decent money.

Have you any idea where she has got the idea that you're not well off? I'd be considering having a frank talk with her and telling her to pack it in!

DerekSprechenZeDick Tue 04-Oct-16 16:29:33

Dress the kids in rags and send the round.

Buy a huge tv and tell her benefits have you it

Next time she asks how much your top was say it cost you two blow jobs down an alley but worth it.

Just stop telling her things.

jessica29054 Tue 04-Oct-16 16:30:25


How bloody annoying!

Petal02 Tue 04-Oct-16 16:30:35

This would drive me up the wall!!!

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Tue 04-Oct-16 16:34:10

Let her carry on and bite your tongue.
When she is ancient and even more of a pita she won't come to you to fund her care home - but straight to your sis! grin

Thinkingblonde Tue 04-Oct-16 16:34:32

Suggest she go and see her doctor as her short term memory seems to be deteriorating, or tell her to mind her own business.

Ninasimoneinthemorning Tue 04-Oct-16 16:40:09

Suggest she go and see her doctor as her short term memory seems to be deteriorating

This ^^^^

My DGM Is similar and makes up her own version of events. I used to get so frustrated, she actually makes stuff up about my children when they were little and tells me as if she is their parent. I'm just actually very short with her now and it works some what.

areyoubeingserviced Tue 04-Oct-16 16:43:46

This is what I would say
'Yes i agree with you ,we are waiting for you to kick the bucket so that we can inherit everything. Dsis won't need it '
I would then smile sweetly

areyoubeingserviced Tue 04-Oct-16 16:45:31

By the way Op you are a grown woman you don't have to explain yourself to your mother.

daisychainn Tue 04-Oct-16 16:46:02

She sounds like my Nan! Every time I get a phone call from her it's 'what do you need me to buy you? Can I help financially in any way?' I know she's only trying to help but it does get on my nerves, dp has a very good job and she has absolutely no reason to think we're struggling financially. She's constantly telling us to put ourselves on the council list or claim some sort of benefits (we wouldn't even qualify for any finiancial help of this sort even if we needed it!) She sends us shopping vouchers in the post etc me and dm have both spoken to her and told her to save her money and spend it on herself but she continues to think we have no money! Dp bought himself a new car a few months back, quite a flashy one that he's wanted for years! When she saw the car she said 'at least you can sell it for money when you need to' I was abithmm if we needed to sell it we wouldn't have bought it in the first place!
I don't know where they get these ideas from

Batteriesallgone Tue 04-Oct-16 16:46:07

Derek grin

Ninasimoneinthemorning Tue 04-Oct-16 16:48:54

daisy we get tesco stamps for Xmas off my DGM to help with food.

Dh owns a few rental properties and two other buisness hmm


Goldenhandshake Tue 04-Oct-16 16:51:18

She sounds like my Dad, he assumes we have no money, despite the fact I actually earn more than any of my siblings or his own wife for that matter. With him, it is a sad case of him being bitter that I am earning more than he anticipated I ever would, and more than he did at the same age. He likes you to do well, but not as well as him, especially if he has had no hand in it.

When announcing my pregnancy with DC2, his first sentence was 'well however will you afford that?'.

Some people just won't be told, I likeareyoubeingserviced suggested come back.

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet Tue 04-Oct-16 16:54:09

Sit down with her and ask her where she gets the idea from that you're poor. Lay it on the line that you don't get benefits, you are nowhere near qualifying for benefits, and in fact you are comfortably off. Warn her that if she insists on carrying on the way she has done, you are going to have to assume that she has a problem with her memory and get medical treatment for her, and if she does it in public you will have to let people know that.

BurningBridges Tue 04-Oct-16 16:54:26

hmm, my late MiL used to do this, joined enthusiastically by BiL his wife. We'd bought a car (I'm talking 30 years ago) when we first got together then had to return it as we couldn't keep up payments. Cue many many years of them all going on about how poor we were. However, just before this, they'd had their house re-possessed. Never mentioned that though.

If we did have anything nice for example when we bought our house, they'd either refuse to acknowledge it or say it was in a poor area (its in a very well to do area) - I think these sort of people just like to piss on your chips. If you can afford the chips that is, you poor dears.

PNGirl Tue 04-Oct-16 16:59:59

This is odd. If you were an only child I would think it was just that she still thinks of you as a kid in your first job. I also don't understand how she thinks you claim benefits having been told you don't - does she think you are lying or does she have some kind of memory issue developing?

AcrossthePond55 Tue 04-Oct-16 17:00:56

Very odd. Is it at all possible that your Dsis has lied to Mum about their income? Could they possibly have another source of income you don't know about? Or that Dsis's 'priorities' in spending are more in line with what your mum thinks are indicative of wealth or are 'flashier' than yours? For example, your Dsis and Bil take expensive holidays, buy expensive items, and you and DH prefer to save money, like less expensive things or go camping so Mum thinks you're 'poor'?

Otherwise, it's just plain rude. But as others have said, you are under no obligation to tell your mum a damn thing about your income OR your outgoings.

Happyinthehazeofadrunkenhour Tue 04-Oct-16 17:02:16


Wooftweetwooftweet Tue 04-Oct-16 17:02:50

I recognise this from my own parents.
We have better jobs and pay than my sister's family. We live in a much smaller house but are treated as if we struggle to get by but work very hard for the pittance we earn.
If we ever talk about some fancy purchase or something, my mum will recommend the cheaper one for us and the premium one for my sister.

Its funny really and funny the way we slot into these roles that they define for us and they stick for ever.
I'm also known to be stingy (from my student broke days) and despite splashing out on fabulous presents for my mother lately, she still brings up up stingy I am; it seems its a label that will never be dropped.

I laugh about it now and the poor thing works in our favour. My sister lives in a huge house she can't afford to pay for with colossal upkeep bills. I'm much happier in my house even if people think we are poor.

I wouldn't be pissed off, Id correct her once and then let live. If she's decided that about you, what harm can it do.

Frustratedmamabear Tue 04-Oct-16 17:04:06

I adore my mother but have a smiler problem. Everything we spend ££ on gets evaluated.
I have taken to replacing hand lotion and hand wash in the basin for cheaper versions when I know she's on her way. As I type that, I realise how bonkers it is!

Have you ever said anything that makes her think you might be more financially tight than you really are? I once mentioned keeping an eye on our expenditure because we weren't saving much for a few months and we really should have been given take-home and I think that's where it started?

APlaceOnTheCouch Tue 04-Oct-16 17:04:14

Either she's batshit crazy or your DSIS has a secret inheritance that supplements their income (hence why your DM thinks they have more) or once in the annuls of time, you or your DH complained about being unable to afford something.
Is there a reason why you can't just ask her? ie 'I'm worried that you're concerned about our finances even though we earn the same as DSIS - is there a reason you're worried? how can I reassure you?'

areyoubeingserviced Tue 04-Oct-16 17:05:48

Agree with Across- your dsis may be a bit flashy whereas you are more humble.
Therefore , she may assume that you don't have much.

Capricorn76 Tue 04-Oct-16 17:09:44

Are you younger than DSIS? I only ask because there are lots of news stories about younger people increasingly struggling financially compared to older people and maybe she's got it into her head that you're part of that group?

Roseformeplease Tue 04-Oct-16 17:11:45

Does she do it the other way round when talking to your sister? Is it a weird way of getting you to compete? It is just my Mum used to do this a bit.

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