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To understand what DM meant?

(10 Posts)
MoonStar07 Tue 04-Oct-16 13:27:35

I spoke with DM last night about chemo (that she had got through about 4 years ago) for ovarian cancer. We also talked about diabetes (she has been recently diagnosed type 2) we were talking through dietary changes and what awful repercussions there are of not controlling your diet. She recognises she needs to make some changes but then went on to say 'I've brought my children up yes I have grandchildren but you can look after your own children. She then said she would not be bothered if she died now.' DM is not old by any standard! Mid 50s! Of course she loves her GC and my sibling and I. But it's really disturbed me coming off the phone last night when she said she's not afraid of death or dying. AIBU to upset by this? I feel she's being fatalistic. That there is so much to live for. She was a bit lump in throat as she was speaking. I found it a hard conversation. It's left me shook up.

DerekSprechenZeDick Tue 04-Oct-16 13:29:18

She's trying to accept the worse case scenario I think.

MoonStar07 Tue 04-Oct-16 13:34:40

I'm wondering if she's depressed

VioletBam Tue 04-Oct-16 13:34:57

I think it's just that she's faced her own mortality flowers It does change your outlook. It's not that she's dying or anything OP.

MoonStar07 Tue 04-Oct-16 14:00:22

I guess that must be it. Hard conversation to have

Realhousewivesofshit Tue 04-Oct-16 14:07:57

She's being a mother and trying to reassure you she's ok.

However making life style changes are difficult and it must be hard to have endured chemo for cancer and now being told she has diabetes.

I wouldn't mention awful repercussions on not changing her diet and don't nag her. Sure she will when she comes to terms with this new diagnosis.
Just be there to listen.

madgingermunchkin Tue 04-Oct-16 14:19:06

You can actually want to live while not being afraid of dying.

Dying is a fact of life and something that happens to us all at some point. You will still die whether you fear it or not.

chaplin1409 Tue 04-Oct-16 14:23:38

It sounds like your mother has been through a lot. The cancer its self is a very emotional thing to get through. My mother too had Ovarian cancer but sadly did not get through it. Maybe she made peace with her self a long time ago and is ok if the worst happens. Maybe she is not meaning it as she wants to die but she knows you are all ok now??

JustSpeakSense Tue 04-Oct-16 14:29:35

I think one day, when your DM has passed away, you will find comfort in this conversation, that she felt she had lived her life to the full and was at peace.

My DM died pretty young and I found a 'bucket list' (a file of pictures, newspaper clippings, articles and handwritten notes of all the places she wished to visit, restaurants she wanted to try, books she planned to read etc) it broke my heart that she never got to do all those things.

If I had a similar conversation I would've accepted losing her a lot easier.

Maybe she was trying to reassure you not to worry too much

MoonStar07 Tue 04-Oct-16 14:49:25

Yes I know. I didn't mention the awful repercussions by the way! She's been googling and reading up on it. She's struggling with the diabetes diagnosis. She's been through a lot and yes she's so so so brave and amazing.

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