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Aibu to think some people just don't cope out in the world?

(90 Posts)
woahtherenow Mon 03-Oct-16 20:27:11

I have always felt like the world is a confusing and scary place. I have managed 30 odd years of life, went to uni and married and had 6 children.

But I still feel like that. I don't cope in the world.
I have never managed to keep a job, even working for dh I failed and ended up having so much anxiety he pretty much begged me to stay home as I was getting so anxious I was scratching myself raw without even noticing.

I cope well in the day in the house I am happy I get on with things but in the evening I don't know why but I just collapse I have my routine of snuggling under my duvet and reading (I read a lot) or browsing my phone but often I'm fighting off panic attacks etc. I feel totally fine until 6-7 then for some reason it changes. The thought of an evening out fills me with horror.

I overthink things and panic about everything - o wish I could just collapse on the floor and say help meeee!!!

I take flouxitene which has helped a little.


Aibu to think that actually since I have been like this my whole life maybe some people just don't cope?

I should add that I sound pathetic here but in real life I manage to put on a pretty good front - which is why I'm thinking maybe a lot of other people to too.

QueenLizIII Mon 03-Oct-16 20:35:06

No. Most people do cope in the world.

The life you describe, stuck in the house hiding away reading in the evening is a life that would terror me. Such an utter waste of a life to spend it in the house.

Sounds like you have a major depressive / anxiety disorder. Agoraphobia?

RoboticSealpup Mon 03-Oct-16 20:35:45

It sounds like you need more help with your anxiety and panic syndrome than you're currently getting. Have you tried counselling? Other medications? Beta blockers work very well for my situational anxiety - I take them for job interviews and public speaking.

snakesalive Mon 03-Oct-16 20:36:24

Maybe ,you are overwhelmed? 6 children is a lot..I bet you cope with them through out the day,and collapse at night exhausted...

acornsandnuts Mon 03-Oct-16 20:37:59

I hear you. I'm not as bad but I do have to force myself into the world. It's more like it's my preferred place.

snakesalive Mon 03-Oct-16 20:38:47

Perhaps you need some help....who wouldn't with 6 kids..I bearly manage 4. Can you get a cleaner for a while,something to help ease the load

PNGirl Mon 03-Oct-16 20:38:52

No, most of us do not feel like this. The only people I know who do have some kind of anxiety disorder such ad agoraphobia - they believe their house is the only safe place or fear being more than a few minutes away from home in case they collapse, etc.

Amandahugandkisses Mon 03-Oct-16 20:41:28

With 6 children you must have had loads of interaction with the outside! Surely? School teacher meetings, outings, events meeting other parents?

IonaNE Mon 03-Oct-16 20:42:07

Most people do cope in the world. If I did not hold down a job, there would be no one to pay the bills and I'd be homeless.

PurpleRainy Mon 03-Oct-16 20:42:08

Im similar. I find life difficult and stressful i have since being a child. I think i have OCD as i think and obsess before i become ill. I cant believe i graduated uni and im in a responsible job with good attendance. I often feel like i cant cope

QueenLizIII Mon 03-Oct-16 20:43:25

Most people do cope in the world. If I did not hold down a job, there would be no one to pay the bills and I'd be homeless.

yeah and this.

SittingAround1 Mon 03-Oct-16 20:45:57

I think there are quite a few people who can't cope in the world. I know a few who have quite minimalist lives/don't hold jobs down for long as a result. It varies. Although with 6 children I don't think you should expect any more from yourself in terms of jobs and getting out there.

Bagina Mon 03-Oct-16 20:46:18

I think that the more we disassociate with the world, the scarier it looks, and anxiety can worsen. Daytime TV and women's magazines add to us being fearful: if you go outside you might get attacked or get cancer (look it happened to this woman). Also the news makes things seem worse.

Society is just society with its ups and downs. No point hiding from it and compounding your anxiety. Good things happen and bad things happen, but better to live your life than hide. Please seek cbt or other counselling. Everyone wants to hide away sometimes but not all the time.

itunscrewstheotherway Mon 03-Oct-16 20:50:31

Your post reminds me a bit of myself, OP. I find a lot of things really overwhelming and am extremely sensitive. It's worse for me at night time too - especially when I wake up in the middle of the night, which brings on feelings of utter despair. I don't think it's normal, but I think you're right that some people are probably a lot more disposed towards feeling like this than others. Might relate to experiences in childhood as well - I think it does in my case, at least.

woahtherenow Mon 03-Oct-16 20:53:43

I should probably clarify - I DO go out I have to do School runs, take the children various places and go shopping. Once a week dh and I even go out at on the evening for a meal and a film or something.

That's what I meant by putting on a front. I do things but the whole time I'm on the verge of panic and counting down the time until it's over.

So we went to a show on the weekend and the whole time I was thinking "ok just another hour ... half hour " etc.

I don't find the children particularly difficult - people assume that having 6 children is the cause of the issue it really isn't o have AlWAYS been like this - which is why I thought maybe it's just how I am and always will be.

Anicechocolatecake Mon 03-Oct-16 20:55:55

I don't struggle to the extent you do but I am similar. Life is massively overwhelming to me. It stems from an extremely traumatic incident in my childhood and an attachment disorder. Nothing has ever felt safe. I am scared deep down of people (but have many wonderful friends). You wouldn't guess if you met me because I'm confident and bubbly and warm. I have a very rich life in some ways but do look forward to hiding indoors away from people and need to do so to feel safe. I've learnt to live with that feeling and still push myself to do things that scare me regularly. I'm not agoraphobic, thankfully .

QueenLizIII Mon 03-Oct-16 20:57:05

That's what I meant by putting on a front. I do things but the whole time I'm on the verge of panic and counting down the time until it's over.

That isnt normal.

I love to be out and about. I feel like rot is setting in when I am at home.

It is fine to be a homebody but you literally cant tolerate being out without feeling on edge and that is not normal.

QueenLizIII Mon 03-Oct-16 20:58:15

Speak to your GP. I felt like this for a little while when I suffered from depression and they said most certainly not ok.

But as you're on prozac you must have already been so what did GP say?

allegretto Mon 03-Oct-16 20:58:23

I have similar feelings OP. I actually manage quite well during the day but at night I just have to go to bed or I am too anxious to do anything. sad I am actually better if I force myself to go out though.

woahtherenow Mon 03-Oct-16 21:00:28


Amethyst81 Mon 03-Oct-16 21:00:50

I suffer with anxiety really badly, I take citalopram which personally works for me. It would be very tempting for me to do as you do and hide away in the house as I dread social situations too. However if I told myself that I can't cope I don't think it would do me any favours. Like a pp said I have bills to pay and DC to support so I need to force myself to go to work and we are not in a financial position for me stay home. I think its easy to tell yourself that unless youve tried all the support available, including counselling, CBT, a different type of medication.

SlimbobJones Mon 03-Oct-16 21:02:25

Hey, fellow anxiety sufferer here.. I was diagnosed with GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) 3 months ago after about 2 years of feeling like you do now. I used to arrive at work an hour early and park around the corner so i could have a panic attack and still not be late for work blush i won't bore you with my other symptoms but basically, I was like you and had been since I was a kid, it got a lot worse when I had to pay a mortgage etc.

Anyway, long story short: CBT is the answer. I had CBT for 8 weeks combined with fluoxetine and propranolol and I'm a completely different animal now. I haven't had a panic attack for 8 weeks now and I haven't had a 'pit of the stomach' worry session for 10 weeks. They used to be nightly. I just feel capable and like I'm just like everyone else now, like if other people can do it I can do it too smile I remember grinning the other day and actually thinking to myself 'no wonder everyone smiles all the time, this is awesome!'


woahtherenow Mon 03-Oct-16 21:02:49

Oops posted too soon!

Queen - I got flouxitene after my last dd was born I was ill with pneumonia and spent quite a while in hospital the extra pressure made me go so much worse my gp looked at my arms like this shock wheee I had been picking at scratching with anxiety blush

I was given the flouxitene for post natal depression and tbh she didn't ask too much and I would have no idea what to say. "I'm just rubbish at being a grown up" seems too general for a ten minute appointment grin

QueenLizIII Mon 03-Oct-16 21:05:51

You back in and tell them what you said here.

my GP was worried when I said I didnt like being out of the house and felt anxious

allegretto Mon 03-Oct-16 21:08:11

I was diagnosed with GAD about three years ago but not offered any treatment except group therapy. Which obviously I didn't go to!

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