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To be hurt my DHs comments tonight.

(94 Posts)
Singalongsydney Mon 03-Oct-16 19:43:51

Everyone says I'm the luckiest wife, because my husband helps with one of the school runs and also whilst I've been suffering with HG he's let me nap when he comes home from work.

I do all of the making sure the bills are paid, replying to his emails, even pretending to be him over messenger to keep his mother happy as he doesn't reply to her, I do all of the food shopping and meal planning (sometimes I have a meal go out of date by mistake and he goes mad) I keep the house spotless whilst he's at work, I get our 3 children dressed and out of the house for 8am for the school run, if he's ever tired or forgotten lunch I drive 10 miles to take him something to eat or drink, I wash his clothes, I have to google any information he wants 'read quickly' regarding his hobby.

Today, the plan was to meet at home and walk to DC school together to do pick up as it was a nice day, sunny and crisp. However, there was some kind of hold up and he didn't make it, leaving me to push our extremely heavy pram up a hill that I wouldn't of had to do if he'd been there to push it like arranged, if not I'd have driven.

So when we all returned home, after sorting things I asked could I go and have a quick rest as my pelvis was very sore and I felt unwell. This was fine...

Anyway, I came down and I said 'is there anything you'd like me to do' he said oh no, I'll vacuum later. I said really it's fine, I'm better and I like to get things over and done with so I can relax in the evening knowing there is nothing needing doing.

The next minute out of no where he goes mental at me, says 'well perhaps if I was like other dads who went out to the pub I'd have an easier life, other dads don't help, other dads don't rush their Arse off to help with school runs whilst I'm at home' I said ' I wasn't at home, I walked to collect them' to which he replied ' you're always at fucking home'.

Then proceeded to say ' if I stopped smashing up the car he wouldn't have to go and wash it ready to go to the Paint shop tomorrow' I accidentally hit the front plastic bumper 😔

I'm sobbing, I feel he's so bloody nasty sometimes.

ThePinkOcelot Mon 03-Oct-16 19:47:55

That sounds totally OTT OP. I'm not surprised you are upset! flowers

IzzyIsBusy Mon 03-Oct-16 19:48:06

Hes a child.
You need to stop being his mother.
Care gor HIS children is mot babyditying or helping. It is being a parent.

StealthPolarBear Mon 03-Oct-16 19:49:04

Urgh. He sounds awful. Are you pregnant at the moment or could you start to work? He clearly sees your place as servicing him.

SlinkyVagabond Mon 03-Oct-16 19:50:05

He's a lazy entitled rude self obsessed cocklodger. Sorry OP. I'd be kicking his arse to the curb.

user1474627704 Mon 03-Oct-16 19:51:01

* other dads don't help, other dads don't rush their Arse off to help with school runs whilst I'm at home*

Yeah they do. As a bare minimum, they do, unless they are total twats like your husband is.

Singalongsydney Mon 03-Oct-16 19:52:01

I'm due in a couple of weeks with DC4 so working at the moment isn't an option.

Last time I got myself a job on the weekends, I had to get my parents to do the childcare because 'why should I get to work whilst he's at home' I can't win, then he came to the conclusion as what I earned in 3/4 hours is what he gets in 1 hour. Just feel useless...

He's just come in and said sorry for snapping but he feels I'm ungrateful.

SaggyNaggy Mon 03-Oct-16 19:52:35

hes a cunt.
hes banging on about other dads.

I'm a dad, a full time, 100% dad. wether I work out of the house or not. I happen not too, I do all school runs, cook all meals, clean the house, take care of the bills yadda yadda

so his:
well perhaps if I was like other dads who went out to the pub I'd have an easier life, other dads don't help, other dads don't rush their Arse off to help with school runs
Falls short because if he were like other dads, he'd be like me and do thing happily and not be a mean spirited mouthy little prick.
grrr, i'm quite cross....

SaggyNaggy Mon 03-Oct-16 19:53:42

he feels I'm ungrateful.

Tell him then that you'll stop and he can pay for the child care, the nanny, the house keeper instead.

StealthPolarBear Mon 03-Oct-16 19:54:01

Has he always been like this or has it got worse recently

Floridasunset Mon 03-Oct-16 19:54:10

YNBU to be hurt by his comments. But his comments are not really about you, they are a reflection of him.
You clearly go out of your way to do everything for him and in return he is nasty.

Of course other dads "help" but they don't consider it helping they consider it parenting.
Why does he decide what needs doing before you relax for the evening? You are an equal partner in the relationship and should have an equal say
flowers for you

Charley50 Mon 03-Oct-16 19:54:48

God sorry not to be more helpful but he sounds like a prick!

BantyCustards Mon 03-Oct-16 19:55:23

His basic mindset is that he's 'helping' you out with 'wife work' and this will not change.

FelicityGubbins Mon 03-Oct-16 19:55:54

Show him the list of what you do for him, then add in 50% of the child related jobs you do and tell him HE is the ungrateful one..

cowbag1 Mon 03-Oct-16 19:56:25

Why do you allow him to boss you around and give you orders like you're the hired help?

He is no prize because he 'lets you' have a nap and does a school run. And you can tell him he's completely wrong, other decent dads do not bugger off down the pub.

LucyLot Mon 03-Oct-16 19:56:45

That sounds awful OP. It seems as though he's treating you as his mother/ OA and doesn't understand the role of "wife" to mean equal partner.

YANBU to be upset. I think you need to have a chat with him about boundaries and stop driving ten miles to take him a drink that's just extraordinary.

JammyDodger16 Mon 03-Oct-16 19:57:03

I filled up just reading your post. That's really nasty. My Dp makes sweeping comments like that and I have started to pull him up on his 'you always' etc, statements. It's not ok

JammyDodger16 Mon 03-Oct-16 19:57:07

I filled up just reading your post. That's really nasty. My Dp makes sweeping comments like that and I have started to pull him up on his 'you always' etc, statements. It's not ok

fuzzywuzzy Mon 03-Oct-16 19:57:54

He's abusive.

Yelling at you for food going out of date is abusive.

Refusing to take care of his own children whilst you work when he is not working himself is abusive.

He's keeping you at home tied to the stove bare foot and pregnant.

StealthPolarBear Mon 03-Oct-16 19:59:41

Yes exactly that.
Are you trapped? Could you leave?

ToxicLadybird Mon 03-Oct-16 19:59:46

He thinks you're ungrateful? shock

My DH would think I'd been abducted by aliens and replaced with a replica if I did a fraction of what you do and I'm a SAHM with just 1 child.

Your DH needs a kick up the arse.

Daydream007 Mon 03-Oct-16 20:00:35

He is bang out of order and nasty, especially with you not being well with hg and pelvic pain.

IWillTalkToYouLater Mon 03-Oct-16 20:01:35

I'm not surprised you're upset op sad Never in this world would my DH speak to or treat me like that. Nor should yours, it's not ok. sad

user1471524661 Mon 03-Oct-16 20:02:22

Your husband sounds like a bully. Some of what you have said here sounds like he is quite controlling. And a total arse. I am interested to know if you are from a community that asking your husband if [insert reasonable action that most people decide to do themselves] is Ok. Regardless of how busy his days are, how hard he works, how much he earns, he has no right to talk to you as though he is doing you a favour.

Czerny88 Mon 03-Oct-16 20:03:16

He lets you have a nap? You have to Google information for him and send messages to his mum pretending they're from him? You have to ask his permission to have a lie down when you're in pain?

Are you his wife or his employee? confused

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