To be annoyed with MIL(30 Posts)
So this weekend was my youngest a Christening and I managed to successfully avoid my MIL for most of it!
She's a horrible woman who does her passive aggressive best to cause trouble!
But next weekend me and the other half are having our first weekend away together in 2.5years without the girls. My mum brought us tickets to a show and an overnight stay! Awesome! I wanted to then ask my mum to look after the girls but OH said it was his mums turn. So I said fine
Back to this weekend. She was overheard by one of my friends saying that my eldest was to young to tell tales so she's brought a load of cakes and sweets and fizzy pop for them (my girls are 2.5 and 8 months) and it doesn't matter because I would never find out. She also said it wouldn't matter if she kept them up all night as again I'd never know.
Thing is I would know because my eldest would tell me even if she didn't know she was "telling tales" and my youngest has a egg allergy that makes her blow up like a balloon so now I'm even more worried about leaving them as we're still waiting for the allergy appointment so there's currently not a scrap of egg in the house and she knows this!!
AIBU or is it just my hatred of my MIL clouding my judgement!!
Is she on board with the egg allergy?
I'd probably overlook the junkfood thing if it was just for one night (doesn't sound like they go there a lot ) but if you think she'll ignore the egg allergy there is no way they'd be going there.
Well you do know already, don't you!?
Have you told your DH about it and that it now means that you definitely want your own Mum to look after the children? You won't be able to relax if your MIL does, quite apart from the fact that she sounds disrespectful at best.
Cakes, sweets and fizzy pop are entirely unsuitable food for and 8-month-old - is she mad?
And if a child is given lots of sugar and fizzy drinks, and kept up all night, even the sweetst-natured child will become an utter hell-beast (which could be a suitable punishment for her, if it weren't for the effects on your dd.
I would confront her, tell her what you overheard, and tell her that, unless she decides to respect your parenting decisions, she will never have your children alone, let alone over night!
OH said it was his mums turn. So I said fine
See, theres your first mistake op, My dd is 11 months and also has an egg allergy, it makes her blow up, she gets a terrible rash and she even coughs and chokes, its not very nice and can be frightening.
I would say to OH- either my mum has the girls <for the reasons you have stated> or I'm not going.
Suggest he goes with his mother.
Letting them stay up late and eat a load of junk is what some grandparents do. I dont see a problem with that if its an occassional thing. However your mil needs to take the allergy into consideration.
ollie i would suggest that OP goes with her mum and he stays at home and looks after the kids. Why should OP miss out.
If this was me I wouldnt want to leave the dc in case the oh left them with his mum behind my back.
My first question would be whether you trust the friend who told you that? It sounds like shit stirring to me.
I allow leeway when it comes to extra treats when my two go go their grandparents' houses but no way would I allow them to give fizzy drinks! (They are allowed cordial as a treat though.)
And what possible benefit is it to anyone to keep two young children up all night? They will be overwrought by tiredness and your mil will have to put up with their behaviour (mine are vile when they've haven't had enough sleep).
It sounds like she'd ignore your dd's allergy as well.
I would tell your dh you want your mum to have them (assuming she's willing and able) and why.
Good luck op!
I always find it a bit odd that grandparents have to be treated equally when they don't behave equally. I also find it odd when they disrespect the parents but assume they are entitled to the grandchildren. I am not convinced every grandparent relationship is automatically beneficial to the grand children (generalised concept not at all suggesting NC).
How confident are you about your source OP? If you don't trust grandparents for overnighters don't do it. At the end of the day you must always do what you hand on heart believe to be in the interest of your child .
Your MiL might have been talking it up a bit to her friend.
What has your H said sbout his mother and what she plans to feed his daughter? Sorry I wouldn't leave them with her b
I trust my parents with ds. Because they listen to us, and are sensible.
I don't trust pils. Because last time they 'babysat' a grandchild they left her in her cot, in an unsafe hotel room, and left her out of sight and sound to get pissed.
I don't care if they spoil him, feed him a bit of choc or keep him up late (he has no allergies we know of) but safety is non negotiable. An 8 month old should not be having fizzy pop.
Don't let anyone you don't trust totally look after them.
Cake ok but sweets and fizzy drinks for a two year old and eight month old? That is disgusting.
What does your husband say about this new information?
This is all based on hearsay. If I were you I would talk to your MIL about the egg allergy and provide her with appropriate food for the baby and give her the benefit of the doubt for the older child. Let her spoil them for one night (egg allergy covered, of course).
Do you really think she is going to be pouring cherryade into your baby at 4 am in the morning?
The friend wouldn't stir as we plan on spending time away with them while we're there so wouldn't do her any favours to tell me! (We live quite a way from each other it's just coincidence we get to see each other two weeks in a row!)
She knows all about the egg allergy as the inital Dr we saw told us to take pictures of her during the flare up so we could show the paediatrician when we finally get an appointment so she's seen how bad it is!
I've told H and he says he'll have a word with her and tell her if she ignores what we tell her then she won't be asked again.
I've had issues with her for years with the whole you're taking my son away stuff to sly little digs about my parenting and over ruling my parenting and all that stuff. Even taking pot shots at my family passing her judgement over things they do and she doesn't even know them! So mostly my judgement is almost always against her lol!
You'd have to be off your rocker to give a toddler sweets and fizzy drinks. If mil does do this I can guarantee the resulting hyperactivity will stop her doing it again!
The only thing I would be worried about is the egg allergy being disregarded and somethings awful happening. The other stuff would serve her bloody right!
Why would a grandma want to feed her grandkids crap and keep them up late? What's going on in her head?
Hope your DH having a word will have the desired effect!
So it's just for one night? And your MIL is going to deliberately hype them up on sugar and keep them awake til late - I'm assuming the plan being that you get them back the next day groggy and irritable?
What's wrong with her?!
A bit of a fun night at the grandparents' house is one thing... with some flexibility for some extra treats... My Gran treated us when we stayed at hers and it was lovely and fun; but this sounds like deliberately and maliciously trying to go against your wishes and actually is potentially putting your child at risk. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
As an aside... a lot of cakes have egg in them.
Surely cake has egg in it. I'm not convinced your mil is taking the allergy seriously. "Sly little digs about my parenting and overruling my parenting". Doesn't bode well. I'd be very cautious. She's out to undermine you and there is the potential for her to see giving eggs as a way of winning and proving that there is no real allergy. I've read about this sort of thing happening so many times on threads.
It'd be interesting to hear what happens from the chat between DH and your MIL.
We've had to be really strict about food as they were being very blasé about stuff like giving her honey and peanuts (I'm allergic to peanuts and the doctors said wait til 1 year).
Stand your ground!
Suggest you leave the elder kid with her & and the younger with your mum. If your husband complains, tough. Ignoring allergies is dangerous.
I would not leave my young children with someone I had "hatred" for, no matter who they are.
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