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To stop the constant competitiveness

(17 Posts)
IrishTwin Mon 03-Oct-16 15:30:50

Hi all I have a very good friend who I see everyday due to our two children being similar ages. (10 and 3) I have known her for around 15 years since she moved in next door to me. Her husband over the last few years is doing very well at his job and they have finally got a very comfortable lifestyle after struggling for years. I am genuinely pleased for her. However since they have had more financial stability she like to talk about how much money they earn, how their skiing holidays cost 7000 pounds, how they have wangled it so they don't pay proper tax etc etc. These conversations are constant I even get text messages saying they he has had a bonus or a pay rise and how she's already bought a 40 grand car despite not having passed her driving test. She never really listens to anything I say without interrupting to talk about herself.
Also she competes regarding our children which is getting me down.
I'm not a materialistic person at all and whilst I'm pleased that she is financially better off it seems to be all she talks about.
She used to be a truly lovely person and I really value her as a friend but this constant one up manship is getting me down. I try not to fuel the fire and never discuss finances but the constant competition is endless, any advice on how to deal with it !

IrishTwin Mon 03-Oct-16 15:41:08

Any and all advice would be appreciated!

Tobebythesea Mon 03-Oct-16 15:45:15

If she is a true friend do you think you can discuss it with her?

SheldonsSpot Mon 03-Oct-16 15:48:18

Next time she starts, say "I'm really pleased you guys are doing well but you're turning into a real bore about money, it's all you ever seem to talk about these days".

KC225 Mon 03-Oct-16 15:49:44

I think you have to grin and bear it if you want to sustain the 'friendship'. If you say anything about feeling uncomfortable with all the money/Spends talk, she will accuse you of being jealous.

I must say after 15 years of continuous bragging and no progression in depth and support I would be inclined to back away. God luck though

IrishTwin Mon 03-Oct-16 15:51:19

I have never brought it up partly because until recently I just assumed she was just telling me about her life and was excited about her circumstances improving but it's getting more excessive now.

IrishTwin Mon 03-Oct-16 15:53:22

The bragging only been a recentish thing since her husband had a promotion!

BabyGanoush Mon 03-Oct-16 15:53:52

my advice: spend as little time with people like this as possible! Life's too short

PoppyBirdOnAWire Mon 03-Oct-16 15:56:03

She sounds needy. Weirdly. Dump her.

Tobebythesea Mon 03-Oct-16 16:14:16

I'd try to make a joke about it and if she didn't change I would reduce contact with her.

IrishTwin Mon 03-Oct-16 17:06:07

Yes thinking of backing off though it's difficult as we do the same school/ nursery runs and have the same friends. I suspect that things aren't very rosy in her marriage which may be some of the issue!

HeyNannyNanny Mon 03-Oct-16 17:12:10

How close are you? Could you ask " Is everything OK? You seem to be talking much more about money these days, I thought maybe you might be compensating for something? You never seemed fussed about finances before..."

Timothysclaypole Mon 03-Oct-16 17:42:36

I wouldn't say anything, it sounds like she's still excited about having money to spend after a long time struggling and any direct comment may be misconstrued as sour grapes/jealousy.

But if you feel you must, you could always take the passive aggressive route and tell her about a family 'friend' who continuously boasts about their material possessions which you have absolutely no interest in... and see if she gets that you mean her? grin

nicp123 Mon 03-Oct-16 17:46:43

Oh Gosh! Sounds like my ex-friend... I don't think telling her directly how irritating & materialistic she is or sounds would help. She will think you are being jealous... I made the mistake of being honest with one of my friends couple of years ago and have never seen her since. She blocked my number so I couldn't get in contact with her anymore and asked a number of friends to do the same!
I found the whole situation at the time shocking & very stressful.
Looking back now I wonder how on Earth I managed to put up with such a selfish and egocentric nutter!
Glad I don't see/ hear her anymore.

woowoowoo Mon 03-Oct-16 17:52:37

She sounds very insecure and is trying to prove her worth to you, OP.

She has obviously viewed you as 'better than her' all these years and now is trying to show you that she is just as good as you.

It's pretty sad really.

I had an old school friend do this to me. In the end it drove me so mad that I ended up saying something in my reply to the most recent bragging text about money / holidays. I asked them why they were always bragging to me? They have stopped texting completely now, which is a relief. They've clearly taken umbridge at being called out on the boasting. Can't say I'm bothered as I hate braggers. However, I didn't live next door so I could be blunt.

I think you may need to say something very subtly, OP. Try to get the message across in a very kind way so as not to fall out with you over it, which would be very awkward.

Good luck.

MatildaTheCat Mon 03-Oct-16 18:10:17

Agree it's insecurity. A relative of mine does it and it's intensely annoying. She'll even tell you how much the joint of beef she's feeding you cost. She also came from a poor background and her dh made money so nobody would want to say anything to make her feel bad but it sure is irritating.

Could you possibly say something along the lines of, be careful about mentioning your wealth too much as I think it might be annoying people a bit? No need to mention its you who's annoyed. smile

DavidPuddy Mon 03-Oct-16 18:52:53

As you say it's recent I would give her a bit more tine to get used to it. I imagine it will calm down once it feels more normal for her. You say you value her friendship, so don't dump her without giving her a chance. To me that just seems shallow.

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