To think it's polite to say hi and bye when you're arriving/leaving my home?

(182 Posts)
Itrytoohard Mon 03-Oct-16 14:10:24

I'm fully prepared to be told I am BU based on DS1s looks he gave me grin but it's been bugging me.

DS2s girlfriend came over late last night, about 10:30ish and didn't say anything as she stood in the hall whilst ds talked to me then ran off upstairs without saying a word. She then came down at almost midnight in her tiny pyjama shorts and Tshirt to say hello and apologise for not saying hi almost an hour and a half ago and said she had to go upstairs and get changed because she was freezing. Yes I'm sure she was so cold she couldnt pop her head round the door and say hello because she had to change out of her freezing cold coat, jumper and leggings into her shorts. hmm

I wasn't expecting her to come sit with us and chat for hours, no. I knew she wouldn't because me, DP, DS1, his girlfriend and DD were taking up the 2 sofas and she's a total bitch a bit fussy when all the sofas were taken up and expects someone to sit on the floor so she can sit down I just wanted a hello.

Then an hour ago she left for college and didn't even say goodbye. I didn't know she had left until DD said her ped wasn't outside anymore.

I just feel it's rude.

Also, I don't dislike her. I understand my post might look that way but I just needed to vent and she's doing my ducking head in at he mo.

Smrendell Mon 03-Oct-16 14:11:57

YANBU to think she should've said hello and bye.

YABU to make those comments about her.

How old are your DC?

Itrytoohard Mon 03-Oct-16 14:13:34

I know I know, her behaviour is really starting to grate on me though. sad

DS1 is 19, girlfriend 18. DS2 and gf are both 17. DD is 16.

alafolie29 Mon 03-Oct-16 14:13:59

I would imagine she feels a bit awkward around you (I can't imagine why...hmm). Unfortunately it often comes across as rudeness.

GreatFuckability Mon 03-Oct-16 14:14:05

I think you should cut her some slack. she did come down in the end! perhaps shes shy/socially awkward. I was like that as a teenager and never knew how to behave round my boyfriends parents.

Omgkitties Mon 03-Oct-16 14:14:28

YANBU. Sounds like BILs girlfriend and MIL gets really fucked off by it too.

Jinglebells99 Mon 03-Oct-16 14:15:11

You think she's a total bitch but you don't dislike her?! I think she probably senses how you feel about her to be honest. Surely it would be polite to offer a guest a seat?

Itrytoohard Mon 03-Oct-16 14:16:27

She been with DS for 2 years, we used to get along really well and it's only been the last 2 months at most that she's started to be a piss me off.

She isn't shy at all and has never been awkward around me before.

Itrytoohard Mon 03-Oct-16 14:19:25

Today 14:15 Jinglebells99

You think she's a total bitch but you don't dislike her?!

I don't think she's a bitch, she's just a bitch about the seat situation.

Surely it would be polite to offer a guest a seat?

Yes but then who moves and sits on the floor? DS1 was sat on the floor already, we only have small sofas. And if anyone else comes into the room and all the seats are taken they sit in the floor so why should we all love for her if she wouldn't do the same? And after 2 years of spending more time here than at home surely she isn't really a "guest" anymore?

tinselandpeppermint Mon 03-Oct-16 14:19:50

My son's girlfriend is the same, never says 'hello' or 'goodbye' and she's stayed here almost every night for the past 3 years.
I really pees me erf.

alafolie29 Mon 03-Oct-16 14:20:43

Tbh I think you should get off the sofa for her. She's a guest. And it's clear from your posts that you prefer your other son's girlfriend and dislike this one. Which must make her feel so at ease around you. I think you need to remember how hard it can be to be a teenager. She walked in when you're all there comfy and she probably felt like an outsider. I know I would have if you were sat with the other girlfriend.

Willywolly Mon 03-Oct-16 14:21:51

Surely it would be polite to offer a guest a seat?

so who do you suggests moves onto the floor so she can have a seat?

YANBU. It is rude and yes okay, she came down eventually but after an hour and a half and then lied about the reason she didn't say anything before. That's not on.

flanjabelle Mon 03-Oct-16 14:24:09

Any chance she had a period issue and was embarrassed so needed to get changed? Or is she always like that?

Mozfan1 Mon 03-Oct-16 14:24:10

If she is fussy about the sofa situation and her and your ds stayed upstairs instead of coming down and encroaching on your space then surely there's not much of a problem there? If she had barged right in and demanded you move, that would be bitchy. But she didn't she stayed out of your way.

Itrytoohard Mon 03-Oct-16 14:24:44

And it's clear from your posts that you prefer your other son's girlfriend

How exactly? The only thing I've said about her is she was sat with us in the lounge.

I have moved for her before but I have back problems that are so bad I take morphine for so that isn't always an option.

LagunaBubbles Mon 03-Oct-16 14:25:09

You do come across as if you dont like her though. My DSs girlfriend (whos 21) is lovely, but I cant say she always says hello, goodbye etc which doesnt bother me at all.

Mozfan1 Mon 03-Oct-16 14:27:00

And it shouldn't be you that moves if there is a seat shortage as you have back problems but one of the others could have out of politeness to make her feel welcome.

Itrytoohard Mon 03-Oct-16 14:27:15

You do come across as if you dont like her though.

Probably because I'm just a bit pissed off. I do like her though, she's not a bad girl. Just upsetting me a lot recently but that's a whole other thread haha.

Ragwort Mon 03-Oct-16 14:27:47

tinsel - why on earth is the girlfriend staying the night every night for three years yet can't even be polite to you? confused.

Clearly your DS and his girlfriend are treating you no better than a 'free' doss house, I don't know why anyone allows their adult children to treat them so discourteously. And yes, I have teenage DC.

And if the answer is 'well, I wouldn't see my DC if I didn't turn a blind eye to their rude behaviour' .......... do you really want to have a relationship with people who treat you so badly?

Itrytoohard Mon 03-Oct-16 14:28:44

one of the others could have out of politeness to make her feel welcome.

But why should someone else go with out a seat so she can have one?

Genuinely curious as lots of suggestions that someone else should move but I don't understand why?

Mrsemcgregor Mon 03-Oct-16 14:30:11

To be fair I probably came across like this to my old boyfriends parents when I was 17!

I wasn't meaning to be rude, I just felt awkward and shy and would rather hide away than speak to parents!

I hope I came across as shy as I wasn't ever bitchy or rude. Could this be the case?

Itrytoohard Mon 03-Oct-16 14:31:00

Ragwort yes, I agree with what you are saying. I recently had a talk with DS2 as the last 6 months he's become really horrible to have around and things did change but nothing seems to get through to the girlfriend.

mathsmum314 Mon 03-Oct-16 14:31:09

Why do you expect her so to come and say hello to you, its your DS that she has come to see? Likewise when she is leaving, its your DS she says goodbye to. Are you wanting her to show deference to you and acknowledge you are the alpha (fe)male?

As for who gets a seat at the sofa, its usually polite to ask the youngest to sit on the floor. A bit degrading unfair to make adults to sit on the floor.

GreatFuckability Mon 03-Oct-16 14:32:36

it sounds to me like whatever shes upsetting you over is the issue here. this isn't about saying hello or goodbye.

Itrytoohard Mon 03-Oct-16 14:33:38

Mrsemcgregor I don't think so. She is very confident and it's only been the last couple of months that's she been peeing me off.

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