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AIBU to be utterly upset with my sons friend/neighbour?

(107 Posts)
parry45 Sun 02-Oct-16 20:37:27

So my sons best friend lives across the road from us. His mum works different hours, and quite often( maybe 2-3 times a week) he stays with us for an hour or 2 whilst she goes to work. Never a problem as he keeps my son occupied and they enjoy playing together. I even offered to pick him up from school any day as sometimes she's stuck and I'm picking my children up anyway. she has shouted at my son as he knocked on the door to call for the friend at 12.30 this afternoon and she was sleeping. She has now said that he is not allowed to knock for friend anymore as his times are the wrong times and he's not even allowed in the garden. They went out, I looked over and yes...he was waiting outside the garden gate!. Aibu to be so annoyed about this to the point I feel I need to say something given the amount of time i have her son for her? He's around our house every day after school and like I said I also look after him too. My son is upset as he is confused by the whole thing and thinks he's done something wrong?

LIZS Sun 02-Oct-16 20:46:03

How old are they? Perhaps it genuinely was a bad time.

HeyNannyNanny Sun 02-Oct-16 20:48:22

YANBU, selfish of her. Though I'm crabby as anything when I get woken up, no excuse to shout at a child tho.

TheWitTank Sun 02-Oct-16 20:57:01

YANBU. That would really piss me off. Maybe she was just having a bad day/crabby from waking up? I would be tempted to say something in passing, like "DS mentioned he woke you up the other day?" and see what she says. She may be apologetic for being cross, or she may say he isn't welcome at her house. In which case she can make herself some new childcare arrangements!

rollonthesummer Sun 02-Oct-16 21:02:30

How old are they? Looks like she'll have to find some alternative childcare now!

Hairyfairy01 Sun 02-Oct-16 21:04:53

Does she work nights?

Flash13 Sun 02-Oct-16 21:07:41

Absolutely no

QuiteLikely5 Sun 02-Oct-16 21:08:36

I would never shout at another child or anyone for that matter for knocking on my door so she is being unreasonable.

I would ask her about it, say your son is worried about it- if her response is not satisfactory- tell her to find a new 'free' sitter!

Blu Sun 02-Oct-16 21:09:53

I would go and talk to her calmly and assertively and ask her why she has shouted at your DS, and why your Ds cannot go there when her son is so often at yours. Tell her that your son is upset and confused and you can understand why.

I wouldn't stop your son playing with him if they are good friends, but unless she apologises and explains and sounds plausible, I wouldn't be doing her any favours.

Pagwatch Sun 02-Oct-16 21:11:13

What Blu said.

Stevefromstevenage Sun 02-Oct-16 21:12:38

YANBU and I think blu has it.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 02-Oct-16 21:12:48

She's bang out of line. She doesn't want your ds knocking on her door again, yet. His mother (you) is alright and good enough to look after her son.. I'd be stopping those favors straight away.
Bad time or not. You don't shout at s child for knocking on the door.

user1473454752 Sun 02-Oct-16 21:13:29

That is incredibley selfish of her considering you babysit and don't get paid for it???

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 02-Oct-16 21:15:44

About not stopping the children playing together.
With the strongest intent In the world.
And even if you wanted to. You couldn't stop kids playing together

parry45 Sun 02-Oct-16 21:20:24

Thank you. This is my first post so a little nervous. I'm always finding myself being nice one you know....saying yes etc to people but if I can help then I really don't mind. This today however did upset me and get my back up. He's NEVER allowed in thier house, they always have to be here. Which I've never really minded to now be banned from knocking for his friend and from the garden just seems a bit extreme, especially when this week her son will be here for tea and being looked after. Thing is I feel bad for him as if he doesn't come here he has to go to work with her and he asks me, then I feel bad for him. Yes...maybe I should just ask her about it. Maybe it was a bad time, I understand that. But 5 hours later he still had to stand outside the garden?

KindDogsTail Sun 02-Oct-16 21:23:02

The only explanation I can think of that might excuse her a bit is if she works on shifts which mean she has to be asleep then; but I presume this is not the case or she would have apologised and explained.

I think, mention that your son said she had been upset with him for waking her up when he knocked at 12.30, and you wonder if that was right.
See what she says.

Pagwatch Sun 02-Oct-16 21:23:21

Everyone has said she is being unreasonable and you should speak to her.

Are you so worried about talking to her that you try to excuse it? It's not reasonable.

missyB1 Sun 02-Oct-16 21:23:55

You are going to have to speak to her and ask exactly what happened and what was said, you need to shame her into an apology.

parry45 Sun 02-Oct-16 21:26:25

No i would never stop them being friends. My son actually said to me " it's not fair, I'm not allowed around there but ***comes here all the time". Then it was " she doesn't like me" and " well he shouldnt come here either then. I explained that his friend is always welcome here and that it wasn't his friends fault etc. Yeah he's a little confused by this. That's why I'm upset.

OlennasWimple Sun 02-Oct-16 21:30:15

Why is your DS stood outside her garden for five hours? (How old are they anyway?)

MouseLove Sun 02-Oct-16 21:31:20

Theres something going on, her behaviour feels almost as if she's hiding something. Is there a father in the picture? Maybe she is so stressed that she is not coping very well. Maybe go speak with her and ask if everything is ok?

Blu Sun 02-Oct-16 21:32:51

Yes, ask her.

You don't have to be aggressive or confrontational.

You can just say 'can you tell me what happened the other day? DS is upset and says you won't allow him inside the garden gate?' and then ' I can understand if there are times you don't want to be disturbed - tell me what times those are and I will make sure he doesn't knock. but at other times I would like you t treat my ds the same way I treat your DS, and not shout at him. Your DS spends a lot of time at our house, so I was surprised that you reacted so badly to DS knocking on your door'.

Coconutty Sun 02-Oct-16 21:33:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trojanhorsebox Sun 02-Oct-16 21:34:25

this week her son will be here for tea and being looked after

I don't think so, surely ? Not unless you are a childminder providing a professional service for which she is paying you or you get a really good explanation for her behaviour and an apology. It is not OK for her to treat your son like this and think she can carry on abusing your goodwill for free childcare. The boys can play together at school or whatever clubs they do, it doesn't have to be in your house if she can't treat you with respect.

NicknameUsed Sun 02-Oct-16 21:34:49

It's a bit weird that this woman doesn't let anyone else into the house or garden. Almost as if she has something to hide.

Perhaps she has a cannabis farm upstairs.

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