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Feeling down about 2nd pregnancy AIBU

(11 Posts)
Ohsotired123 Sun 02-Oct-16 16:23:00

I'm expecting my second which was not planned at all and has taken me by complete surprise. My son is 15 months and I wanted another when he is about 3.

I went back to work at the end of April, part time. I'm really enjoying being back at work, I find it such a good balance with being a mum and the social side is great.

I just got back on my feet I felt in terms of adjusting to having a little one, the demands of being a mum and lack of sleep. I feel my social life is very steady but I love any night out I can get and I've met some new mum friends who I go out for dinner and a few drinks with. Now I'm pregnant and work, money and my social life are going to change big time.

Work have a few nights out planned over next 6 months and I won't be able to really enjoy any of them and it's talked about so much, like everyone's really excited because we do all get on well. 1. I can't drink and work events are a great opportunity for us all to let our hair down and have a few glasses of wine, plus it's usually paid for. 2. I can't be around everyone drinking and on a different level to me and be sober, I HATED that before 3. I feel like shit, I have morning sickness all day long and am physically sick most days - my last pregnancy this lasted until 20 weeks. It might sound pathetic to some that in upset about work nights out, but I've only been back 5 months and was really enjoying everything. Everyone always talks about it and I'm just sitting there like blah.

The other worry I have is telling my boss. She isn't going to catch her breath I don't think and I feel I'm going to be treated differently. I'm dreading telling her and the rest of them. I work with some women who are very career focused and don't have children or any desire to, and I can just imagine their reaction and the bitching behind my back. "Can't believe she's pregnant again bla bla bla".

I feel my career will also take a hit. I'm
Just so down and can't find it in me to be excited. Feeling like I've got a sickness bug 24:7 probably isn't helping.

Any advice or anything would be great.

Mari50 Sun 02-Oct-16 16:45:38

No advice really and haven't been in your shoes however two very good friends of mine just had similar experiences of unexpected pregnancies (when they had completed their families in their opinion)
Both were completely blindsided and more than a little bit gutted initially. Now they are besotted with their babies and couldn't picture it another way.
Yes, it's not what you planned but on the bright side there's a nice small gap between the siblings and once you've done this mat leave then you're back at work for the long haul- not expecting another break.
As for missing out on some boozy nights- plenty of opportunity for them once you come out the other side.

WussyWat Sun 02-Oct-16 16:48:14

Look, this was going to happen sooner or later wasn't it? If you definitely wanted a second then you might as well suck it up and get it over with so you don't have to be inconvenienced again.

Missing nights out was the last thing on my mind when I found myself unexpectedly pregnant with #2 confused especially works nights out!

Congratulations flowers

junebirthdaygirl Sun 02-Oct-16 18:57:50

When you get that awful sickness you can help feeling oh no l wish l wasn't pregnant. But you will be able to rear your two children together.. They will always be nearly doing the same thing. Starting again in a few years was going to be a total shock anyway. When that horrible feeling passes you will have a ready made family and can then focus on your career. It will be nice for your first d c to have you on maternity leave too. A lot of people deliberately plan it that way. Hope sickness passes soon.

Secretmetalfan Sun 02-Oct-16 19:48:52

I don't know your age but if you waited a few years your fertility may well have decreased and you would have not been able to have another. Life very rarely works out exactly as planned be grateful for tge new baby. It's all a timing issue by the sounds of it. In the long run it will be easier having kids nearer the same age

Windthebloodybobbinup Sun 02-Oct-16 19:51:04

Hi- I felt the same when I fell pregnant with number 2. He's 4 months old so we are still in the trenches but there is light at the end of the tunnel! Work wise, I'd really suggest reading 'lean in' which gave me a lot of strength to feel confident at work and entitled to be pregnant. I also worked bloody hard all through my pregnancy to 'prove' I was still a valuable employee- in hindsight some of that was unnecessary. Best of luck x

DerekSprechenZeDick Sun 02-Oct-16 19:52:45

You do have options you know if you really don't want another yet.

You don't have to have another. As long as it's your decision.

Not something people will say on here but it's not taboo.

I'm get how you feel. I had a surprise pregnancy. I'm 39 weeks now and I didn't find out Til 27 week so I didn't have a choice.

Everyone expects you to be happy coz babies are apparently miracles and shit but you don't have to be. It's ok to feel shit about it.

Penfold007 Sun 02-Oct-16 19:57:30

OP what do YOU want?

Mistletoekids Sun 02-Oct-16 19:57:52

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Exactly this happened to me. Was still BF baby 1 aged 14 months hadnt had period since before baby 1 born, then found out 3 months pregnant when trying to get to bottom of why so knackered and sick.

Baby 2 now 8 months and is the best thing that ever happened. I catch my breath sometimes when I think about how I had wised sometimes during pregnancy she hadn't been conceived. I can't even dwell on it it sends shivers down my spine.

No doubt It's a big change and when unplanned I think its normal to feel blindsided and unprepared for it. Those feelings will hopefully pass and soon you will wonder how you ever thought anything was more important than your lovely new baby.

If they don't make sure you ask for help from those around you. You need some "me time"'too to make it all bearable.

Good luck


BolshierAryaStark Sun 02-Oct-16 20:10:15

I get where you're coming from, it's like you've clawed a bit of your life back & then poof, it's gone again...
But never mind, it's not what you planned but sure you'll deal with it whichever route you choose.
It's not forever & on the bright side your baby stage will be behind you quicker than initially planned.

EllieHandMeDownBaby Sun 02-Oct-16 21:08:31

1st: Congrats on your pregnancy flowers

2nd: I get it. I was pregnant with DS shortly after returning to work after having DD and it's frustrating when you feel you're getting back to feeling yourself.
However, I think you might feel that way regardless of the gap between them.

As an aside, and not saying this is the case with you, I ended up seeing the GP because I felt SO angry and sad about being pregnant (even though we very much wanted another baby). Was diagnosed with pre-natal anxiety and depression.
Once I started medication I felt much more like my usual self, and was able to look forward to having DS. It was a huge relief.
Just something to bear in mind in case your feelings escalate.

Hang in there, OP!

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