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To be annoyed that my friend always asks me to pick her up when she could get the bus to mine?!

(24 Posts)
Flamingo1980 Sun 02-Oct-16 10:23:58

Really boring one but I am beginning to be irritated. Whenever my friend and I arrange for her to come and see me she always ends it with "so can you come and give me a lift?!".
She lives a 20 minute drive from mine. So 40 minute round trip for me. There is a bus that goes door to door from mine to hers that takes about 30 minutes. £2.50. I have a toddler.
It annoys me that she would prefer I do a 40 minute round trip in the car with a toddler than she just get on a bus and come and see me. I think she thinks because I have a car then I should come and fetch her for the pleasure of her company.
I go to her house an equal amount of times so it's not like she's always forced to come here.
Am I missing something or is this really annoying?

Autumnsunshinebaby Sun 02-Oct-16 10:26:13

YANBU... but you've got to put a stop to it if you are not happy.

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer Sun 02-Oct-16 10:27:11

YANBU. It sounds like it has become a bit of a "routine". Next time say "Sorry, petrol is low" or some similar excuse and let her get into the habit of getting the bus.

ScarletForYa Sun 02-Oct-16 10:27:22

Well stop saying yes!

Cheerybigbottom Sun 02-Oct-16 10:27:34

It's annoying. Why would you drive to her house just to bring her to yours.

I don't drive but I would never ask for a lift for anything (my husband would drive us anywhere on weekend).

You need to say you are waiting in for a parcel or something so can't leave the house. I know it seems cowardly but a legit excuse a few times and she will either get the bus and get into that habit or just not come over and you'll know if she values your friendship or not.

Lweji Sun 02-Oct-16 10:28:19

Just say you're busy for those 40 min. Or expecting someone/call whatever.

Does she expect a lift when she goes back home?

ChuckBiscuits Sun 02-Oct-16 10:28:41

What is the point of her coming to yours when you are going to hers effectively twice to faciliate it?

Gosh why are people so entitled and unable to manage their own lives?

rollonthesummer Sun 02-Oct-16 10:29:39

Say no. Why did you ever say yes?!

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer Sun 02-Oct-16 10:30:02

Do you then have to drop her home too?

wobblywonderwoman Sun 02-Oct-16 10:30:50

Really lazy of her. Your time is less important than hers. I had a friend I used to drive two hours to. (She still lived at home)

She always had her car getting serviced or whatever and we would drive another hour into town in my car.

After a while I stopped being a mug

TaterTots Sun 02-Oct-16 10:31:41

I don't drive, but I wouldn't expect a friend to drive out to pick me up if there was a bus I could catch. She's taking the piss.

MargaretCabbage Sun 02-Oct-16 10:33:25

YANBU. I don't drive, and I wouldn't expect anyone to pick me up. It would be much easier for her to get the bus.

nosyupnorth Sun 02-Oct-16 10:35:14

You say you pick her up each time but how is she getting home? Do you drive her again, or does she take the bus?

Flamingo1980 Sun 02-Oct-16 10:35:45

I don't always say yes and I do make excuses sometimes but I've noticed when I do she just cancels so she obviously objects to me not picking her up. I was just seeing if I was going mad or if I was just being unreasonable not picking her up.
She comes to mine sometimes as mine is geared up for my toddler to play in and has a garden etc etc so more relaxing and easier when I have my child.

Marmalade85 Sun 02-Oct-16 10:37:06

Tell her to get a taxi if she doesn't like the bus

Starryeyed16 Sun 02-Oct-16 10:38:08

My DH had a friend like this it got too much especially when he wanted picking up and taking home, I told him to start charging petrol as he begun to take the piss.

Starryeyed16 Sun 02-Oct-16 10:39:15

He to would cancel if DH said he didn't want to pick him up. Beyond lazy he has zero friends now as it was on his terms

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sun 02-Oct-16 10:56:50

I let a frienship go because of something like this. Except my friend had a car but didn't like driving!! For my hen night she said she would pick a few of us up (all going for pre night our drinks and nibbles at he house and get ready etc) but she decided to get her adult ds to pick us up and made him change his plan to be out for the night! So we all had to already be ready and cut the pre night short as he is basically not happy to have a house full when he is in!! Night was a let down and haven't seen her since soon after. Wedding she had to leave early coz her exh was picking her up and it was she only convenient time for him!! Oh but she manages to go shopping to well know shopping centre about 30 miles away in chaotic traffic! I have lived here 18 months and she has been twice - lift both times!
8 year frienship gone.

sooperdooper Sun 02-Oct-16 10:59:54

Next time she suggests it say you might as well meet at hers as you're driving there anyway

CatNip2 Sun 02-Oct-16 11:02:16

I would say "no, sorry it actually costs me more in petrol than it does you in bus fare"

metaphoricus Sun 02-Oct-16 11:08:25

You are not missing anything, this is very annoying. I've been in a similar position and I found it really difficult to say no at first - but eventually I got so fed up that I was actually beginning to dislike my friend and then it got easier. YANBU.

jellybeans Sun 02-Oct-16 11:14:18

Yanbu. I share a car with DH and sometimes can't drive due to meds. I always get bus or train and am happy to I enjoy it as don't have to worry re parking etc. Would never expect someone to come collect me.

My bearded dragon that coukd be a case of anxiety. I have a friend who can drive but doesn't as she is terrified especially of new routes.

Jaxhog Sun 02-Oct-16 11:46:42

She isn't really a friend if she can't make the effort to come to you.

If you want to be friends with her, then just say no when she asks for a lift. Just tell her you'd love to see her, but can't pick her up. You don't owe an explanation or excuse.

Flamingo1980 Sun 02-Oct-16 20:58:46

Thanks guys. I think the consensus is she's taking the piss. I'll be stronger in the future!!

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