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AIBU to feel used by my friend

(10 Posts)
Brokenfeathers Sun 02-Oct-16 01:07:34

I really don't know if I am over reacting here. I have been helping a friend out lately, who is a single mum. As I have been a single mother I know how tough it can be. I look after this friends kids when she's stuck if I'm not working. Whether she needs childcare for work or shopping trips I help where I can of course. Lately I feel that's my only duty as a friend. She cancels plans to go out, (but still goes out with other friends) can never attend my kids birthdays (made feel guilty if even consider ducking out of her parties), can only meet up if it involves her plans, never on time picking kids up either regardless if I have plans. Constantly there for tearful phonecalls. I feel lately that I'm being used but know I'm prone to being overly sensitive. She was a great friend before I met DH (he also helps her where he can) AIBU to think enough is enough or should I be more patient

EmilySunshine Sun 02-Oct-16 01:19:28

YANBU IMO. it is good to help a friend a little but she is loading too much on you. you need to be able to keep safe boundaries with her. she needs to respect your time.

EmilySunshine Sun 02-Oct-16 01:24:03

i am sure she doesn't mean to be this way. i think she isn't seeing how her behaviour is affecting you. maybe time to gently tell her? she may not have considered things from your point of view. some people are so stuck in their own needs they really can't see what other people are going through and need it pointed out to them. i admit i have been like that at times and i needed a close friend to gently point out to me that i was being inconsiderate and not seeing what the person i was being needy with was going through

DustyOfSkye Sun 02-Oct-16 05:56:35

YANBU. Nice that you're compassionate but you know she's taking the piss.

If you feel like you're being used as an unpaid nanny say no, sorry you can't look after her kids. Get cross if she flakes out on you picking them up. Set your boundaries. If she's really your friend she'll get it and respect you for it.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 02-Oct-16 06:33:47

You sound more like an unpaid nanny and therapist. And you also sound very unhappy. Perhaps it isn't malicious although it could be and whichever way you look at it, she's being unkind. Time to quietly withdraw. See if that changes anything. Do you have other friends? I think you should invest some time in these friendships without her and in your own relationship. Have some fun.

Personally, I wouldn't confront her. You're not likely to get the response you want. Make little excuses for why you aren't available. You are also allowed to be tired. That's a valid excuse. Your time with your children without hers is also important.

Optimist3 Sun 02-Oct-16 06:38:25

Has she ever been supportive to you

salamandress Sun 02-Oct-16 06:41:18

Step back. Let her tantrum.
Really not your responsibility. She'll cope.

Brokenfeathers Sun 02-Oct-16 11:28:33

Optimist3 yeah she has been a great friend when I was single. I put a lot of effort into my friendships because they were all there before I met DH. But this friend has really hurt me now.

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld Sun 02-Oct-16 12:10:43

She's an energy vampire op, she will drain you slowly distance yourself

Brokenfeathers Sun 02-Oct-16 12:44:20

Thank you for advice and time everybody, would rather step back than be a martyr any longer smile

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