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AIBU to be upset by SIL's behaviour

(304 Posts)
RedRoosterLondon Sat 01-Oct-16 23:58:44

I lost my dad six months ago. He wasn't wealthy but he did own a house. As we live in London he put in our (my sister and myself) names to minimise inheritance tax when he died.

Because he had used a good solicitor things and had a simple will went through quickly, so we were able to sell the house a few weeks ago.

My sister in law has asked for a loan for 300k - to rescue her failing business. I refused and have been called every name under the sun, because she knows I have iit.

My husband wants me to help her. AIBU to say no.

CockacidalManiac Sun 02-Oct-16 00:01:20

The old adage applies about never lending money to family that you couldn't afford to lose.
The business could still go tits up anyway, taking your money with it. Don't be guilted into this.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Sun 02-Oct-16 00:01:22

Of course YANBU

IAmTheWhoreOfBabylon Sun 02-Oct-16 00:01:39

YANBU
No chance. Hang on to your inheritance OP
If it shuts her up tell her you have massive debts to pay off
My DB believes me to have some debt. If he knew I had savings he would hassle me for loans

LillyInTheMoon Sun 02-Oct-16 00:02:14

300k?! You are absolutely not unreasonable! That's a hell of a loan and if her business goes under anyway, how on earth would she pay you back?

PeggyMitchell123 Sun 02-Oct-16 00:02:31

Like fuck would I give 300k to my sil. No way are you unreasonable. How on earth would you guarantee she would pay it back.

No matter what your dh says, do not give a penny!

Cherrysoup Sun 02-Oct-16 00:02:49

No way, tell her absolutely not.

Canyouforgiveher Sun 02-Oct-16 00:03:17

300k for a failing business!!

She is being absolutely unreasonable.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that your father did not buy a house, pay his mortgage, and leave his property to his daughters so you could take his money and pour it down someone else's hole.

Your dh is being absolutely unreasonable.

bloodyteenagers Sun 02-Oct-16 00:04:18

300k to rescue a failing business?
If it was a few grand then ok. But realistically what are the possibilities of a business in that much debt recovering?

And as for calling you every name under the sun, for that alone I would tell her to fuck off.

sykadelic Sun 02-Oct-16 00:04:19

Her business is failing, why on earth would you put money into a sinking ship? Like hell!

LovelyBranches Sun 02-Oct-16 00:04:30

Surely the name calling is further proof why you shouldn't lend the money. YANBU.

£300k on a failing business, no way.

Blondie1984 Sun 02-Oct-16 00:05:15

If her business is failing already then I would be really wary of giving her ANY money let alone £300K

And your DH is being unreasonable for not having your back on this one.

bumblefeline Sun 02-Oct-16 00:05:19

YANBU 300k!, if the business is alrealy failing then something is not right. I would not give 30p to my SIL

claraclutterbuck Sun 02-Oct-16 00:05:36

Putting you on the deeds will have made you liable for capital gains tax. Can she pay what she owes?

RedRoosterLondon Sun 02-Oct-16 00:05:52

He says it's not "my" money, it's 'our' money.

EatsShitAndLeaves Sun 02-Oct-16 00:06:13

Of course YANBU.

The fact that the business is failing is a good reason not to put any money in it - never mind your fathers inheritance to you.

You don't elaborate, but I'm also guessing she wants the money without you having any stake or control in the business. No-one would "invest" in these circumstances.

In your case I'd be very disappointed in your DH for putting pressure on you TBH. He needs to STFU.

Just because you have money doesn't mean you should piss it away on ill conceived business bail outs.

Stand your ground and don't feel guilty in the slightest.

claraclutterbuck Sun 02-Oct-16 00:06:24

Sorry- I thought it was your sister not your SIL.

PointlessUsername Sun 02-Oct-16 00:06:28

No way would I give her a penny.

CockacidalManiac Sun 02-Oct-16 00:07:29

He's a twat for trying to guilt trip you into using the money from your parent. That's a proper cunt's trick.

BuggerMyOldBoots Sun 02-Oct-16 00:08:13

Yanbu yanbu yanbu

Do not part with that money under any circumstances, unless you are in fact a multi millionaire and wouldn't miss it one bit

So she basically wants you to hand over your inheritance? What the actual fuck?

I don't know anything about business, but surely if she all of a sudden needs 300K straight out to save it, then maybe it wouldn't be very successful in the future either?

If you gave her that money, you'd never see it again. Depending on DH attitude, I would make sure he can't get hold of it to give to SIL. Family dynamics can be weird.

I saw my dad miss out on a pretty life changing inheritance because he was basically too nice and trusting. So I'm perhaps a little paranoid on the subject but omg, yanbu

HerRoyalNotness Sun 02-Oct-16 00:09:03

Loans are what banks are for, if they won't give it to her, you sure as hell shouldn't

And as long as you don't put the money into marital assets, I'm sure it's your money, not joint. If your H is so keen let him take a loan for 300k personally and watch his sister default and leave him holding the debt. Plonker

Starryeyed16 Sun 02-Oct-16 00:09:43

It's not up to your DH what you do with the money that was left by your FATHER nothing to do with their side of the family that is a massive loan one which you would never see and for a failing business!

PeggyMitchell123 Sun 02-Oct-16 00:10:00

Yeah in that case I would protect it from your husband as well to be honest if his attitude is like that.

You are under no obligation to give his sister anything at all.

bloodyteenagers Sun 02-Oct-16 00:10:24

If it's in a joint account, I would move it now. Before he does to her account. If he has passwords for your personal account, that would also change, this minute.

BuggerMyOldBoots Sun 02-Oct-16 00:10:47

By "our" money he means "sil's money".

I definitely think you should make sure he can't get hold of it either then. I know it sounds extreme and I'm usually in favour of "our" money, but I would err on the side of caution here, especially if sil is likely to threaten/guilt DH

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