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(77 Posts)
manandbeast Sat 01-Oct-16 09:56:21

I am white British woman married to a Jewish man. We have a son who is technically not Jewish but of course has cultural influences from his dad's side of the family. No issues - it's all great.

Last night I was with my dad and his wife (not my mum). Who started complaining about how Jewish people are basically all over the BBC.

I reminded her that my husband and son are Jewish - my dad said well your son is technically not Jewish. And left it at that.

I just feel a bit weird about it. Like there's some kind of underlying feeling towards my husband and son.

The other day at work my colleague described someone who had been a bit mean with s charity donation as a fucking Jew.

I'm really upset by this and really shocked. Worse were the comments from my family.

I'm not being U, am I?

ilovesooty Sat 01-Oct-16 09:57:57

Did anyone challenge your colleague? That would be taken very seriously where I work.

UmbongoUnchainedInAPearTreeeee Sat 01-Oct-16 09:58:15

Of course you're not. But people are fucking are assholes and you have to learn to either grow a thicker skin or challenge it.

manandbeast Sat 01-Oct-16 09:59:48

I challenged my colleague

It's not the thickness of my skin that saddens me - it's that my son might have to hear this crap

Margay Sat 01-Oct-16 10:00:44

YANBU. Appalling comments!

QuiteLikely5 Sat 01-Oct-16 10:01:23

The mere mention of any religion is a prickly subject these days!

Direct people to MN and they will soon learn to shush

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs Sat 01-Oct-16 10:02:36

I second umbongo some people are just arse holes. If it was me, I'd challenge it every time I heard it and I'd definitely challenge my family coming out with such shite. My dad frequently comes out with Daily Fail rants but I won't let my ds listen to such utter bollocks. We all need to stand up for a better world for our kids.

manandbeast Sat 01-Oct-16 10:03:19

I don't think calling someone a fucking Jew because their charity donation was too low is the same as 'mentioning religion'

manandbeast Sat 01-Oct-16 10:04:24

Agree Give

Inyournightdress Sat 01-Oct-16 10:07:31

YANBU the 'Jews control the media' line is a common piece of anti-Semitic rhetoric.

Mozfan1 Sat 01-Oct-16 10:13:27

Wow... Am I just really naive or do people still actually think like this confused

Perfectlypurple Sat 01-Oct-16 10:19:47

I am disgusted. So glad you challenged your colleague. I bet they thought you were being over sensitive and 'pc'. I have challenged colleagues in the past. They hate it as they think everyone thinks like them.

Sandsnake Sat 01-Oct-16 10:22:24

That's anti-Semitic on both counts (especially your colleague) and really fucking insensitive. Some people seem to think that anti-Semitism is somehow an acceptable form of racism. It's not.

HardcoreLadyType Sat 01-Oct-16 10:23:33

There is so much ingrained racism in society.

I was thinking about a little childhood poem just earlier, (a bit like eeny meeny miny mo, but racist to a different group than that one is) and I was quite shocked that we had never been discouraged from saying it.

I think you are right to keep challenging, every time you hear such things, but your son will hear them, and I think you need to be prepared to discuss them with him, as they arise. This might include being able to explain reasons why Jewish people were historically "known for" being mean. (Discrimination forcing them into money lending, which they were then hated for doing, because they would, of course, expect repaying with interest, per the original agreement. And did you know, there is an archaic law, still on the statute books, that everyone in England should attend church on Christmas Day? Who was that intended to persecute, then, eh?)

Charley50 Sat 01-Oct-16 10:28:41

Yep racist. I think your dad and his wife especially need 'educating.' Their son-in-law is Jewish, and their grandson.

kesstrel Sat 01-Oct-16 10:29:06

The vice-chair of Momentum (the Corbyn supporting pressure group) has just been suspended from the Labour Party for her recent comments about anti-semitism and related issues.

You will always find anti-semitism on the right, but sadly it's becoming more and more common to find people on the left indulging in it, primarily by questioning or otherwise casting doubt on its existence. Possibly this is a (perhaps unconscious) strategy for justifying hostility to the existence of Israel, by downplaying the historic and current events that led to its creation.

YelloDraw Sat 01-Oct-16 10:32:03

You will always find anti-semitism on the right, but sadly it's becoming more and more common to find people on the left indulging in it

The left don't like Jews because they are stereotypically capitalist, entrepreneurial, hard working and keep their money within their own communities <massive generalisation>. Ergo, hated by the left for basically doing well.

tofutti Sat 01-Oct-16 10:54:40

The other day at work my colleague described someone who had been a bit mean with s charity donation as a fucking Jew.

I think that should be reported to HR.

And I would ask your parents if they would make their comment to your DH's face. And how they would feel if your son decided to observe Judaism.

Andrewofgg Sat 01-Oct-16 11:05:31

YANBU the 'Jews control the media' line is a common piece of anti-Semitic rhetoric.

So is "Jews are mean".

You may have let your colleague get away with it, you don't define"the other day", but warn him/her that if it ever happens again HR will know of it and you won't elt go.

Barbadosgirl Sat 01-Oct-16 11:10:50

YANBU. I would be heartbroken if my family members made comments in that vein. My son is dual heritage so I really do sympathise. As regards some of the comments re anti semitism, I tend to agree. I have noticed recently that some people who want to criticise the state of Israel some of its policies etc. (something I think we can say is not unacceptable per se), find it an easy leap to then comment about Jews generally- "the Jewish controlled media, Jews think they are superior, evil plot to control the world" etc.

Sugarcoma Sat 01-Oct-16 11:16:30

Very sad to hear this but not at all surprised. Anti-semitism is increasing across Europe and all the old medieval smears are being re-branded for a modern audience (e.g. Jews like to kill little Christian children now rebranded as "they kill kids in Gaza"; they control the media and government now rebranded as "they're all over the BBC").

The funny thing is, as proven by the mess in the Labour party, is that Jews are the only minority who are shouted down when they say something is anti-semitic - every other minority is allowed to define for themselves what is or isn't racist. Which is why you are in a particularly strong position - you are not Jewish yourself and if you are uncomfortable with what someone is saying because it seems anti-semitic it probably is and someone might pay more attention to you pointing out that it's anti-semitic than if your husband did.

Also, not to be morbid, but the Nazis didn't care whether or not your mother was Jewish - one Jewish parent on either side was enough to make you 'tainted' so even if your son may not be technically Jewish it's still important for him to learn to recognize and fight anti-semitism.

Tl;dr - you're definitely not U.

FrancisCrawford Sat 01-Oct-16 11:26:46

Well done for challenging her anti Semitism.

Way to go your dad for feebly trying to challenge you on a point of Semantics re your son. That was pathetic. Your son may not have a Jewish mother, but he has a Jewish father and may chose to follow his father's side of the family in religion.

I would be so tempted to buy some yarmulkes for husband and son to out on next time you see your DF and his wife.

If she insists on being a bigot, then you can insist on challenging her every single time.

She seems terribly interested in Judaism if she knows how many BBC people are Jewish. How on earth does she know this interesting fact? Is she going by surname and making huge assumptions or by some other method? I wasn't aware BBC employees had to state their religion. Or - and this is just a guess - she couldn't just be spouting bigoted crap, could she?

FrancisCrawford Sat 01-Oct-16 11:28:32

Actually, Sugar, the Nazis went further back than one generation hunting for Jewish ancestors.

manandbeast Sat 01-Oct-16 11:34:12

Thanks for your intelligent comments.

I will continue to challenge any racist remarks wherever I hear them.

Will talk again to my dad & his wife. It's particularly insensitive from her because she married a man from Pakistan in the late 70s and has a dual heritage child herself. I'm not sure what she was thinking - she's very well educated, well read liberal. In a way this makes it so much worse.

I will continue to educate myself so that in the future I can talk to my son about the reasons he might encounter such remarks if they happen. Or when I should probably say.

HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld Sat 01-Oct-16 14:02:10

It's new to me that Jewish is a race.

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