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To think there's still a stigma to online dating

(51 Posts)
definetlynotbored Sat 01-Oct-16 07:52:58

I'm 27 and I only know a handful of people within my social group who haven't ever used a dating site and among them the general consensus is attractive people don't need to and it's for people who can't meet anyone in 'real' life.

At lot of my friends lie about how they have met their partner when they met online. One of my friends lied for a year before 'coming clean' that she met her now husband on POF.

Another 'admits' it to me but tells everyone else they met at work.

If the stigma is gone then so many people wouldn't feel the need to hide it. And these are otherwise very confident people.

I have one friend who will never admit she met her partner on match.com. She has this great story about how they met at work but in reality he let it slip once how they met on match.com and said she told him he can never tell anyone!

My best friend is Gay and said in the gay community pretty much everyone uses online dating as there's little way to meet someone day to day so there is literally no stigma at all.

What do you lot think. Is there still a stigma to using dating sites?

Chocolatecake12 Sat 01-Oct-16 07:58:04

I met my dp online. I admit it.
I'm the only one of my friends who has split up with husband and then started dating. They are all fascinated! And tell me I'm very brave to online date. I felt it was safer to do that than hang out in bars!!

phillipp Sat 01-Oct-16 07:59:29

There is no stigma in my social and work circles, with regards to who uses it or as something embarrassing to admit. Plenty of people do it.

I would say that's it's viewed with some suspicion by most, including me. Not because there is anything wrong with on line dating, but because so many people I know have awful stories. From scary situations to people just pretending I be looking for a relationship but disappearing after they had sex, to people faking profiles or photos.

I have never online dated. If I became single I would never say never. However, as someone who hasn't done it, it's seems a very difficult way of dating that's full of potential problems.

Writerwannabe83 Sat 01-Oct-16 08:02:01

I met my DH through POF and when people asked how me met I just lied because I didn't want to admit to it. The only people who knew were my dad, my sister and my best friend.

However, as part of my dad's speech on my wedding day he decided to include the fact we'd met via OLD and it was awful. I sat in my chair and I wanted the ground to swallow me up grin

Since then though I tell everyone that we met via OLD but I think that's only because we're married now and so they know it turned into something 'real' as it were.

Loads of my friends met their partners via OLD but I agree that it's still something not many like to admit to.

Destinysdaughter Sat 01-Oct-16 08:02:56

I think in your twenties it's a lot easier to meet other single pp naturally. It gets harder as you get older so I think a lot of older pp use it. I don't think there's any stigma around it now. However it is fraught with problems as previous pp said!

Bellasima20 Sat 01-Oct-16 08:03:45

No- no stigma whatsoever. Know so many people who've married, met etc the love of their lives. Sadly in an age where everyone's too busy yet too shy to really chat anyone up anymore it's the main way and easiest way people meet. We do everything online now, dating no different.

Hassled Sat 01-Oct-16 08:04:03

I don't think there's a stigma and I'm pretty old. I know lots of people who use them and don't think anything about it, really. And tbh if I wasn't married and was actively looking to date, I just wouldn't ever meet any single men in RL - it would have to be online.

Writerwannabe83 Sat 01-Oct-16 08:04:18

From scary situations to people just pretending I be looking for a relationship but disappearing after they had sex.....

I imagine this happens a lot with face to face dating too. It's not a scenario that is specific to OLD. A character with morals like that is just as likely to do it to a woman he meets in a bar as he would a woman he meets online.

MohammedLover Sat 01-Oct-16 08:07:40

Nah, it is 2016 now. It is still becoming more and more popular, however there are still a few people who are 100% not at all interested. It has not been considered "sad" in my circle for well over ten years.

phillipp Sat 01-Oct-16 08:09:07

I imagine this happens a lot with face to face dating too. It's not a scenario that is specific to OLD. A character with morals like that is just as likely to do it to a woman he meets in a bar as he would a woman he meets online.

I agree to a point. But I find that a lot of my friends and colleagues who OLD end up feeling like they know the person as they have messaged for a while before hand. They feel there is a connection, when really they don't know anything concrete. They seem to already invested in the relationship, iyswim.

Where when you meet someone in a bar, you may be a bit more wary as you know nothing about them.

I have only ever dated people I have met through friends. I wouldn't really be up for sitting round bars to meet someone either.

I imagine if dh left me I would be alone forever grin

KatharinaRosalie Sat 01-Oct-16 08:09:26

No stigma in my social circle - I think about half the couples have met online

Boolovessulley Sat 01-Oct-16 08:14:14

I met my oh online as have many of my work colleagues.
I do think there is a bit of a stigma, a good friend of mine advised me not to do OLD, even though she has never tried it!

definetlynotbored Sat 01-Oct-16 08:14:30

The reason I ask is because while many people are not embarrassed/tell the truth about how they met their partner, it's also very common to lie about it. So if people need to lie there is still some stigma.

My friend uses it and is constantly meeting guys she thinks like her but just want sex, but yes, that can happen in any kind of dating and if you're a clever woman you can spot the signs of a guy who is only after a hook-up.

Writerwannabe83 Sat 01-Oct-16 08:16:51

The thing that drove me to it was the fact that all my friends were married off and had children or they were in LTR's and had children so I had nobody to go out with as such in order to meet people. I worked in a profession that is 95% female, so only a tiny, tiny chance of meeting anyone their either, and due to me working shifts having a social life was near impossible and so meeting people that way wasn't really an option either.

When I hit 27 with little prospects of meeting someone face to face and feeling quite lonely amongst my committed friends with children I decided to just take the plunge as it seemed like my only option.

My DH was the third person I met via OLD and it obviously turned out well grin

Mrswinkler Sat 01-Oct-16 08:27:08

If there's a stigma I think it's caused by the people too embarrassed to say they are online dating. If everyone were out in the open about it it wouldn't be seen as such a desperate thing to do.

RainyDayBear Sat 01-Oct-16 08:30:08

I don't think there's any stigma - when I was single and doing it my colleagues wanted to hear all about it! DP and I were good friends in real life, and we both admitted to each other we were doing OLD (and then went and looked each other's profiles online, which we both fessed up to on our first date!).

Evergreen17 Sat 01-Oct-16 08:39:06

Ye yes yes . Still a stigma. I met my DH on POF and we tell people. I tell people the same way I tell people that getting pregnant was not easy. I tell people because for me it is more important that other people find the confidence to find happiness than what makes me look good or not.

Some people are full of fake stories and an image and I dont have time for that smile

Evergreen17 Sat 01-Oct-16 08:40:21

What mrswinkler said, yes

SharkBastard Sat 01-Oct-16 08:53:51

I think there is still a stigma, but over the next few years I think that'll reduce even more as the number of people using this method increases.

I met DH online, I've always been open about it though as I was a lone parent & full time mature student so didn't get out much!

surferjet Sat 01-Oct-16 08:55:20

No stigma anymore, but I wouldn't join one in a million years, too many losers, weirdos, & liers on there - absolute minefield.
How did people meet before OLD became mainstream?

LemonRedwood Sat 01-Oct-16 08:57:00

No stigma in my social circle. I quite happily tell people that I bought my husband online grin

melibu84 Sat 01-Oct-16 09:01:03

I met my partner on OKCupid :D You have to wade through a lot of shit to find a good one lol.

I'm not sure there's really a stigma anymore. Loads of people are using dating apps now like Tinder, so I think it's becoming more acceptable to go online to meet people.

gunsandbanjos Sat 01-Oct-16 09:16:07

I met my partner online, no stigma at all.

VladmirsPoutine Sat 01-Oct-16 09:18:58

Writerwannabe83 Your story is lovely but I can't help but grin at the when I hit 27 as if it's the end of time. I have read the whole post but that bit just cracks me up smile

myownprivateidaho Sat 01-Oct-16 09:31:08

No, I disagree completely. Every single person I know in London in their late 20s/early 30s uses dating apps. It's totally normal.

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