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To be concerned, but not sure how to proceed.

(3 Posts)
flanjabelle Fri 30-Sep-16 12:33:32

Dd has recently started preschool. She settled well and is very happy. She has bonded well with her key person and is really enjoying her time there.

However I have some concerns regarding a child who is prone to violent behaviour. Nothing has happened to my dd, so if your opinion is that I should just keep my concerns to myself, I will accept that.

Firstly, my dd came home last week slightly upset as her friend had been bitten by a boy. She described the incident to me and was upset that her friend had been hurt. We had a conversation about how it's wrong to bite, but perhaps the little boy just hasn't learnt that yet. She spoke about it a lot, and I reassured her as best I could.

A couple of days later I am chatting with a nice mum of another child. She tells me that her friends child (who she had with her at the time) has been removed from the preschool as he was repeatedly attacked by this child. The preschool did not want the child to leave, but did not adequately protect the child from harm. He now goes to another nursery.

A lovely nan who does pick up and drop off of another child joined the conversation. Her grandson had been hurt by this same child a couple of days before. He had been hit in the face badly with a toy and had a large mark across his face. The part that concerned me was that it was not mentioned by the staff to the nan. She was not given an incident report or form to fill in, and it was only spoken about when the nan asked what on earth had happened to him. She was understandably upset.

This is the part that is concerning me the most. Incidents happen, children can get hurt, but i feel there should be a full explanation of what has happened and a reassurance that it is being dealt with.

The problems with this child have clearly been going on for a while, and children are being hurt. I now have concerns about my child's safety at preschool, but I am well aware that a lot of this could be seen as gossip, and my child has not been directly involved as of yet.

Also, the mother of the little boy who was removed from the preschool was told by the preschool that the boy who is being violent may have additional needs. This, I feel was very unprofessional of the preschool, and makes me even less confident in their ability to handle these situations correctly. However, dd is happy, settled and loving school. I feel so conflicted.

What would you do in my shoes? Aibu to feel concerned?

VioletBam Fri 30-Sep-16 23:27:20

There will always be children who hit in preschools and bite too. It's preschool....lots of the kids won't have self control yet.

My DD's never bit or hit anyone but I wasn't surprised when others did...they're all different. One of my DDs was poked in the face with a fork at preschool and the other was pushed off a stage and then sat on. I wasn't pleased but knew these things were relatively normal.

The only worrying thing is the lack of incident report but that was just have no reason to doubt this Gran's words but it's not something which has directly affected you so there's nothing you can do really.

To remove your own dd on the strength of other people's encounters with one child would be madness since she is happy.

PinkBrainsTasteGut Fri 30-Sep-16 23:32:39

This is one of the reasons a lot of preschools/nurseries won't tell you who bit who. People start to gossip about children and gang up on them a bit.

Also, I wouldn't be worrying about whether the preschool is professional or not based on what other people have said. People like to add drama to these things.

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