To have burst into tears in front of DSs teacher(49 Posts)
Probably posting for traffic but opinions and advice really needed.
DS5 has always been a bit 'different' but this became much more obvious when DD2 came along and then when he started school.
Long story short he hates groups of people. He finds it all very overwhelming (even when very young I didn't take him to toddler groups). He finds noise upsetting to the point he'll run away or clamp his hands over his ears.
We had to take him out of his first school and back to nursery as he was so unhappy and they couldn't manage him (wouldn't sit still, verbal and physical outbursts). Also he would just lie on the floor and screech if he felt too stressed.
We wondered if he was just am extreme end of 'normal' or whether there was something else going on. His new school has been great. He's fine in 1 on 1 situations but I've just seen his teacher today who said they are supervising his playtimes because he can't manage in a group and ends up getting upset or rough.
Cue the crying bit. I felt so sad for him that I can't fix this for him. He knows something isn't eight but can't work out how to inert with other kids. Academically is absolutely fine specially on topics he likes and his speech is amazing so it's more a social skills issue.
She then told me they think the schools SEN teacher should get involved as they also don't know whether it's purely an issue with social skills or if he has an undrlying issue.
So then I became a blubbering wreck. She was lovely but I felt guilty I hadn't taken it more seriously before and that my darling boy is struggling to fit in. He knows he's not fitting in but can't work out why.
Sorry for the long post but I'm totally overwhelmed at the moment.
I did that. Lots of times.
It sounds as though the school are doing their best which is a huge plus. But of course it's upsetting. We all think of our children just going through to school and it being ok.
My son is like this - he has sensory processing difficulties. Ten months of therapy later he is like a different child! Getting an answer will mean getting help. That can only be a good thing!
We are having issues with our son, similarly struggles with groups and social interaction. We suspect he is mildly autistic and are waiting for a referral to see the community paediatrician. I'm not suggesting your son is or is not but I totally understand your tears. We have been really upset and found it hard to comes to terms with even the possibility of SEN.
Firstly, you're human and would rather your child didn't have any kind of difficulty in life, so you're upset!
Secondly, it's far from being too late for him to get some help.
It sounds like school very much want to help.
You and your son have a place to move forward from now.
midnightlurker thank you. I think one of my big worries s that he'll always be like this as it'll effect the way he cN interact with people
Ah, yes. I've done that too, in meetings in front of professionals as well as teachers. I doubt very much it will be the last time for you, as it is so emotive to discuss your child's difficulties and struggles. Of course you're overwhelmed. Sometimes somebody will say something totally innocuous which will trigger tears, especially in this early period whilst you are having to adjust to totally different expectations for your ds. (For me this was ds's teacher saying he just didn't understand what was happening [he truly didn't] and poor teacher was distraught at my response.)
On the plus side, your ds's school staff sound willing to assist with supporting him, which is HUGE bonus.
I'm a senco, there is always a box of tissues in my office- for a very good reason. I am also really good at making cups of tea and explaining where the staff loo is.
All teachers will have had a parent cry in front of them. You care deeply about your child, therefore you may get emotional. It's fine, totally fine.
FWIW my DS has specific learning difficulties. Sometimes I cry about it.
Be reassured that as a teacher l have had many a parent burst into tears. Parents want life to be smooth for their children understandably and when it looks like it mightnt be they usually cry. It's good to get your little guy checked out.
Recently l was chatting to a young man at a party. Hearing l was a teacher he was telling me all about school and how he always felt out and couldn't really fit in. He is now a barrister. Probably doesn't completely fit in in a lot of situations still but loves that world and is very happy.
My DH is a Senco at a secondary school. It's more worthy of mention if someone hasn't cried on him in a day than if they haven't.
I have been a blubbering wreck all week in work because my DS has been seriously poorly recently. Anytime anybody asked about him I choked up. Don't worry. It is emotional dealing with the big stuff it is only natural. Wishing your DS the best.
It will affect your son's interaction with others, BUT with intervention he may well learn strategies and coping techniques as well as social skills. My ds was more severely affected than yours - non-verbal at school, made no attempts to communicate or make the slightest bit of eye contact, let alone wanting to make friends but not knowing how! After a lot of intervention (special social communications group lesson 3 times a week throughout infant school) he is as friendly and chatty as the next child.
Early intervention can help a lot, so don't despair. You can ask for suggestions for ways you can continue his learning at home, which should help a lot.
I know children are all different, but don't lose heart; I was afraid ds would retreat into his own little world but the efforts put in to help him have really paid off.
My DS has Aspegers so has these issues. But even though it took him a while he does have a group of like minded friends now and gets along with most of the kids in his class. So don't think that whatever his issue is means he will stay as he is now. Kids grow and adapt as do those around them.
Don't worry about the crying bit. You are human! And it shows how much you love your DS and how much you care!
(If it makes you feel any better I blubbed in front of my DDs teacher this morning after I had to walk her to school, for the second morning running, crying her eyes out with tiredness. First ever term at school.) I was embarrassed but the teacher assured me I'm not the first and I won't be the last!
At least the school are taking an active interest in him, and trying to assess his needs. They sound like they care too. Good luck.
He sounds exactly like my ds2. It's sensory with him too, parties are a nightmare, it's just too much for him. Don't worry about crying, it's hard and a good cry helps
If it makes you feel any better I burst in to tears in front of my sons school senco the first time I met her. I had been in her office for all of five seconds! Of course you worry, you just want them to be happy. Trust the school, speak to the senco. They can probably give you some reassurance.
I cried in the deputy Head's office at ds's school once, not little delicate tears but huge snotty sobs She made me a cuppa and gave me a box of tissues and apologised for not dealing the issue correctly. She was fab. They've seen it all before
Practically everytime I meet my son's SENco I cry. She has tissues in her office so I'm sure I'm not the only one! Your DS sounds very much like mine. I spent the 4 and a bit years before he started school thinking there was something a bit different with him but not sure what. It was his lovely Reception teacher that first started discussions with me about possible SEN and I became more aware of the differences between him and his classmates. He was diagnosed with autism about 18 months ago and now gets support not only from the school but from the LA autism advisors. He struggles with playtimes and social rules but can cope in mainstream and is happy (most of the time!!).
I hope you both get the help and support you deserve x
Thank you everyone for you replies. It's so hard coming to terms with the fact that he is finding life so hard at the moment but doesn't understand why.
I second the comment about parties. He likes the idea but finds them too hard to handle at times
I cried at every annual review, the worst one being in front of 6 people, it was horrendous. I've stopped crying now as she's at the right school and her needs are being met. I still cry at clinics but I'm getting better at it ( she's 13! That's a lit of clinics over the years)
Like many have already said don't worry about the crying and great school are being helpful.
I cried in my DS diagnosis meeting..Head, his teacher and assessor and some of the issues I felt like the worlds worst parent as I hadn't realised how he was affected.
Role on 9 months..Best thing that ever happened to him.He is a much happier boy and strategies in place to help him at school and new approach at home.. I have only cried at the head once since.. that was this week.
One thing for you to bear in mind..He is still the exact same boy he was prior to any diagnosis..We want life to be as easy as possible and for some children these assessments are the way forward
for you. I'm a teacher, I have two brothers with ASD (one is also bi-polar). The earlier you get an educational psychologist involved and some strategies I'm place, the better it will be for your son. Honestly, I'm a head of year, I've been doing this for 10 years and I can promise you, a diagnosis of any kind of SEN will not be the end of the world.
DS1 is very similar, and I once sobbed on the shoulder of a newly qualified teacher, on his first week at school.
The teacher will be understanding. When I taught (20 yrs ago) a parent cried when she had to explain that the brother of a child in my class had just been diagnosed with Leukemia.
I'm happy to say that the mother is now a friend on Facebook and the boy (man) is fine!
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