To not feel guilty that I shouted at dd

(33 Posts)
Irush Thu 29-Sep-16 19:00:46

She's 16. I rarely shout. I asked her to help me tidy the kitchen, she said no. I asked her to go and check on her horse, she said no. I lost my temper, said something cross, she told me to 'calm the fucks down' which shocked me and made me LIVID and said for fucks sake and threw the pot I was washing into the sink where it broke.

Dh walked in from work at that very moment and is now not speaking to me as I swore in front of the children.

Surely it's not that horrific to lose your temper once in a while? I've spent all week driving dd around and listening to her moaning about not having enough clothes and not being picked up from a party at 2am (I've refused) and I've had enough. And I've had MIL on the phone saying how tired dh looks and I need to feed him more (we are 50 fgs)

00100001 Thu 29-Sep-16 19:01:37

What does DD think?

Irush Thu 29-Sep-16 19:03:20

She thinks I'm an unreasonable cow!

GunnyHighway Thu 29-Sep-16 19:04:18

Why should you feel guilty?

Irush Thu 29-Sep-16 19:06:20

Oh I don't know. I suppose I do feel a bit guilty. God knows why though as dd was bring bratty and entitled and using A levels as an excuse for doing precisely bugger all while expecting me to bankroll her expensive hobby.

Amandahugandkisses Thu 29-Sep-16 19:06:32

Your DH needs to get over it.

AnythingMcAnythingface Thu 29-Sep-16 19:08:05

Dd swore at you. You swore at dd. Maybe he thinks it's a regular occurrence and he's just discovered it.

I'd struggle to believe the first time I witness something is truly the first time it happened. Maybe dd can vouch for this when you both calm down.

I'd be really unsettled if I heard dh swear about dd

Giratina Thu 29-Sep-16 19:08:07

Does DH know she swore at you first?

Realhousewivesofshit Thu 29-Sep-16 19:08:20

Right love.

First off is your dd mine? Been there. I suggest you tell dh to talk to his daughter and tell her he expects her to have a bit mote respect for her mother and she must apologise.

How dare he not speak to you. He should be backing you up!

She's 16 not 6 she's heard you say fuck. Good. Show her you have reached your limit.

Now go out. Stay out for a few hours. When you get back do not sisal to either of them unless they apologise.

Tomorrow do not do anything for your dd as in cooking, washing, cleaning until she apologised.

user1473872482 Thu 29-Sep-16 19:08:32

Not guilty for shouting or buying her new clothes as surely she can save up for that at her age but why did you not pick your daughter up from a party at 2 in the morning?

paddlenorapaddle Thu 29-Sep-16 19:09:35

It happens you are human after all next time she wants ferrying around tell her to ask Dad

And then let her know any more of this bullshit n the horse is gone and you'll use the money for a well earned spa break

user1473872482 Thu 29-Sep-16 19:09:53

You deserve a apology from your daughter though for her disrespectful manner and your husband needs to back you up as well.

Irush Thu 29-Sep-16 19:09:53

Yes, he's entitled too. His business isn't going well and he's stressed but I'm trying to hold everything together and I snapped. He is walking around with a face like sour milk.

PickledCauliflower Thu 29-Sep-16 19:10:30

I would be shouting as well.
You are obviously tired and fed up, others need to recognise this and then you wouldn't feel the need to shout.
Are you supposed to pander to everyone else's needs, do everything while others do little and not ever get annoyed?
If I was yourself, I would start taking care of myself more and less of others.

Realhousewivesofshit Thu 29-Sep-16 19:11:10

Anything she didn't swear st her dd she just said for fucks sake. It's not like she called her a fucking lazy cow is it? Which lets face it she deserved.

And again she's 16! Not a little snowflJ

kiki22 Thu 29-Sep-16 19:11:12

I wouldn't 16 is practically ab adult and she's refusing to help then telling you to calm the fuck down id have told her to fuck the fuck off and see to her horse before I kicked her bratty ass out of my house.

As for swearing in front of the children you swore at a 16 year old who swore at you first and if you had younger children there watching their sister act like a brat and disrespect their mother should be a much bigger issue than the dreaded F word

Realhousewivesofshit Thu 29-Sep-16 19:11:28

Snowflake

Irush Thu 29-Sep-16 19:12:34

user the party hadn't happened. It's at the weekend and she's asked me to collect her at 2 and I've said no.

Last time I told her to ask dh to pick her up at midnight, he fell asleep. I woke up, realises he hadn't gone, couldn't wake him so I had to bloody do it! I don't mind doing it occasionally before midnight but no way 2am

PickledCauliflower Thu 29-Sep-16 19:13:07

I have never picked up my kids up from parties at 2am as I am always in bed at that time.
They were either old enough to sleep over - or pay for a taxi home or not old enough to be out until 2am.

chitofftheshovel Thu 29-Sep-16 19:14:47

Your DH is being massively unreasonable here for not supporting you. Yes if you walk in to somebody shouting and swearing you might feel sorry for the person being shouted at, but surely you find out what has been going on from your partner, agree that DD's behaviour was atrocious and DW's behaviour was justified and then go and have a word with DD and tell her in no uncertain terms that she must apologise to her mum and help the household.

AnythingMcAnythingface Thu 29-Sep-16 19:15:38

That's definitely a fair point, and from what OP has said since I posted I definitely change my opinion on his reaction. It's sounds like he is projecting his shit on the situation much more that he cares what actually happened... I too would be lifting my car keys and going out for a nice long coffee.

cardibach Thu 29-Sep-16 19:17:45

user I'm pretty sure the OP means she's refused to pick her up at 2am at some future date, not that she left her stranded!
YANBU, OP. Sometimes we say things which seem fight in the moment which generally aren't. Doesn't mean they aren't justified at the time. I called my daughter a little bitch once when she was 16 and behaving like that. She isn't, but she was behaving like one. We're very close, it didn't spoil anything. I still feel a bit guilty about it though, so I get what you mean.

PickledCauliflower Thu 29-Sep-16 19:22:44

I'm not surprised that you got cross when she refused to take care of her horse.
Owning a horse is huge responsibility and a very costly one.
Little madam.

FrancisCrawford Thu 29-Sep-16 19:31:51

Oh 16 is such a hard age to have to live with.

Huge sympathies to you.

Of course you weren't unreasonable to reach breaking point. We've all been there with a teen.

If she wants to go to the party then either she leaves at a time you are prepared to pick her up, or (if you are ok with her staying out till 2) then she books a taxi and pays for it herself.

And as for the horse - that is absolutely her sole responsibility and one she cannot shirk. If she won't look after it , then it is sold.

Irush Thu 29-Sep-16 19:34:21

She's been to do the horse and dh went with her. I've been to pick dd2 up from dancing and we've had a nice chat. Dds gave me a cuddle when I got in, she is a truly lovely child but she's only 10. I will try and enjoy the next few years of her confused

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