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To not of moved

(227 Posts)
Pretenditsaplan Thu 29-Sep-16 18:17:40

I get half an hour for lunch. During that time I like to sit on a bench near to my work and read. During that time I'll smoke 2 cigarettes one when I first get there and one just before I go back in. Today I'm just lit my second cigarette and just getting to a good bit in my book.

A lady with a screaming kid in a pushchair sits on the bench next to me. Not on one of the equally pleasant but slightly further away from the fag smoke benches but on a bench so close if there hadn't of been arm rest between us we'd of be touching. I thought it was a little weird but she was probably just harassed dealing with little ones temper tantrum.

She calms the girl down and starts feeding her some lunch. I get on with my book. She does that little cough thingy to get my attention. I glance up and she's pulling her face like shes stepped in dog shit but says nothing so I ignore her. She steps up the fake coughing and when I don't look up this time leans over and says pointedly "that's going in my face"

I'm a little non plussed because there's 8 benches around a small town square and I'm the only one smoking. Behind is a flower bed thing were another lady is perched also smoking. There's 3 other sides all smoke free. I mumbled an apology and tried to hurry my fag.

At this point she's raises her voice and says "I think it's disgusting your smoking next to a child that's eating." By now I'm getting annoyed. She chose to sit there and if she hadn't noticed me to begin with she could of easily moved before starting to pass her child wotsits. I point out very calmly I was smoking when she sat down. She tells me I should of moved as soon as she did and she shouldn't have to put up with it.

At this point I'm almost finished and about to go back to work when she goes on a tirade that I shouldn't be smoking anyway that I was too young and it was illegal in public places. I finish my fag and tell her not only am I 30 and can smoke if I damn well please it's illegal to smoke in enclosed public places but outside it's perfectly legal. (At which point I hear a laugh from the woman behind me.) Angry lady gathers her things and storms off and sits on the benches opposite glaring at me. By this time my breaks finishing and and saunter past her with a big smile and a wave.

What annoyed me was the assumption even though I'd been sitting there well before she got there I should move as she's so much more important. But I've been having a bad day so maybe I should of bowed down to her mightiness and and just moved. Wibu to not just move as soon as she sat down?

Sirzy Thu 29-Sep-16 18:20:27

If you were smoking when she sat down then yanbu. She chose to sit next to a smoker.

MrsPMT Thu 29-Sep-16 18:20:40

It was definitely up to her to move. YANBU at all

booellesmum Thu 29-Sep-16 18:21:20

No, you are not being unreasonable. I do not smoke but I if someone else wants to that is their choice. I would have sat on a different bench. Think she wanted to be awkward and pick an argument on purpose.

Tinklypoo Thu 29-Sep-16 18:21:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pretenditsaplan Thu 29-Sep-16 18:22:54

If she'd of been there when I got there I would of gone to the benches as far away from her as possible so I didn't bother theme. It's just really bugged me all day since then.

SallyR0se Thu 29-Sep-16 18:23:18

You were there first. You should be able to smoke in peace, wherever smoking is permitted. It's up to the mum to figure out what's best for her child, not for her to suggest what's best for a total stranger...

pinkyredrose Thu 29-Sep-16 18:24:11

YWNBU! She chose to sit there.

user1471524661 Thu 29-Sep-16 18:26:17

I think you know she was out of order. She sounds like a proper PITA who shouldn't have sat next to you if she has that much of an issue with second hand smoke. I personally just wouldn't have sat next to you as I hate smoke but prefer to be polite.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta Thu 29-Sep-16 18:27:32

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

listsandbudgets Thu 29-Sep-16 18:28:02

I don't like smoking but it's your choice to do so. I wouldn't have sat next to you with or without a child if there was an option.

If you were on only bench and there was a breeze and I was desperate to sit down I might have asked politely if you'd mind swapping ends so the smoke wouldn't blow towards me but I certainly wouldn't have been so rude


Mitzimaybe Thu 29-Sep-16 18:28:10

You were outdoors. You were there first and were already smoking when she arrived. There were plenty of other benches for her to choose.

Actually, even if you weren't already smoking when she arrived...

YANBU and should not feel guilty at all. She was very rude.

(from someone who hates having cigarette smoke blown over her.)

JosephineMaynard Thu 29-Sep-16 18:28:31

She was unreasonable.

I don't like being around cigarette smoke. So in the situation you describe, I would have sat on a bench away from the smoker.

It's unreasonable and silly to sit as close to a smoker as possible and then whine about how you don't like cigarette smoke.

Pretenditsaplan Thu 29-Sep-16 18:28:54

Considering yesterday I had a little old lady sit next to me just as I had a lighter to the cigarette. I stopped and let her know I was about to smoke and if she wanted to not sit next to me I wouldn't be offended or I could move if that was easier. Though that turned out to be because she wanted find out if I'd found Jesus. She laughed when I said I'm pretty sure he's on the till in boots (there is indeed a guy called Jesus that's normally working in there).

YelloDraw Thu 29-Sep-16 18:28:55

Whilst I hate smoking, you were totally in the right here. She shouldn't have sat next to you when you were smoking.

Mudmagnetoftheworld Thu 29-Sep-16 18:29:01

I'm a non smoker and can't stand fag smoke. But I have to say YANBU and she was being an entitilled arse.

Mudmagnetoftheworld Thu 29-Sep-16 18:30:11


harderandharder2breathe Thu 29-Sep-16 18:32:28

I hate smoking, so I wouldn't chose to sit next to a smoker, especially with a child and food. Because whether I like it or not, smoking on a park bench is perfectly legal and you're doing nothing wrong at all.

She chose to sit there, knowing you were smoking, and start feeding her child. She is entirely the unreasonable one here.

The one who came first should stay and the other should move if they're not happy (although I'm sure most smokers wouldn't smoke next to a toddler if there was other available seats further away)

Chinnygirl Thu 29-Sep-16 18:33:28

I don't smoke and really dislike the smell when I'm eating and I still think she was being very unreasonable. You were already smoking so she could have chosen to sit somewhere else. Some people are so difficult sometimes.

FoxesOnSocks Thu 29-Sep-16 18:38:46

Oh good grief!! I just don't understand this type of thinking.

I know someone like her, many moon ago I met another mother with our PFB toddlers and second babies. At this coffee place there was an outside spot aka a smoking area.

It was sunny and this woman insisted we went to the outside seats, 'OK' some of us said 'but it's the smoking area'.

Off we went, then some unfortunate soul comes out with their coffee and lights up. She FLIPPED out (the mother I was with) went on and on and on about smoking with a child by her

Mother woman stormed off with a 'I'm going to Daisy and Tom's, where there are pleasant non smoking people'

After I'd uncringed myself I had to apologise for the madness.

In a nutshell YANBU.

AuntJane Thu 29-Sep-16 18:43:14

You are NBU.

And I would have asked her what she thought she was doing giving a child that age Wotsits.

NotYoda Thu 29-Sep-16 18:57:18


Jinxxx Thu 29-Sep-16 18:58:55

No You were not BU in these circumstances. But FWIW I do get a bit wound up by smokers who either monopolise all available public seating, or, worse, sit down by me and kids (eating or otherwise) and then light up, and it does happen often. If they go on to drop their cigarette litter as well (also common) that is VVU.

EweAreHere Thu 29-Sep-16 19:01:57

I can't stand cigarette smoke.

YADNBU. You were there first and smoking. There were plenty of places to sit. The nutter was out of line.

Giratina Thu 29-Sep-16 19:02:40

I used to smoke, I was out having a wander round town one lunch break and stopped to window shop. Some daft woman came and stood right beside me and then moaned about getting "a faceful of smoke". I was hmm too. YANBU.

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