DW says my claim that normal middle aged couples have sex once a week is wildly OTT

[DadSeeksWifeInstructionManual]

We're both 51 (and DS is 7). We've averaged sex about once every 3 weeks for the last 6 years. But that's only because I keep asking - otherwise it would be never happen.
She enjoys it when we get round to it, but never initiates as she's tends to get carried away with her latest book/ tv show/ marking of homework etc. (BTW I do all the shopping and cooking).

Is once a week unreasonable?

[Blueskyrain]

Yes, I'd personally want a fair amount more, barring illness, circumstances which make that impossible etc. Once a week may be a good compromise for you both, but it very much is still a compromise.

[OdinsLoveChild]

I hope you have your hard hat on because you're going to get flamed for this
Incidentally why do you think its remotely appropriate/romantic or desirable for you to expect sex once a week? What does your wife want? Shouldn't it be about what yo both would like?

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Once a week is unreasonable if that is more often than she wants. You need to talk to your wife about this, not us.

[LittleDittyAbout]

Stop pestering her. Ew.

[AndNowItsSeven]

Odins yes it should be about what both spouses want. However it's unreasonable to withhold sex unless there are medical reasons, either mental or physical or exhaustion.

[MakemineaGandT]

Hmmm......I'd say once a week is entirely reasonable in terms of expectations. However, there is no fun for either person unless it's a mutual wish.......being coerced into sex is a major passion killer. So, whilst YANBU in terms of your wishes, you need to tread carefully. Communication is key - talk to her - what is holding her back? Don't get angry with her - she may be missing sex too. Does she still find you attractive?

[thecatsclinkers]

Im in your situation....although I would like sex numerous times a week.

My DH would be happy with once a month.

Sadly we are on the once a month road rather than a compromise.

YANBU in my opinion, but because you are on MN, you will probably take a beating. If a woman posts the same, the responses are usually very different!

[bilboteabaggin]

God how unreasonable that you should wNt to have a sexual relationship with your partner and not have to feel like she's doing you a favour when you occasionally do have sex

My advice LTB go be with someone who wants you as much as you want them!

[TheWrathFromHighAtopTheThing]

Well, it doesn't matter what other couples do though. It matters what you both want. And they seem to be different things...

[AnneLovesGilbert]

You wouldn't want to have sex with someone who didn't want to have sex with you. So it doesn't really matter what anyone else does, does it?

Have you asked her if she'd like to make a regular date for doing it, then you won't be asking her and you can both look forward to it? Is this what happens once every three weeks?

Describing what you do is nagging is pretty grim and not very respectful. She's a person, not a thing.

[AnythingMcAnythingface]

I'm a bit younger, but dh often works away so we usually have a lot while we are together. While he is home it is mosts days at least once. I imagine it wouldn't be daily if he was home every night.
Yanbu to want it. But a weekly requirement seems really stifling and not at all a turn on!

[Soubriquet]

Stop bloody asking

Do you know how much a turnoff it is to have a man begging for sex?

Seriously

We have it once a month and that's plenty for me.

Dh would love it more but I don't. I shouldn't have to have sex if I don't want it

[fuzzywuzzy]

that's so clinical, ex used to say normal couples would have sex several times a nit every single day, or something horrendous like that. I didn't want to touch him with my worst enemies barge pole frankly.

We have sex when we're both in the mood, sometimes we might go sometime without having sex, because we have a lot on are tired, not in the mood, just want to cuddle.

Do you spend time together just being together, enjoin one another's company without pressuring your wife for sex?

I don't think every middle aged couple has sex once a week, no.

[OdinsLoveChild]

However it's unreasonable to withhold sex unless there are medical reasons, either mental or physical or exhaustion

Err no it isn't. Its unreasonable to expect sex on the basis you are married/long term partner and you fancy it once a week and under the illusion that everyone else gets it once a week so you feel left out. Its not a prize for behaving yourself and its not a right either. Its something 2 (or more) people engage in who are mutually respectful of each other and enjoy sharing their bodies with each other that they have wholeheartedly consented to. I'm going before I get really cross and say something inappropriate.

[XinnaJane]

If age doesn't want sex she doesn't want sex. We're all entitled to not feel like doing it. Equally, you're entitled to not feel like the relationship works for you on current terms. But ultimately you shouldn't be badgering her to have sex she doesn't want.

[mintthins]

Someone who thinks that doing the shopping and cooking means they deserve sex really is not remotely attractive enough to get sex. Why on earth do you think that relevant? (Rhetorical, by the way, don't want an answer) Eurgh.

[XinnaJane]

*she, not age

[FlyingElbows]

"It's is unreasonable to withhold sex unless there are medical reasons..." are you for fucking real? Go to the relationships board right now and you will find posters who live every day with that bullshit. In the real world we call taking one for the team "rape". No person should ever feel obligated to have sex they do not want. Not ever. To coin a mumsnet favourite in this instance "no" really is a complete sentence.

[witsender]

However it's unreasonable to withhold sex unless there are medical reasons, either mental or physical or exhaustion

How about..."I don't want to"? Seems like a good enough reason to me.

[whattodowiththepoo]

YOU DONT NEED A HARD HAT OP YOU NEED A FUCKING TANK.
DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR, LEAVE AND NEVER LOOK BACK.
I'm not sure I could be in a relationship if we had massively different libidos. If DP is in the mood and I'm not I get in the mood.

[acasualobserver]

It sounds as if you need an e-stim device OP. There's an interesting thread about this going at the moment.

[Blueskyrain]

Of course someone shouldn't have to have more sex than they want, but sex is a reasonable expectation in a marriage, and if its not there, then there's a massive risk of the relationship falling apart.

I wouldn't want to be in a sexless/low sex marriage.

[LouisvilleLlama]

I think there's a difference between withholding and not wanting sex