To have put it in the bin

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Please don't flame me as I'm feeling pretty shit atm, constructive advice welcome!

Struggling lately, I've got an 8 year old, a toddler and a dh working long hours, I'm finding the domestic drudgery challenging.

8 year olds room was a complete and utter tip. Every few months his dad and I go in and clean it with him from top to bottom, declutter, tidy, show him where to put things. Then I just ask him to keep on top of it day to day, I tell him exactly what to do and break it all down for him.

He leaves all the loss of his felt tip pens all over the floor, hides dirty clothes and socks down the side of the bed and in toy boxes, leaves games jumbled up and trashed, hides wet towels in the wardrobe, you name it it's there.

All he cares about is the games console and is generally getting cheeky. So I've banned it until further notice.

At the weekend once again we went in and sorted it all out, got rid of loads, believe me it should be really easy for him to keep tidy. He promised he'd put things away. I said if I found felts all over the floor with lids off I'd bin them.

This morning what do I find? Felt all over the floor with kids off. So I did, I binned them.

Of course he was upset and I feel awful but I'm so fed up of it, I want him to learn to appreciate things and look after things more.

It's not just felts it's all the games from the console and Nintendo ds that I find dumped everywhere.

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

YANBU and I would have done tbe same.

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Oh sorry for all the spelling mistakes.

Hopefully you can make sense of all that.

[SnugglySnerd]

You made a threat and followed it through. It's not as though he hadn't had plenty of warnings. You did the right thing.

[Thebookswereherfriends]

Absolutely the right thing to do. I would also make him buy new ones with his own money. If he has to buy them he might start looking after them.

[seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom]

Ugh I feel for you my 8 year old DS is EXACTLY the same. His room is shocking. You have put a lot of effort in to helping him keep it tidy and set clear boundaries about what you expect him to do and what is unacceptable. You told him the consequence - which is direclty linked to the behaviour. He ignored that and you have carried through with your consequence. YANBU.

I think you could have a chat with him about it and maybe give him the opportunity to show you that he can fix it and be responsible. Maybe agree that if he keeps the room tidy and looks after his things for x amount of time you will buy him new felts (but only from poundland, not £5 crayola ones!).

[Tiredqueen87]

My DD is 7, if I have to mention felt tip lids one more time I will go insane! They go straight in the bin, I'm ruthless and take no prisoners, i do a general tidy/neaten up of her room everyday , make bed and side things etc. All I ask is that games are put away and art things. If this can not be managed then they are gone.

[EllieHandMeDownBaby]

He'd had plenty of warnings. And at 8 he's old enough to understand consequences.
You set out the rules and then followed through on them. That's good parenting.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
And maybe sit down a bit later today and talk to him about what he can do to earn some new felt tip pens...like proving he can keep his room tidy!

[idontlikealdi]

YANBU - 5yo DTs get a warning - pen without lids go in the bin. And they do.

They also are never ever allowed pens upstairs!

[PurpleDaisies]

My mum did this once. I remember being really upset but it did make me tidy up more.

If he was warned this would happen you're right to have followed through.

[lilydaisyrose]

No pens in bedrooms! Coloured pencils only!

[ProfessorPreciseaBug]

You did right..

As they say, never make a threat unless you will carry it out. DS has just learned there are limits and consequences... Though he will probably have the hump...

[Pigeonpost]

You did right. I have just discovered that my 8 yo and his 5 yo brother have drawn all over their bedroom window ledge with bloody felt tips. Grrr

[youngestisapsycho]

My 10yr DD is still the same! We blitz her room and everything has a home, but she always has things out over the floor. I started a clear floor rule in that every bedtime her floor must be clear, so all toys put away. This lasts a few days then it's back to normal with crap everywhere.... drives me insane. We even promised to paint her room for her, as she wanted it a different colour, if she could keep it tidy and put things away. This hasn't worked either. The pot of paint has been sitting under the stairs for 7 months!

[crispandcheesesanwichplease]

You have done exactly the right thing OP. He's old enough to manage basic tidying.

Please don't feel bad or guilty, as a PP said, you are being a good parent.

Felt tips with no lid on quickly become useless so where else is there for them to go but the bin?

I disagree with another PP who mentioned buying him more if he keeps his room tidy. You shouldn't have to bribe him into doing basic tasks. If he wants them replacing let him buy them with his own money or get some for christmas/birthday.

I would also keep hold of his games console until his behaviour improves and is maintained for a while.

[RiverTam]

This sounds very familiar, did you post about this last week?

[2kids2dogsnosense]

You did the right thing.

Never make a threat if you aren't prepared to carry it out.

You warned him, he ignored the warning, and now he faces the consequences. Let him buy himself some new pens. This time he'll look after them.

He will know better next time.

[SleepFreeZone]

You've taught him a life lesson. One day this will help him 👍

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Thanks all.

Yes I did post about it recently Rivertam, had a mixed bag of responses, although since then we've been in a cleaned and decluttered. This is sort of my plan in action.

I felt particularly bad he was saying the blue felt was his only blue felt tip. Perhaps confiscating it would have been better.

I just want to send a strong message, I pointed out that felt tips with lids off would be ruined anyway.

[LemonBreeland]

YANBU. It does seem to be a particularly bad age for mess though. DS2 has just turned 9 and constantly has mess in his bedroom. He also rushes tidying when asked to do it so he can get back to his tablet. That has now been confiscated, but now he ignores mess in favour of reading. Can't confiscate books!

[WorraLiberty]

YANBU and don't let him make you feel bad about his 'only blue felt tip'.

He's trying to manipulate you emotionally. Believe me, my 3 were very good at trying that on

Tell him if it was his only blue felt tip, that was all the more reason for him to have looked after it.

[Lighthouseturquoise]

I feel like I'm really up against it.

At the weekend dh was asking ds to help with some small jobs, ds was just being really cheeky and stroppy. This is how I ended up saying the games console is banned.

Of course I don't expect him to be perfect but he was even leaving banana skins and apple cores lying around downstairs. I'd send him to get changed after school I'd tell him to pop his uniform on his bed but I'd find the jumper screwed up on the stairs, a sock in the bathroom, trousers inside out on the landing, school shirt on my bed, another sick down the side of the bed.

[Lweji]

You had been warned, so you are to blame for not having a blue felt anymore.

That's all you need to say.

It will sink in.

[Lighthouseturquoise]

Sock not sick!

Thanks.

[SweetGrapes]

YANBU - now he knows you will follow through.

My kids get a 15 minute warning - 'I am coming through with the bin bag'. It usually takes them 10 minutes to put everything away - a bit jumbled up but good enough.