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AIBU?

To go away for 4 nights?

12 replies

whoisright58 · 28/09/2016 20:57

My sister lives abroad and has just had her first baby. Months ago when she was still pregnant we arranged that I would visit them next month to meet the baby. Flights were dirt cheap and I'll be staying with her. I have a good friend who lives there too so I can also catch up with her. I've really been looking forward to it. I don't go out much or do anything really as life is busy these days. She comes home a lot but I haven't been over to her in about 3 years.

Asked DH at the time of booking if it was ok with him, as we have 3 under 8 and he will have to take two days off work. He said it was fine. I'm booked to go Wednesday evening to Sunday morning.

Now, a few weeks beforehand he is going mad and saying I should cancel. He is busy in work at the moment (unforeseen) and thinks we've too much going on in general. I said I'd arrange childcare (family) so he doesn't need to take time off work but he said it's the mornings and evenings that are hard which I agree with in fairness. But I did two evenings, bedtimes etc on my own last week as he was out straight from work at work events and I managed, even though I too was busy in work & totally exhausted.

Also FIL just booked an anniversary mass commemorating MIL's death for the same weekend so I will miss it. Big family event and DH will have to bring the 3 DC, without me. Finally it turns out my sister is coming home for an extended period about a month after my trip so he says I can see them then.

I think he's being an asshole. He thinks I'm being selfish.

OP posts:

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Dragongirl10 · 28/09/2016 21:12

YANBU.

You asked him before the trip, when he said he has increased work you said you have found family childcare so he is being a PITA.

Of course he should be able to take care of his own kids for two mornings and nights!

Go and enjoy

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T0ddlerSlave · 28/09/2016 21:39

It sounds like a really special time with your sis and you won't be able to give the same support with your kids around.

If he doesn't have to take time off, go for it. Help him get organised before you go, with food in the freezer, uniforms ready etc and it'll be fine.

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edwinbear · 28/09/2016 21:52

He's being an asshole and should be man enough to honour his agreement that you could go. YANBU.

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seminakedinsomebodyelsesroom · 28/09/2016 21:52

YANBU. Go and spend this special time with your sister. The rest of your family will cope :)

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icanteven · 28/09/2016 22:36

He's being a twat. If he wanted to go off to visit his brother for four nights it wouldn't enter his head to cancel because you felt overwhelmed by bedtime for three kids. It's his own children, ffs, not a bloody farm.

You need to point him in the direction of www.facebook.com/MANWHOHASITALL

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icanteven · 28/09/2016 22:37

Help him get organised before you go, with food in the freezer, uniforms ready etc and it'll be fine. Why?

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LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 28/09/2016 22:40

The mornings and evenings are hard. So? I imagine they're hard for you too when he has time away. DH is away this week and I'm struggling with one DC! But that's family life. You go and get your bag packed and you go!

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icanteven · 28/09/2016 22:41

Handy suggestion:

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JulietteL · 28/09/2016 23:39

YANBU. He needs to suck it up.

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Peanutandphoenix · 29/09/2016 04:29

YANBU tell him to stop being a twat it's alright for him to leave you to deal with the kids but it's not alright for you to leave him to deal with the kids I don't think so he's being a massive knob he knew about this months ago it would be a different story if it was his brother or sister that he wanted to go and visit. He can't stop you from going to see your own sister so get your bags packed and tell him to suck it up and deal with it.

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Secretmetalfan · 29/09/2016 06:48

Just go. He expected yoo to manage. A father should be just as capable of looking after his kids as the mother.

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whoisright58 · 29/09/2016 08:00

Thanks all. To be fair he does as much around the house/with the kids as me and has minded them before when I went to a wedding abroad last year so he's well able, I think it's just the work thing and that its 4 nights that's worrying him. And he has never gone away without me except for work although he does go out after work the odd time whereas on the rare occasion I go out, kids are usually in bed already.

But I think he's being ridiculous about this and have every intention of going! It's unfortunate that he's busy in work and will be tired but neither of us anticipated that.