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Should I invite her or not?

(46 Posts)
Foxysoxy01 Wed 28-Sep-16 19:11:15

Sorry this is long as I need to explain the backstory.

So I am planning my wedding for next year.

I am thinking about invites and numbers and am not quite sure what to do about inviting a certain friend.

We have known each other for a really long time and saw each other fairly regularly until a few years ago where we both moved and sort of drifted apart.
She has always been a bit of a user and only really hung out with me if her other friends were busy or she had fallen out with them. It was not uncommon to not hear from her for 6 months then get a text or message on Facebook saying we hadn't seen each other for ages and needed a catch up and when should we meet. (Normally after I had posted a picture or been tagged in a pic)
This was fine and I met her if I wasn't busy but didn't push the relationship at all and left it up to her to make the first move.

Well she got pregnant (single parent) and I sent her congrats messages and if she needed anyone at scans etc I would help and she text saying thanks but that was pretty much it.

She had baby and put loads of stuff on Facebook and got new mummy friends and didn't speak to me for ages, she put all about her child's christening and didn't invite me.

She seems to not be quite so close to mummy friends anymore which might be worth bearing in mind.

I announced my engagement on FB and she got in touch immediately wanted to know all about it and wanted to get involved I texted back a bit but tried to be fairly aloof as felt a bit pissed off that she wants an invite and be involved in my wedding but didn't invite me to her sons christening.

Would I be really petty and mean to not invite her? It's not a massive wedding and inviting her wouldn't really matter budget wise but I just feel a bit upset she didn't want to know me when she had all her mummy friends and didn't invite me to her sons christening, but then I didn't send a card only sent a message.

I would probably drop the friendship as we don't really talk unless she is reminded of my existence but as more stuff goes on Facebook she is more likely to get back in touch and I don't know what to say.

John4703 Wed 28-Sep-16 19:14:51

I'm probably in a minority but if she is a friend that you have known for ages I'd invite her. OK she was a bit a lot out of order not inviting you to the Christening but you can show you are better than that and invite her

gandalf456 Wed 28-Sep-16 19:16:08

Evening do maybe?

harderandharder2breathe Wed 28-Sep-16 19:17:58

Do you want her there? Surely that is the most important thing

TaterTots Wed 28-Sep-16 19:24:11

You don't really seem to want her there. If that's not true, ask her, but only to the evening do.

Bringmewineandcake Wed 28-Sep-16 19:29:45

I wouldn't bother, she's not really your friend.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Wed 28-Sep-16 19:30:22

OP, don't bother, you don't need an excuse, or for us to make up your mind.
You've said it all, she's a user !
Go ahead and have a wonderful wedding, with the people you want around, to celebrate with you.

ImperialBlether Wed 28-Sep-16 19:30:25

It wouldn't even occur to me to invite her. The first thing you said was that she was a user. Frankly, she sounds bloody horrible - even if I invited 1,000 people, she wouldn't be amongst them.

bloodymaria Wed 28-Sep-16 19:32:03

I don't know, aren't christenings really only for family and close friends? I could be wrong. In any case it's sounds like you're both pretty causal regarding your friendship, and it's your wedding - do what makes up most happy.

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 28-Sep-16 19:34:07

She's really not your friend. i would not invite her, and probably change my FB settings to restrict what she could see of my life so that it wouldn't jog her memory.

CodyKing Wed 28-Sep-16 19:35:13

Invite those you want there - don't feel guilty about those choices.

imnervous Wed 28-Sep-16 19:35:38

I was thinking the same as bloody, I think christenings are usually a small affair, unless she had a massive shindig?!

Foxysoxy01 Wed 28-Sep-16 19:35:59

Thanks for the replies.

I feel like I should invite her really as its only 2 extra adults and her child, she has known me for years and she has this way of making you feel bad and I know I would feel guilty, but a really petty part of me wants to wait for her to ask where her invite us and say something about her not bothering to invite me.

FoxesSitOnBoxes Wed 28-Sep-16 19:37:56

It doesn't sound like you really want her there and that's the point really. But if you don't invite her it'll send her a pretty strong signal.
I think it's pretty normal to have a period of losing touch with friends immediately after having a baby so I wouldn't take that personally and Christenings (in my view) are about God Parents and close relatives and the congregation of the church that the baby is being welcomed into rather that inviting loads of friends.
So, yes, do whatever you want to but I wouldn't base it on her post baby contact and be prepared for the relationship to be soured if you don't invite her to your wedding

thecatsclinkers Wed 28-Sep-16 19:40:14

Do not invite her!!!!!

Foxysoxy01 Wed 28-Sep-16 19:41:42

I didn't really know christenings were not big things, that does change things a bit.

Although she did have quite a few of her other friends leaving posts of FB about how great it was and what a nice time they all had so maybe she had a party afterwards which actually makes me feel even worse to be honest.

ChuckBiscuits Wed 28-Sep-16 19:42:31

Do you actually want her there?

Foxysoxy01 Wed 28-Sep-16 19:44:32

I'm not really sure I do.....

I just feel really bad if I don't but I'm pretty sure she will make some kind of comment that sounds perfectly alright but has an undertone of bitchiness.

QuiteLikely5 Wed 28-Sep-16 19:46:18


That lady ain't your friend! Wake up.....

She treats you like an option, not a priority and more like a casual acquaintance!

Go ahead and invite her but don't get upset when your back on the scrap heap afterwards

snakesalive Wed 28-Sep-16 19:48:15

Sounds like you want to drop the friendship...totally your call to do so

Jizzomelette Wed 28-Sep-16 19:51:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohtheholidays Wed 28-Sep-16 19:56:20

Don't invite her!

Your wedding day is very special and it should be shared with people you love and who love you/your DP.

My Mum insisted I invited some people to my wedding and she regretted it straight after the wedding(they were arseholes)and I should have said No.

Do you really want to look back at your lovely wedding photos in years to come and there's someone in those pictures that you no longer have contact with and wished you hadn't invited?

maddiemookins16mum Wed 28-Sep-16 19:59:09

I wouldn't, deep down I don't think you like her that much to be honest. You're different people now and that's ok.

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace Wed 28-Sep-16 20:03:15

Lovey, she's not a friend.

You don't speak to her. You don't see her. You don't really know anything about her life nowadays apart from what she puts on FB - and vice versa.

The only reason you're hesitating about NOT inviting her to your wedding, is because you'll feel guilty!

Don't invite her - and if she gets in touch wanting to know why, then explain that you don't see much of each other these days, that she didn't invite you to her son's christening so you didn't feel that you were very close these days. Then leave it at that. You don't need to feel bad and you don't need to worry about her - some friendships eke out and sometimes you outgrow people.

origamiwarrior Wed 28-Sep-16 20:03:38

It was not uncommon to not hear from her for 6 months then get a text or message on Facebook saying we hadn't seen each other for ages and needed a catch up and when should we meet

This was fine and I met her if I wasn't busy but didn't push the relationship at all and left it up to her to make the first move

Er, it sounds to me like she is trying to be a good friend - you've said above she is always the one who makes all the moves to keep your relationship going!

Anyway, you obviously don't like her so don't invite her!

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