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Communal food

(36 Posts)
OhMrsQ Tue 27-Sep-16 17:58:00

So, I have this group of friends. When we go camping for the weekend, one of the girls (J) always sends out a group text about 'meal combining'. She will say hey lets all combine food, and then say she is bringing something like homemade pickled goods and artichokes (this was last time). The other ladies jump on this.

I hate this. I'm the sole vegetarian, and I like to bring my own food. Which others then like the look of and take some. I can't share any of theirs as its usually meat (and the fecking pickles).

I would like to add the reason this makes me so grumpy is that J had 2 couples over to hers for the long weekend in May. She charged everyone $20 each for food for Saturday dinner, and for the sandwiches on Sunday. I had to bring my own veggie option. The others all got some rubbed beef(?) or something like that.

I don't get it. When I have people over for dinner, I don't charge them!!

But we are all going away again in 2 weeks, and I bet this message comes up again. I want to say no, my boyfriend thinks its rude.

Please, what is the best reply? All I want to bring to be honest is some veggie burgers and a shitload of prossecco. and not share. turns out I can't spell Prosecco. Proseco? anyway.

OhMrsQ Tue 27-Sep-16 17:59:11

I mean I want to say no to the meal sharing, but my boyfriend thinks I would be being rude.

lastqueenofscotland Tue 27-Sep-16 18:02:48

I'm a veggie and when we did this as a group I asked everyone for £20 and just went and bought EVERYTHING meat/veggie/beer
So much easier

JeSuisUnChocoholic Tue 27-Sep-16 18:08:41

Why is she charging people for food? If you invite someone, you pay for their meal. I'm veggie and wouldn't mind sharing food as long as it doesn't have meat, gelatine etc.
But it's your decision so YANBU

OhMrsQ Tue 27-Sep-16 18:12:44

Exactly! I have friends over for dinner once a week. I don't charge them!

I would do the $20 each (sorry, no pound key on my keyboard!) and buy everything but I'm so grumpy about paying to go to someone's house for dinner I just don't want to. Plus we have a gluten-free, an organic special meat person, and all sorts and I don't know I'd be buying the right thing.

YelloDraw Tue 27-Sep-16 18:12:56

Just say "thanks but I'm going to do my own veggie thing and sit of the communal food, thanks anyway loves"

venusinscorpio Tue 27-Sep-16 18:14:55

Exactly what Yello said. I'd just say (and have) that I wanted to opt out, as a veggie, and would sort my own out. It's never particularly fair unless they provide loads of veggie dishes as you don't get much to eat and they eat yours.

OhMrsQ Tue 27-Sep-16 18:14:56

Yello that is exactly what I want to say. I just don't want to sound rude. Doesn't sound rude does it?

OhMrsQ Tue 27-Sep-16 18:17:27

They don't, venus.
I used to make kick-ass salads and halloumi and roasted veggie kebabs, which they wanted to try ('what is Halloumi?' etc). Unfortunately when I made them again, the meat eaters wanted some and I was left with a kebab and some salad.
Maybe I'll make dessert of some sort as my contribution and they can leave my nice stuff alone.

venusinscorpio Tue 27-Sep-16 18:18:03

Just be assertive. It might sound awkward but I don't see it as rude. I see it as a bit thoughtless of your needs expecting to do otherwise. That is also rude.

somekindofmother Tue 27-Sep-16 18:21:24

it's not rude. just say 'I'll sit out this time, I'll just grab myself some veggie burgers or something, can't wait to see you xx'

MrsHulk Tue 27-Sep-16 18:27:04

It's not rude, just say you're going to bring your own veggie food. If anybody then wants to try it, just say politely "sorry, I only brought enough for myself". Also veggie and used to have this problem all the time till I got assertive about it. Nobody's ever complained or seemed offended!

YelloDraw Tue 27-Sep-16 18:29:33

Doesn't sound rude does it?

Nope! Just go for it. As long as you aren't awkward about it then they have no reason to be.

ConvincingLiar Tue 27-Sep-16 18:31:46

"Hi girls, it's easier if I just bring my own so I won't bother with the kitty." A shareable pudding sounds sociable.

DoreenLethal Tue 27-Sep-16 18:32:16

'That doesn't work for me, will bring my own. Can't wait to see everyone. x'

OhMrsQ Tue 27-Sep-16 18:32:35

Ok. Lesson for Tuesday.. Learn assertiveness!

Its the same with beer. I take prosecco, which I am now sure I'm spelling right but spellcheck seems to think not. We fill a cooler with beer, and then two of the guys who never bring enough start dipping into our cooler. My boyfriend said its nice to share. We are the poorest out of the group! At least I've steered him towards cheap cans of PBR instead of the good stuff!

OhMrsQ Tue 27-Sep-16 18:33:16

I will bring dessert though. That, I will happily share!

venusinscorpio Tue 27-Sep-16 18:33:26

Yes. Agree maybe also take a pudding to share one day to show willing, but definitely opt out of the kitty.

OhMrsQ Tue 27-Sep-16 18:33:58

Next question....

What shall I make?!

ConvincingLiar Fri 30-Sep-16 06:42:43

Might be too late but I assume you want to keep your cooler for booze? How about chocolate brownies? They're pretty hardy.

ConvincingLiar Fri 30-Sep-16 06:44:56

This is my go to recipe for brownies. They are delicious.

OhMrsQ Fri 30-Sep-16 17:03:35

thank you! Its not too late, its next weekend smile

I will make those next week. Thanks!

ConvincingLiar Sat 01-Oct-16 08:01:56

If you're feeling fancy maybe some nuts or cherries (in kirsch?) could be added? Or amaretto?

Hope you have a great weekend.

BikeRunSki Sat 01-Oct-16 08:15:07

OhMrsQ I am often the lone veggie and I so agree with you!!!! I think opting out of the kitty is the thing to do, otherwise you'll just feel disappointed and ripped off.

Are those James Martin brownies gluten-free if you're going to share them?

TheMidnightHour Sat 01-Oct-16 08:23:35

I'm regularly the lone veggie and if it's a regular thing I eventually kick off (or get DP to) and say I'll only contribute if half the food is veggie (or at least one other person brings veggie food or whatever proportion makes it sound like I might get to eat a reasonable meal!) It comes up all the bloody time with meals out and sharing platters and splitting the bill... I really don't understand why people want a kitty or share plate when they're not willing to actually meet the needs of the whole group.

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