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Not invited to friend's wedding. What to do?

(434 Posts)
backtothegrindstone Tue 27-Sep-16 15:30:30

An old friend has not invited me to their wedding and I'm feeling upset. We were flat mates at uni and whilst we're not close enough to call each other all the time, 18 years later we still see each other from time to time. She came to my wedding 6 years ago, and also to both my kids christenings and we have occasional play dates with our kids and they go to each others birthday parties. I know her fiancée well enough too. I was really surprised not to be invited to her wedding but have been biding my time in case a late invite comes through. The wedding is this weekend and nothing has arrived. It's not your conventional wedding- more if a creative, festival/woodland type thing so I can't imagine numbers are heavily limited and another friend who i'd have considered less close to them has been invited. Frankly, I'm really quite upset, especially as she's posting about it on Facebook every ten minutes. I know it's not good form to say anything right now and spoil her wedding, but at some point after I would like her to understand that I am upset about it. I'm not good at confrontation and o don't think I could approach her face to face or on the phone but at the very least I'd really like to make a quite pointed dig when commenting on her Facebook photos when the wedding pics go up. Im quite sure that if I'm not invited to her wedding then clearly the friendship doesn't mean enough to her to be worth continuing with so I then intend to unfriendly her and be done with the friendship for ever. But what's a good thing to say?

Ideas for a really good comment please!!!

backtothegrindstone Tue 27-Sep-16 15:33:51

Excuse the typos. Really need to learn to proofread!

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Tue 27-Sep-16 15:35:01

It's just a wedding. No biggie.

Don't chuck a friendship away over it.

TanteRose Tue 27-Sep-16 15:35:42

You say "Congratulations".

NoFuchsGiven Tue 27-Sep-16 15:35:45

Don't you sound nice.

ScarletSahara Tue 27-Sep-16 15:36:14

Wait to see from photos if it was a huge wedding with lots invited. Wish her luck, maybe commenting on one of her posts, and do something lovely at the weekend.

Scholes34 Tue 27-Sep-16 15:36:54

What are you hoping to achieve by saying something pointed?

Piffpaffpoff Tue 27-Sep-16 15:37:12

I think you just need to take the high road, wish her a happy day and then maybe unfriend/hide her if you don't want to see any more pics. Nothing good can come of making a barbed comment on FB.

dlwelly Tue 27-Sep-16 15:37:22

Just leave it. You can unfollow her so you don't see anything she posts if it's going to wind you up like this.

WhisperingLoudly Tue 27-Sep-16 15:37:43

Have you not seen her since the wedding was announced? And she hasn't mentioned it? Is there a possibility that your invite has been lost?

Even so I'm not sure there's anything you can say other than text/message he and say something along lines of:

Delighted to hear the fantastic news of your marriage, I hope you have a wonderful wedding day, wish you all the best"

If the lack of invite was unintentional she'll say she's sorry you can't join them and if it was intentional maybe she'll offer an explanation.

ScarletSahara Tue 27-Sep-16 15:38:15

'Don't you sound nice'.

Oh ffs

elodie2000 Tue 27-Sep-16 15:38:26

It's a bit odd. Does she mention the wedding when you talk to her or see her face to face?

MidnightAura Tue 27-Sep-16 15:38:48

I wouldn't make a pointed "dig" on Facebook. You will just come across as bitter.

Iif you are unhappy about it, talk to her. Don't be passive aggressive

ConvincingLiar Tue 27-Sep-16 15:38:55

Don't be a cow about it. If you're so hurt you can't bear to be friends any longer then just don't arrange to see her again.

Queenbean Tue 27-Sep-16 15:39:14

I wouldn't say anything pointed, it will make you look worse

If you really have to, a "good luck this weekend, have a fab time" at least gets it on her radar that you know. She might then respond and say "thank you, really sorry we couldn't invite you, now I've joined this cult we could only have those people hence our hippy wedding and no friends or family were invited". Or similar.

2014newme Tue 27-Sep-16 15:39:29

Could the invitation be lost without route? Could you private message " I heard it's your wedding this weekend, congratulations, have a wonderful time "
Then she may say, what did you not get invite?

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Tue 27-Sep-16 15:39:48

You must have more attachment to the friendship than her by the sounds of it. I would be of the same mind as you and unfriend her.

Excitedforxmas Tue 27-Sep-16 15:40:28

I would wish her good luck for the wedding and see what she says

Sparkletastic Tue 27-Sep-16 15:41:31

Sounds odd that you haven't been invited. Do you share any mutual friends who could tactfully check with her that your invite hasn't been lost? If you want to do the FB thing you could say something like 'Have a fabulous wedding day - wish we could have been there to celebrate with you'. To others that will sound like you couldn't make it.

Shiftymake Tue 27-Sep-16 15:42:13

Just congratulate them on one of her pictures and some plans for your family.

SallyMcgally Tue 27-Sep-16 15:42:46

Wait and see what kind of wedding it is. We had a really small wedding and I know some people were upset not to be invited, but I only invited my two closest friends and family, as did my husband. We were only about 30. I only did that because in fact I'd have eloped and done it with nobody at all if I hadn't known how upset my parents would be.
Maybe it's the same for your friend - she just wants it really really quiet?
In any case, weddings mean different things to different people. She may really not have thought that anyone would mind too much about her wedding.

backtothegrindstone Tue 27-Sep-16 15:45:36

I think that was what I had in mind - something that doesn't sound bitchy (exactly) but gets the point across that I expected an invite and was surprised not to get one. I'm just beginning to feel like I've been putting a lot more into the friendship than she has and I'm cross as I cared about her and clearly she didn't feel the same.

londonrach Tue 27-Sep-16 15:45:50

Just say congratulations. Nothing else needed. She doesnt have to invite you.

Waltermittythesequel Tue 27-Sep-16 15:46:08

It sounds really odd that you're not invited.

Are you sure it's not a misunderstanding?

lb364 Tue 27-Sep-16 15:46:19

As pp has suggested perhaps the invite was lost/forgotten. I'm trying to plan my wedding and have become the most forgetful person going! Just send her a message wishing her well for the big day and see what response you get (if any) then take it from there.

If there's no explanation and you can't get over it, move on - no point in public FB posts that do nothing but make entertainment for people outside of the situation...

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