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To be upset?

(38 Posts)
Pawprintz Tue 27-Sep-16 05:56:23

I am a member of a group.

We meet every month.

Last week, the organiser announced that the next meeting will be devoted to the launch of one member's personal product. This would include the member selling the product.

I politely asked whether the launch should take place outside the normal meeting as then it wouldn't use up time usually spent on the activities the group engages in.

The organiser has accused me of being "unsupportive" of this member's efforts. Apparently, the member has left the group because she is so upset.

The organiser says that it is "her" group and she dictates the format.

She threw me out of the group. I apologised to her and the member who left and she has left me have "one last chance".

The reaction of both these women has stunned and upset me - I honestly thought my suggestion was reasonable.

All this discussion took place on FB and Messenger.

I feel so upset and wish I hadn't said anything...

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Tue 27-Sep-16 06:00:58

What is the group? What is the product?

HallowedMimic Tue 27-Sep-16 06:00:59

What sort of group is it?

Pawprintz Tue 27-Sep-16 06:02:45

Sorry, I was being vague.

It's a writers group.

Product is book.

phillipp Tue 27-Sep-16 06:04:20

How did you word it?

It seems a complete over reaction, possibly your 'polite' questioning didn't come across that way?

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Tue 27-Sep-16 06:05:47

I'm that case I think it's fine I think. I assume she feels the group helped her to write or edit her book or helped her hone her writing skills etc. It's a good opportunity to ask her questions, discuss her writing method etc etc

I think just put it behind you and move on, don't worry about wishing you'd never said anything, just forget the whole thing smile

WheresLarry Tue 27-Sep-16 06:05:49

To me it depends if it is a free to join group or not. If you have not had to pay to join then I think you are slightly unreasonable in the sense that you are not losing any money by the change. Saying that, I understand it would be annoying if you enjoy the activity and you aren't getting to use the time in a way you see as more enjoyable.

Bagina Tue 27-Sep-16 06:08:05

It's hard to tell as I don't know what the group normally does; but isn't a fellow member's book something to celebrate and learn from? Or would it mean that you were missing out on other more specific learning, like writing skills etc?

Pawprintz Tue 27-Sep-16 06:09:46

At the time, I meant to be polite but it's easy to come across wrong on social media.

I think it was an over reaction, but perhaps I heard the book lady's feelings. I did send her a sincere apology.

HallowedMimic Tue 27-Sep-16 06:12:06

I book the person has written? That's a bit more than a 'personal product' ! I must admit, I assumed a prramid-selling type thing.

Surely a person's book should be something that gets a meeting devoted to it!?

ohlittlepea Tue 27-Sep-16 06:13:33

I thought you were going to say they were going to sell herbalife or arbonne or something! I think the way they reacted to your question was ott, but surely it would be nice to support the lady who has had some writing success it's very relevant to the group

Pawprintz Tue 27-Sep-16 06:14:39

I just thought it would be better if the launch took place separately.

I didn't mean to upset anyone, but I obviously did.

I think it was a bit mean of the organiser to throw me out of the group.

Pawprintz Tue 27-Sep-16 06:16:22

Hurt not heard.

Yes, I think I was unreasonable.

This lady does try to sell her books at the meetings. She's written a few.

HallowedMimic Tue 27-Sep-16 06:16:56

I'd have thought a writers group should encourage and support.

I imagine you came across as petty, jealous, and about as unsupportive as it is possible to be.

Pawprintz Tue 27-Sep-16 06:19:05

I'm not jealous... I've had books published too, but I wouldn't try to sell them at the writers group.

steff13 Tue 27-Sep-16 06:19:11

What sort of activities do you usually do?

I think devoting a meeting to discuss a book a member has written is perfectly reasonable.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual Tue 27-Sep-16 06:19:22

I can see why your comments, polite as they were, came across as unsupportive.

However I think immediately throwing you out of the group was rude and OTT.

Pawprintz Tue 27-Sep-16 06:19:57

We normally read out our poems etc.

phillipp Tue 27-Sep-16 06:22:58

Surely a person's book should* be something that gets a meeting devoted to it!?*

I agree with this.

Op the other woman left the group because she was offended.

Either both totally over reacted or the way you asked wasn't great.

It's impossible to tell.

Maybe they are both drama queens. maybe the writer is a drama queen. Maybe organiser is at the end of her tether with people questioning the group that she bothers to organise. Does anyone help her organise it or just criticise what she does?

steff13 Tue 27-Sep-16 06:23:48

It does seem a bit of a knee-jerk reaction to kick you out of the group, but maybe your request didn't sound as polite as you imagined? Or, have there been other issues in the past?

Pawprintz Tue 27-Sep-16 06:24:30

Hmm - seems I am unreasonable.

Oh, well - at least I apologised.

Lesson learned.

I probably won't go back to the group - can't face the accusing glares I imagine I will get...

Pawprintz Tue 27-Sep-16 06:25:38

I think I must have sounded rude without meaning to.

Eek

steff13 Tue 27-Sep-16 06:25:52

Maybe organiser is at the end of her tether with people questioning the group that she bothers to organise. Does anyone help her organise it or just criticise what she does?

This is an excellent point. I used to have to organize holiday parties at work, morale boosters, you know. Everyone had an opinion on what I was doing wrong, but no one lifted a finger to help. It's very frustrating.

Pawprintz Tue 27-Sep-16 06:29:38

We all help out as much as we can.

phillipp Tue 27-Sep-16 06:34:52

We all help out as much as we can.

what does that mean?

I help at my hobby as much as I can. Unfortunately that means I help very little. I don't have time to help out a lot. I don't then complain about how events are set up.

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