My grandson in danger of exclusion for biting

(4 Posts)
Angiemm2016 Mon 26-Sep-16 22:56:46

My grandson is in danger of being excluded for biting other children. His mum is a single parent who works hard to support him and is doing her very best to be a good mum. Although my son and she are no longer together, he does his best to support her and they are good friends - it was a teenage relationship and he is still in uni and she is now in another relationship. We have our grandson every weekend and he is a lovely boy and well behaved - although prone to the odd tantrum. The head has told her that he'd rather lose one child (our gs) than risk losing four pupil premiums which I feel is a very unhelpful thing to say - shouldn't he be seeking the help of other agencies and supporting our gs rather than threatening to expel? Any advice would be great as we're all worried sick - thanks

GiddyOnZackHunt Mon 26-Sep-16 22:59:20

smile for the new thread
Has she spoken to the Health Visitor or GP for advice?

bumsexatthebingo Mon 26-Sep-16 23:12:21

How old is he? What have the school done to address the behaviour/your gs's needs so far?

KarmaNoMore Mon 26-Sep-16 23:52:19

Hmm... Difficult one, but if it helps you to understand the issue, so you can take a stronger stance in stopping the bitting, here's how things look like from the point of view of the victims:

The single mother thing is a red herring. With 50% of the marriages ending in divorce, you can imagine that a similar proportion of children are raised by separated parents, so please don't add to the damaging stereotype that children of separated parents are expected to have behavioural problems someway.

My child was the victim of a relentless bitter for years. The nursery told me for YEARS that it was a phase, that the other kid parents were trying hard, that he was a nice child who sometimes lost control of himself and was so quick they couldn't stop him before he could take a bite off my son. All that was all nice to say about the other kid, but no one was protecting my child.

I didn't understand how upsetting it was for my child to be bitten until I saw him all distressed, in pain and with a ring or blood where the other child had bit him a couple of minutes before I arrived.

It got sorted, but you are not going to like to hear how it did... After seeing my child in so much pain and knowing no one was doing anything effective to protect him, I told my son that if the kid bit him again, he had to bite him back hard and not let go of him until the other kid let go first. Of course that this was not the best way to be sorted and of course they called me to school after he bit him back, but you know what? a single big bite back ended up the problem that teachers and parents were unable to solve in years. The kid learnt the level of pain he was inflicting on other kids and he certainly never attacked my son, or other kids, again.

I think your school is great in trying to protect the victims. And I'm glad their mothers are not feeling forced to tell their children to fight back yet as I did. But your grandchild needs to understand that his actions are unacceptable especially when he is no longer a toddler.

Being of school age, he has the reasoning skills to understand the pain he is causing to other children. The amount of damage he can do with a full set of teeth is quite considerable, people will tell you otherwise, but all their sympathy would wear off if they see the distress this could cause in their own children, especially when it is a regular occurrence.

So my suggestion is not to play down the bitting, deal with it. You can bring the behaviour to an end before he gets expelled.

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