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to ask for advice in the bedroom

(13 Posts)
twigletsareyum Mon 26-Sep-16 14:41:04

-nc due to embrassment but a regular-

DH and I have been together 13 years, married 4, child aged 2.

Even now, I am not very confident at all in the bedroom. Never have been. I try to make the effort to give out signals/come onto DH but fail miserably quite often.

"I'm heading to bed, do you fancy an early night" is my usual line and it usually is too early or something. When I do get us both in bed, Im usually far too tired.

I have no... wooing power... and it all culminated on Friday night when during a blazing row my husband told me I am shit at foreplay and want to just dive straight in. That night, asking him to come to bed early, all I wanted was a cuddle. Nothing more.

So, where can I get advice?

Mylittlelights Mon 26-Sep-16 14:44:04

Are you using the line "go to bed early" as an indicator you want sex and also because you do really want just an early night to sleep?

Justwanttoweeinpeace Mon 26-Sep-16 14:46:04

Which bit makes you embarrassed? Saying the words or using the words at all?

My DH would not dream of uttering a single sex type word out loud. He's quite good on whatsapp though.

Worth a try?

Justwanttoweeinpeace Mon 26-Sep-16 14:47:52

But I get what you mean about 'wooing power'. The idea of come hither eyes or anything like that makes me fall about laughing. I'm rubbish at that too.

I can't buy valentines cards either, it's just cringe isn't it? Doesn't mean you don't feel it though.

BlancheBlue Mon 26-Sep-16 14:47:59

I think some men prefer the "direct" approach and are crap at picking up signals. "I really feel like having sex" or similar. Do you think this could work?

Don't take it to hard stuff said about sex in a blazing row - it's an easy area to be cruel about without really meaning it. But yes, tell him this made you upset and needs to make it up to you.

Is everything else okay in general with relationship?

Iambubbles86 Mon 26-Sep-16 14:48:02

I'm not quite sure what your asking but if I want my husband to know um in the mood I usually cuddle up to him and gently stroke his leg and nuzzle his neck, or I offer a foot rub which gradually gets higher, or I dress up in a going out dress for dinner except I make dinner at home so he jniws the dress is just for him ..... Oh god I sound like a 50s housewife grin but it does the trick

Tbh though its a mean thing for him to say to u, does he have any foreplay skills he uses for u because mine also does similar things for me to let me know he's in the mood and he very nice about it it if not then he makes it clear that that's totally fine

NoFuchsGiven Mon 26-Sep-16 14:49:52

I'm heading to bed, do you fancy an early night" is my usual line

That night, asking him to come to bed early, all I wanted was a cuddle. Nothing more.

They are two very conflicting statements. Maybe you need to be more direct with what you actually want.

I am probably not much use on these kind of threads as if I want to have sex I will say I want to have sex Dp would too.

gamerchick Mon 26-Sep-16 14:56:59

I just tell him to get his kit off. No fannying on in this house.

You do seem to be giving mixed signals though. You also don't need a bed, the settees just as good.

However if my husband said I was shit at something in the bedroom it would be a while before he got anything again. It sounds as if you're both bad at communicating your needs.

Maybe a glass of wine and a heart to heart?

twigletsareyum Mon 26-Sep-16 15:02:00

Justwanttoweeinpeace We could write a blue novel via text but saying it - I just cant and he isnt that way either.

BlancheBlue We are struggling at the moment - External factors impacting our relationship.

Iambubbles86 No, no signals as such. I will often say does he fancy jumping in the bath with me (This used to be our signal pre child) but this often gets a no now. I've also tried the preening, nice nighty/perfume and it falls to the wayside most of the time.

Its probably been at least 4 weeks since we dtd. And I must say, most of the time, if we engage in foreplay, I do want it to go all of he way. He says he doesnt always want to have sex.

Blueskyrain Mon 26-Sep-16 15:42:46

I find a direct approach, leading him into the bedroom, straddling him, or just being pointedly affectionate (rather than just nice affectionate), get the message across quite well.

Justwanttoweeinpeace Mon 26-Sep-16 15:42:48

Right then. I'd get the foreplay started on text if I were you.

Enjoy! grin

twigletsareyum Mon 26-Sep-16 16:14:08

It's his first day back at work today after 2 weeks off. Cant see that going down well... no puns intended

CurlyMango Mon 26-Sep-16 19:54:31

we have fallen into the same sort of thing. Can't remember how....too tired....godness knows how longs it's been. Easier too diy but sad.

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