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To want to resign as a mother as I suck?

(4 Posts)
SpanishLady Mon 26-Sep-16 09:00:10

This may also belong in parenting but I tend to be on AIBU the most so bear with me.

I totally suck as a mother - too impatient, too emotional and I have no idea what I'm doing.

I have a 6 year old who we recently had assessed for Autism - he was determined to have a few soft pointers but not enough to be diagnosed as Autistic - they did however advise that for ease of communication/understanding ( with his school etc) we might want to say he is high functioning autistic.

He is a great kid but drives me mad. He rarely listens to what we say until we have repeated it about 10 times and yes got shouty - he simply does what he wants but is always sorry afterwards.

He doesn't get on with other kids easily - he generally wants to play with other children but only if they play what he wants, his way.

He has recently started hitting when angry - we talked about it and read a great little book about what hands are for (waving, cooking, getting ourselves dressed) but are definitely not for hitting.

He mentions a boy at school (K) who he often aye is 'naughty' and if they interact he is generally on the opposite side to my son ( an autobot to my son's transformer to use his language and frame of reference).

Today there was a class trip to a local park and parents were encouraged to go. My son was his usual self - separate from the group but not demonstratively so (but I notice), not 100% listening to me or the teacher etc.

On our way back to school he was walking a little way ahead of me and I saw my son hit K - I really told him off and made him apologise. My son was upset and quiet then told me that K had come up to him and told him he was having a birthday party but not inviting him.

I felt choked. I fucking hated K and my first thought was well we won't be inviting K to my son's party (mature hmm) I told my son that that was fine - we can't like everyone and we were busy that day anyway - but still no reason to hit.

I want to teach my son to call people out with bad manners but then walk away. Eg 'that was a horrible thing to say. Stop it' then walk off.

I did also say to K that it wasn't very nice or kind what he said and I'd thank him to stop being mean to my son otherwise I would speak to his parents - he said sorry.

I could have been worse but I just feel at 6 that my kid could be on a slippery slope to a lifetime to trouble managing relationships and I feel powerless to help him as I can't control myself.

Does anyone know how I feel and what the hell to do?!

ditzychick34 Mon 26-Sep-16 15:52:30

I can't help sorry, but I didn't want to read and run

twinkletoedelephant Mon 26-Sep-16 15:58:35

I know exactly how you feel I have twins boys one adhd one has autism. I feel like I spend most days fighting fires with a slightly damp flannel.
As for other. Kids it's heartbreaking when everyone but you child gets an invite :-(

It just takes one friend ds school have really gone full steam with social skills and lots of how to be a good friend role play.
My child with autism now has a friend at school and she wrote him a note. That says she's loves him more than pancakes.
I just listen to their worries and hug them when they are sad. And plan awesome days out on the birthday party day so they will have something to talk about when back at school...

Mrsemcgregor Mon 26-Sep-16 16:01:13

Your boy sounds similar to mine. He just started Juniors and it's becoming more obvious that he has socialising problems (a class mate will come up and say hi, DS will just look blankly and walk away) and I suspect he is beginning to notice he is different and that causes emotional outbursts.

The hitting K problem, I would suspect is because he didn't have the verbal communication skills to deal with the situation, but he had an emotional response and reacted in the only way he could think of. He is still young.

My parenting advice in this situation is to take a moment before reacting (easier said than done, I do understand). Make an effort to stop and count to 5 and then have an internal conversation with yourself. "What just happened, why did it happen, what shall I do" Then approach your DS. Obviously you still need to tell him it's unacceptable, but try also showing you understand that he had a problem and then guide him on how to handle it next time.

I am short tempered and have found taking a few beats before reacting to ask myself those questions really helps .

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