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AIBU to think that this mum WTU

(49 Posts)
4foxsake Sun 25-Sep-16 22:27:58

So this story was in our local paper on the weekend.

To cut a long story short, DC (7yo) got sent out of class for being disruptive. DC then thinks, sod this and does a bunk from school and walks home. On arriving home DM immediately phones the local press to express her outrage that her DC walked out of school without anyone noticing and then sits back and waits to see how long it takes the school to get in touch with her hmm.

Meanwhile, at the school the boys absence was noticed, the school locked down and an extensive search of the grounds undertaken. When it became obvious the DC was not on the premises, the headmaster drove to the DCs house to inform the parents, only to find DC and his DM smugly sat there waiting for him. From the time the boy arrived home to the time the headmaster arrived an hour had past.

Now I agree I would be concerned about the security measures at the school that allows a child to just wander out and I would certainly be having some stem words with the headmaster about it. BUT my sternest words would most definitely be aimed at my DC for doing something so stupid, irresponsible and dangerous. I certainly wouldn't have phoned the local press or just let the school descend into panic, disrupting the days of, not only the several teachers who were involved in the search but also the children who should have been being taught by those teachers. And all because one little boy took umbrage at being disciplined.

So AIBU to think that what this mum did was totally irresponsible...?

Weimaragi Sun 25-Sep-16 22:40:08

Nobody wants to have to call home and say "we lost your child" so there is protocol to follow first, she was being irresponsible and shifting the focus away from her childs behaviour.....makes me wonder though where was the child sent out of the class to? I would put money on the fact that something has made the child be disruptive, sending him out to a hallway is never going to solve anything...

Discobabe Sun 25-Sep-16 23:07:30

But if he could just walk out of school without anyone noticing what's to say a child who hasn't taken umbrage over being told off and just fancies going home because they're missing mummy won't just wander off? What if a 4/5 yo wanders out? It's unreasonable to expect a child to be more responsible than the adults looking after them.

WhateverWillBe Sun 25-Sep-16 23:07:49

I certainly wouldn't have phoned the local press or just let the school descend into panic, disrupting the days of, not only the several teachers who were involved in the search but also the children who should have been being taught by those teachers. And all because one little boy took umbrage at being disciplined

I disagree. No, I wouldn't personally call the press and I would give ds a massive, massive bollocking.

But yes, I definitely would sit back and wait to see how long it took the school to lose a child. Regardless of if the kid is naughty/does wrong, it doesn't change the fact that they shouldn't be able to get out at all. If they can, so could a 3 or 4 year old who might not be savvy enough to walk home without incident.

So too right, I'd bloody sit back and wait.

WhateverWillBe Sun 25-Sep-16 23:08:34

how long it took the school to realise they'd lost a child.

WhateverWillBe Sun 25-Sep-16 23:11:04

And tbh a damn good panic would probably do the school a world of good IMO and help make sure they shit themselves so much that it never happens again.

4foxsake Sun 25-Sep-16 23:38:48

I agree that's it's totally unacceptable that a child is able to walk off school grounds which is why I'd be having some stem words with the headmaster and possibly even the governers.

However, I also think it's unacceptable to disrupt an entire school just to 'teach them a lesson'. It's just common courtesy to phone the school to a) inform them that the child is safe b) find out exactly what happened and c) make my displeasure/anger known to the headmaster and to arrange a time to go in and (tear him a new one) talk to him to ensure something like this doesn't happen again.

I'd then give my DC a right rollicking and drag them back to school to apologise for their bad behaviour and the disruption he caused.

WhateverWillBe Sun 25-Sep-16 23:47:17

Curiosity would get the better of me.

The school have lost a kid. They've got failings there, BIG failings. I'd want to see just how far reaching that failing was, measured by how long it took them to notice.

Craftylittlething Mon 26-Sep-16 00:04:05

This happened at a school in fife- the bus was back at school before they realised they'd left a child at a safari park.

DixieWishbone Mon 26-Sep-16 00:15:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trafalgargal Mon 26-Sep-16 00:34:03

Isn't that why most (working) parents give the school a mobile number for contact Dixie ?

I'm not sure why you'd give the school a home number for contact if you knew you'd be at work Dixie, most people wouldn't consider that sensible.

GingerbreadLatteToGo Mon 26-Sep-16 00:38:42

I was at school post slate, pre wizzy automated whiteboards. No carpark/main gates, back fences simply to protect the neighbouring houses from kids climbing their trees, a few railings out the front to stop us running straight into the street after a ball, but gaps in them with no gates.. At 7 we walked to & from school by ourselves. I'm not sure how England has gone from that, to this, in less than 30 years?!

I'd have rung the school immediately - no one else needs to be further put out because my child did something he knows he's not allowed to.

Child would have got a complete bollocking.

No sad faces in the paper.

brasty Mon 26-Sep-16 00:48:29

Yes at 7 I could have just walked out of my school and walked home. Infants couldn't, but by the time you went to juniors, you could have. We all knew that we were not allowed to.
And the school obviously noticed the kid was missing. Of course you do a thorough search before informing the parent. So she was in the wrong.

MissKatieVictoria Mon 26-Sep-16 00:58:15

Both my primary school and high school you literally got locked in, felt like a prison, and not good if there's a fire with auto lock doors on timers!

ParanoidGynodroid Mon 26-Sep-16 01:01:52

Sounds as if some of you would have schools like prisons. How grim.
They realised the child was missing, spent time looking and then informed the bloody stupid parent.

I too am old enough to remember no proper gates and fences in school - anyone could wander in and out - and no one on playground duty, even for infants. No one disappeared or ran off. Mind you, back then when children misbehaved at school they were in big trouble with their parents; today, parents march in to complain about any sanction being taken against their child.

SatansLittleHelper2 Mon 26-Sep-16 01:40:35

I did the same when I was around that afe (( awful bullying by children and some staff tbh )) one day id been put on the wall for snapping at a group of kids who had taunted me all lunchtime.

So I walked out.

Didnt make the papers tho the head contacted the head of the new school I went on to attend (( which I loved and had no problems in )) and insinuated I was mentally disturbed hmm

dailyfailplagiarism Mon 26-Sep-16 02:02:14

Our school has only just been fenced. Before that it was all open. They only fenced it because of vandalism during holidays. Young kids walk themselves to and from school too.

Selfimproved Mon 26-Sep-16 02:09:15

If my 7 year old did that, he would be punished. My 7 year old knows not to leave school. I'd also be asking why he was put out of the classroom. I think most 7 year olds know this situation is wrong.
Can't believe posters saying they would 'sit back and wait'. I'd be looking at my kid, it's their behaviour that's wrong - I feel bad for the school.

CanadianJohn Mon 26-Sep-16 02:30:44

As far as I can tell, at the local school there is nothing to prevent a child "escaping". The door are locked, but that's to prevent entry, not exit; there are crashbars on the doors. The playground is fenced, but the gates aren't locked.

It seems to me that the blame belongs to the kid, and his mother.

mummyto2monkeys Mon 26-Sep-16 02:39:30

I'm shocked this was able to happen, both schools my children have attended have high security. All exits are locked and alarmed if fire exit during lesson time and the front entrances havedouble doors that are locked and only accessible if a member of staff let's you in. The only times the doors are unlocked are before school, break time and lunch time. I do live in Scotland and security was really tightened up following Dunblane.

This happened when my dh was four, he hated school and after asking to go to the toilet, he let himself out of school and tried to walk home. He crossed several busy Manchester roads and was nearly home by the time the flustered head teacher arrived, just as his Mother pulled up. He had been gone a good twenty minutes and his parents were horrified and the school very apologetic.I mention this because in my eyes this should never have been able to happen, my husband walked out of school 34 years ago. Surely we should have become better advanced at ensuring the security of children in schools.

I don't blame this boys Mother for being angry but I would have contacted the school immediately, I also would have driven him immediately to school! I would be demanding to read their security policies and wanting to know what they would put in place to prevent it happening again.

My son is autistic, as a result he has many sensory issues, when these reach a peak his body goes into fight or flight mode. Our son veers towards flight, which means he is at risk of running away/ escaping. He requires a vigilant teacher who can recognise the easily identifiable signs that this is approaching, so that he can be redirected to sensory play/ dark sensory tent. We home educate our son and one of the main reasons was that we were concerned about his safety. Our son would enter school fifteen minutes early and a member of staff would accompany him to his sensory tent, so he could calm after an overwhelming morning and have quiet time before the noises of an open plan school and the resulting shouting and general sensory overload. His teacher would have been informed of his presence and would come to collect him to bring him to class just after the children had settled in the classroom. One morning the routine failed, he was accompanied to the tent and told to wait there until his teacher came for him. (Our son follows rules religiously, even if the fire alarm went off he would not leave that tent until his teacher collected him (he takes things very literally)). One morning the teacher never came to collect him, the member of staff never informed his teacher that he had arrived. Our son fell asleep, it wasn't until the bell went for break time and his teacher had let the other children out, that she noticed my sons bag outside the tent and upon checking found my son curled up inside the tent. She was shocked, saying she hadn't realised he was at school and she had marked him down as absent. So for two whole hours, our son was alone in school and they had no idea where he was! We bad not called in to say he was sick and they had not called to find out where he was (as per policy) Given that our son is autistic and that he cannot communicate pain/ illness (he uses pecs) we were absolutely horrified. We already felt that our son was being failed so we pulled him out and we have never regretted that decision. In fact the school has just failed its recent inspection for surprise not meeting the needs of the children in the school. I would be expecting a rethink on policy and full investigation into how it happened followed by risk assessments.

LikeDylanInTheMovies Mon 26-Sep-16 02:43:48

If I'd tried that stint, I'd have been hoiked back to school with a tanned arse for my troubles.

Shame on the local press for giving this ridiculous woman the time of day and running with this total minatory.

LikeDylanInTheMovies Mon 26-Sep-16 02:44:17

Minatory - non story.

RebootYourEngine Mon 26-Sep-16 05:06:56

This happened to a school near me. The child was 5 or 6. He hid at morning break and disappeared out of the grounds when everyone had gone in. His absence was noticed straight away because they do registration. However by the time that was done and the school was searched an hour or so had passed. Its a big school. His mother was contacted. Someone also contacted the school to let them know that they had found him.

The mother went nuts at the school. She blamed them rather than her son who hid and then snuck out.

In all of my years living here and thats a lot, there has never been an instant like it.

MoreCoffeeNow Mon 26-Sep-16 05:49:06

I'd have been too embarrassed about having such a badly behaved DC to contact the press.

Nokidslovesitethough Mon 26-Sep-16 05:57:35

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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