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DP locked me out of the house. AIBU to leave him?

(296 Posts)
Coffeeisnotmyfriend Sun 25-Sep-16 19:51:27

Last night DP and I were out celebrating his friend's birthday. Half way through the night some of the group including DP decided to go to a nearby bar while the rest of us stayed where we were.

When I got home at about 2, DP had locked me out by accident. He knew I had no keys but was so pissed he forgot.

Luckily I was able to call a friend, and ended up on the sofa for the night.

The next morning, the house was in darkness- DP didn't get up until about 11, by that point I and a neighbour were considering breaking down the door

His attitude was appalling imo. Anything could have happened to me but instead of being apologetic, he got angry and refused to speak to me until tea time, when he asked what was for dinner.

I am furious. This is the latest in a long line of things that have caused me to doubt our relationship.

He still goes out partying and drinking with the same friends he has known all his life. He drinks to the point where he cannot stand and wets himself. It's a big group and they are all marrying, getting engaged so lots of nights out. They are in their early 30s I am mid 20s

I try to talk to him about it but he gets angry and shuts off. He can't just have a couple of drinks, he has to get utterly fucked

I have to drive everywhere because I don't trust him to drive. I don't feel safe in the car with him.
Financially I think I am the higher earner but I don't actually know. He pays for the TV and half the rent. I pay everything else and the car is in my name. He always has plenty of money for things he wants though.

I do all the housework and most of the cooking. We have been living together for three years and he is yet to clean the bathroom

I would like to be more financially stable but he thinks there is no point buying a house when you can rent one. Though he is currently saving to go on am expensive gambling holiday.

Our sex life is shit, we've had sex once in two months, however he will go upstairs and masterbate loudly to porn.

I'm trying to think of good stuff, but now I have written down all of the above, it's hard to remember any. He used to be very romantic and thoughtful over gifts etc. We have had some fab holidays together.

The thing is, he is now saying he wants children. We are engaged but had decided to wait a good few years to marry and I still feel too young to have children.

Sorry that this is a long post, my friend is a regular member of mumsnet and she suggested I should post here

callycat1 Sun 25-Sep-16 19:52:11

If you've no children then walk

WhateverWillBe Sun 25-Sep-16 19:53:32

he got angry and refused to speak to me until tea time

Out of the blue? After discovering he locked you out? Why?

kurlique Sun 25-Sep-16 19:54:02

And here it is, my first LTB! He sounds awful and you deserve much much better.

KellyBoo800 Sun 25-Sep-16 19:54:18

Please don't have children with this man.

If he wants to be a father, he needs to prove to you he can cut out the drinking before you could even consider it.

That being said, this is bigger than just the drinking. You don't sound happy at all.

Crunchymum Sun 25-Sep-16 19:54:39

He is a cunt, you need to get rid. Now!!

HateSummer Sun 25-Sep-16 19:54:57

Masturbates loudly to porn? 😱😱😱

You should have left him a long time ago. What a disgusting pathetic excuse of a man. Run. Run and never look back.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 25-Sep-16 19:55:34

As callycat has said run for hills. He sounds awful!

RaspberryOverload Sun 25-Sep-16 19:56:06

Get rid, I doubt this will ever get better, and no child deserves a twat like this for a dad.

LagunaBubbles Sun 25-Sep-16 19:56:07

Well your relationship sounds awful to me, why on earth did he get angry when it was him that locked you out?!

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Sun 25-Sep-16 19:56:25

You are engaged to a man - child.
Please don't marry him.
Find a real man and enjoy an adult relationship -

Aeroflotgirl Sun 25-Sep-16 19:56:32

Don't bring kids into this!

BlackeyedSusan Sun 25-Sep-16 19:56:53

for goodness sake do not have children with him, and consider whether this is how you want to live? sounds like you are better off without.

SixtiesChildOfWildBlueSkies Sun 25-Sep-16 19:56:55

I can only simplify all the thoughts re this in my head by saying leave him. No one deserves an overgrown toddler that's not even nappy trained, because that's just how he's behaving.

There is nothing here for you. Leave. Get your own place. Get your own life back. You don't have children with him thankfully, so don't, just don't even think about it.

Life is fabulous - so go out and get some of it without him.x.

limon Sun 25-Sep-16 19:57:06

Run like the wind and don't look back.

Trumpity Sun 25-Sep-16 19:57:16

If he hasn't cleaned the bathroom once in 3 years, sure as shit he won't when you're married. If anything he'll get worse.

All the other stuff..... get rid.

ThymeLord Sun 25-Sep-16 19:57:18

Leave him. Don't waste the best years of your life trying to change this utter twat, just leave and start living your life.

Thatznotmyname Sun 25-Sep-16 19:57:54

Jesus! No! Run leave now while you have no mortgage and no commitments! He should have been beside himself to apologise to you! "What's for tea?". "unless it's your bollocks, I think i'd like your key!,"

EdmundCleverClogs Sun 25-Sep-16 19:58:15

Do you really love him? Do you see a good future with him? Do you enjoy the thought of being pregnant and raising children with him? Are you with him because you want to be and can genuinely see him changing/growing up, or because it's easier to stay with what you know than leave and start again?

Ultimately, you know the answer. You need make a choice that makes you happy.

TheBakeryQueen Sun 25-Sep-16 19:58:17

He has nothing to offer you worth keeping.
You are younger yet he is the immature one.
It'll only get worse, so just leave him to it. He is a loser.

Coffeeisnotmyfriend Sun 25-Sep-16 19:58:37

I don't know why he was angry, probably because I had a go at him and he gets defensive when I bring up stuff that he has done when he is drunk. He doesn't communicate well at all

We have no kids but I'm really worried at what breaking up will mean. I would have to leave the area because I am not from here though have lived here for years. My family live hours away while he is from a large close knit circle of family and friends. My job is a long commute away while his is five minutes away, but his feet are nailed to the ground and he won't move. No way could I stay here if we split up, it would be awful

He is a really nice guy in some ways, he can be very charming and is usually quite a happy, cheerful person.

BingBongBingBong Sun 25-Sep-16 19:58:51

Another 'run for the hills' here. Do not have children with him. I know he's your partner but he sounds like an immature twat.

ConvincingLiar Sun 25-Sep-16 19:58:52

Don't have children with him. This sounds like a terrible relationship. You deserve better.

HerFaceIsAMapOfTheWorld Sun 25-Sep-16 19:59:05

Our sex life is shit, we've had sex once in two months, however he will go upstairs and masterbate loudly to porn.

This would make me go alone let alone all the other stuff, you are worth more than this op and you do not deserve to be treated this way!!!!

ThatStewie Sun 25-Sep-16 19:59:23

This isn't a relationship. He is a selfish dickhead. Walk away now and never look back.

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