Showing my mum photos and suddenly realised why I'm so low in confidence

(331 Posts)
Luzylou Sun 25-Sep-16 18:23:21

My mum came yesterday and I started showing her holiday pics of our trip to New York. One particular photo was a selfie I took in Central Park, laying on the grass with the bright sun on my face. Now I know I'm no oil painting and due to my lack of confidence I don't take many selfies and if I do, I tend not to show anyone them. Anyway this particular pic I was quite proud of as I thought I looked pretty fresh faced for a change and it showed the tranquility of the park so I included it in the holiday pics. Anyway her immediate reaction was to squeal "oh yikes! That's awful! Haha was that after a night out by any chance?? You look half asleep! Hehe no sorry Lou, I don't like that one!". I awkwardly laughed it off but I was hurt actually as I thought it was a decent picture. Other people that have seen it liked it so the reaction shocked me and put me on a downer.

This isn't the first example of this though, she did it recently when I showed her a photo of me at work in uniform. I thought it was a decent picture yet her first reaction was "oh Lou! What an awful picture! You look really old!! Were you stressed that day by any chance?? Haha"

She's done it loads and used to do it when I was a kid as well. I once experimented with a new hairstyle as a teen and when I went to show her she burst out laughing and said "what on earth have you done to your hair! Looks like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards!".
My confidence has always been shit (no surprises there eh!) so examples like this just mortify me and make me not bother incase I get laughed at or in case people don't like it.

Aibu to be hurt about the holiday pic? She didn't need to say it was amazing but if she didn't like it, why say anything?? I'd never dream of ripping someone's pic to bits like that, even if I did think they looked rough!

Boundaries Sun 25-Sep-16 18:26:07

Good. You now know that your lack of confidence has fuck all to do with you, or how you look. It's your mum's issue. My mum has a similar issue.

Nod and smile, concentrate on feeling fabulous.

hownottofuckup Sun 25-Sep-16 18:26:20

She sounds like a bit of a cow tbh. I have heard that some mum's do so this, can't work out for the life of me why! What was her mum like?

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser Sun 25-Sep-16 18:26:59

How rude and mean of her! No wonder you have low confidence, growing up with that kind of attitude, it sounds really upsetting. I bet the pictures are completely fine too!

OhhBetty Sun 25-Sep-16 18:28:29

Yanbu at all. She sounds like a nasty bitch tbh! I would put money on it that she has confidence issues and puts others down to make herself feel better. Pop psychology but probably true.

I would ignore further comments and distance myself from her if I were you. flowers

wobblywonderwoman Sun 25-Sep-16 18:28:50

Mine is the exact same. On a recent birthday 'oh you've aged' and just to make sure she wrote in the card also.

She will never acknowledge anything good I have achieved but will harp on and on about a minor thing I have done wrong in the past.

I have pulled away from her and tell her very little. I also say things like I don't care, I've never been happier so she doesn't know she's got to me as then shed win sad

Look after yourself flowers

RunnyRattata Sun 25-Sep-16 18:29:06

She's putting you down because you have the thing she can't. You're so much yoinger than her and she sees you as competition. Is she geneally looks obsessed?

ShouldHaveBeenJess Sun 25-Sep-16 18:29:38

It's incredibly bloody rude and hurtful. How did you react? I don't like that she has previous form for this.

WinchesterWoman Sun 25-Sep-16 18:29:48

That's awfully hard to get over. It must be buried deep in your psyche. I wish I had words of advice but these things get burned into your neurons don't they. CBT is supposed to be good.

You say 'your no oil painting' but if your mums been like this all your life I bet you're gorgeous and just don't know it smile

RunnyRattata Sun 25-Sep-16 18:30:23

Or she could just be an utter cunt.

OhhBetty Sun 25-Sep-16 18:31:42

Yes to echo what a previous poster has said I bet you're gorgeous and she's just jealous!!

Boundaries Sun 25-Sep-16 18:32:35

There's always the option of saying "several people have said I look the spitting image of you in that one" but obviously it's better to not sink to her level grin

greenfolder Sun 25-Sep-16 18:32:40

Are we sisters?
My mum has never had one good thing to say about me in terms of looks ever. I know exactly why I have no confidence!

astronomical Sun 25-Sep-16 18:34:27

Her laughing at your hairstyle experimentation as a teenager is fucking horrible sad

So many parents are hypercritical of their own children (my mother goes too much the other way but I digress) it really isn't objective.

PoppyBirdOnAWire Sun 25-Sep-16 18:35:37

OP, be guided by what other people have said. You can trust them when they say the pic is a good one. Your mother is the one who has issues. Perhaps she needs to put you down in order to feel better about herself. To have done this to you when you were a child, is really horrible. To do it now is still horrible.
Start taking lots of selfies and talk yourself up in them all. Remember she is the one with zero confidence.

swampytiggaa Sun 25-Sep-16 18:37:34

I am so sorry to hear that your mom is so negative x I am sure that you are gorgeous and that she is jealous of your youth etc.

I have four daughters. I always tell them they look lovely. I also tell them I am proud of them. I can always find something genuine to praise them for and I do my utmost to promote a positive body image for them. My mom did it for me and I am supremely confident in myself blush which I have come to realise is incredibly rare.

I hope you can come to realise that she is the problem not you x stop sharing things with her but share them with friends who will be positive.

chiquita1 Sun 25-Sep-16 18:38:35

OMG, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes because the same just happened to me, I just came back from sevilla and sent my mother some pictures (we dont live in the same city) and she told me today how fat and flabby I looked and that my face is saggy, she even went as far as telling me I looked like a granny. Why would she do this? Where is the logic? Thank god I only see her twice a year since she lives in a different continent. I am attaching 2 of the pics I sent her not fishing for compliments so you can see how illogical and just plain nasty our mothers can be. My husband recently cheated on me and she went as far as to say that 'no wonder why'.

Luzylou Sun 25-Sep-16 18:39:54

I'm 35 and have the same hairstyle I had when I was 15. I avoid going out with the girls because I feel like I'm ugly and frumpy. I know I can't be hideous as a number of men in my life tend to "like" my pics and comment that I look pretty etc but I still look in a mirror and think "Christ, I look awful". She is very low in confidence herself and I know she's jealous of some of the things I do but she slags everyone off if she thinks they're doing well for themselves. But your own daughter?

She's always been really negative. A memory that sticks in my head was a school play I was when I was 11. It was bugsy malone so obviously we all got covered in "custard pies" at the end. I watched as all the other kids ran to their parents at the end and was greeted with "wow that was so good, well done! So funny!" Etc ... I got to my mum expecting the same and was greeted with "urgh! All that stuff it's everywhere! It's all in your hair! Oh god it's on your cardigan too, hope it comes off". I clearly remember feeling deflated just wanting to get home and get changed.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog Sun 25-Sep-16 18:41:10

Can you hit it on the head by saying, 'Oh fuck off?'. It's extreme but effective.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog Sun 25-Sep-16 18:42:05

chiquita You look amazing and your mum is toxic. flowers

OnlyHereForTheCamping Sun 25-Sep-16 18:42:44

Chiquita you are gorgeous, your mother is in glue

BifsWif Sun 25-Sep-16 18:43:25

Chiquita you look beautiful. Really, really beautiful. I have hair envy.

Your mother is either insanely jealous, or just insane.

eggsontoast07 Sun 25-Sep-16 18:43:40

Well I think you look just lovely chiquita. And I'd bet my pay OP does too.

Luzylou Sun 25-Sep-16 18:44:13

chiquita1 You are beautiful and your pics are lovely. And that's not paying lip service either, my first reaction when I saw them just then was "wish I looked like that". Your mother should be so proud of you. And saying you look like a granny is laughable!! You look really young!!

lucjam2105 Sun 25-Sep-16 18:44:34

Chiquita I'd gladly swap my body for yours! You look fab and I like your dresses too. Tell you mother to do one!

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