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Friends flirting with boyfriend

(10 Posts)
lostinspace45 Sun 25-Sep-16 16:24:12

I have 2 very dear friends who I've known for over 20 years and they've always been there for me, as I have for them. I'm really struggling with this...not sure if I'm being stupidly oversensitive so would appreciate advise.

I have been seeing someone for nearly 2 years now and last night one of my friends spent quite a while telling him why she like him so much, ending with a "awww give me a hug" and they hugged. Of course I want them to get on but it felt a bit too much and I saw his eyes light up - she's younger than me and very attractive. Her boyfriend was there too so I'm probably overreacting. However, in our 20s we both crossed the line with our then boyfriends but subsequently told each other and agreed we had been silly and young and our friendship has endured.

Now I'm thinking about my other friend who, on the second meeting with my bf at her house with a few others, ended up sitting on his lap (we were all a bit drunk). It bothered me at the time because I'd never do that to someone else's man, but for the sake of friendship I've never said anything. I know they'd never do anything more, but is this level of flirting acceptable?

I can't stop thinking about these 2 silly incidents, probably made worse by the fact I've put on some weight recently and am feeling pretty crap about myself. AIBU??? Give it to me straight...I feel like there are bigger problems in the world for goodness sake, but I can't shake this horrible anxious feeling.

Revenant Sun 25-Sep-16 16:28:51

Not acceptable, but your boyfriend should be shutting them down and not going along with it, not having " lit up" eyes and letting people sit on his lap! Does he know you're not ok with this?

Mrsemcgregor Sun 25-Sep-16 16:34:46

It's probably all innocent, but definitely not ok to flirt with a friends BF. You also sound a little insecure when you talk about her being younger and good looking. Try and give yourself a bit more love smile

Trifleorbust Sun 25-Sep-16 16:38:43

I wouldn't be happy at all with a friend sitting on my partner's lap. Very inappropriate.

LunaWeaselton Sun 25-Sep-16 16:39:11

Please don't put yourself down . Recent weight gain or not , you should not accept or keep quiet about something that hurts your feelings because she is more attractive . Maybe talk to your boyfriend about being inappropriate . To answer your question , YANBU.

lostinspace45 Sun 25-Sep-16 16:54:53

I do feel better knowing I'm not being over-sensitive. I'm really not a wimp and usually speak up if I'm not happy, weight or no weight, but I've never been good at knowing boundaries/recognising where I should speak up.

My "lap" friend had just gone through a nasty split with her husband so I think was feeling insecure and attention seeking. Probably why I didn't say anything.....having said that she has been an incredibly kind and supportive friend over the years and I can't imagine life without her.

I will speak to my bf about it though...he's always been flirty too so I've had to talk about this before (more social media stuff). I feel like I always have some kind of a gripe. I don't, but it feels that way sometimes.

LunaWeaselton Sun 25-Sep-16 17:12:56

I think I know what you mean about feeling like you always have something but if you know your problems are legitimate then don't feel bad .
My partner and I went through that and I felt that way for a bit .He cared enough to listen and acknowledge that although I'm sensitive , there were issues and we worked through them.

DiJiBiDi Sun 25-Sep-16 17:29:19

I understand how you feel, especially with as you said your feeling a bit insecure at the moment but I do think it's inappropriate behavior.

I would never sit on someone else's man's lap that's a bit too much but it's for your BF to shut it down and if you continue to feel this way just have a gentle conversation with your BF and let him know how all this makes you feel.

ToastDemon Sun 25-Sep-16 17:30:51

Oh good heavens you are not being oversensitive about the lap thing! Completely inappropriate.
It's a shame that you have a boyfriend and friends who are both so lacking in boundaries.

lostinspace45 Sun 25-Sep-16 17:38:56

God you've made me feel so much better...and justified for feeling weird about all this. The conversation will be had! Thank you. I need to write 100 lines "I will speak up AT THE TIME if I'm bothered by something" instead of festering and questioning myself. Going to try anyway! Why is it so bloody hard?

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