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To not let ds have this gift yet?

(22 Posts)
GettingScaredNow Sun 25-Sep-16 14:25:46

Ds turned 2 a couple weeks ago. He is a pretty standard 2 year old boy. Smashes, bangs everything. Climbs and stomps. Heavy handed etc.
He doesn't really talk yet.

STBXH got him an absolutely huge Thomas train set. It says 3+ but I opened it after DC were in bed and it's got mechanics elements, where the train goes up an incline. I spent ages putting it together and found it fiddly.
It also feels fairly flimsy. Ds will destroy it within minutes.

In comparison, and for reference, I got ds a very small track with an electronic ninky nonk and he finds it fun but only for about 30 seconds and then proceeds to take t all about and throw it around.

To my point: I haven't actually given ds the train set. I think it's too old for him.
STBXH asked during a hand over yesterday if ds liked his train set. I sort of mumbled about no time yet, waiting for Dd to be in school full time etc.
But I felt a bit like I'm BU as it is a gift from his dad, who knows his age and also knows he will destroy it.
So do I give it and let him destroy it?
Or keep it til he's older?

Disclaimer: this seems like a minor decision, but I've just broken out of a very abusive relationship with this man and find myself constantly having to check myself as I struggle to see what is/is not reasonable anymore.

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay Sun 25-Sep-16 14:29:14

YANBU at all. It's for age 3+. They don't put those details on for fun - it's likely he could choke on small parts etc.

I wouldn't be giving it to him until he was at least 3. Surprised your STBXH bought it for him.

MrsJoeyMaynard Sun 25-Sep-16 14:34:00

is it one of the Thomas Trackmaster sets?

We have one or two of those. My DC are older than yours (5 and just 3), and the set with the incline does tend to come apart often, even with a toddler who's not actively trying to pull it apart, and neither of them can really manage to put the trackmaster tracks together by themselves when it does come apart. They also tend to leave the battery powered trains running when they've finished playing, which obviously means having to replace the batteries more frequently than I'd like.

So if it's a trackmaster set, I'd agree it's probably best put to one side until your DS is a bit older.

IMO wooden railway sets with the wooden tracks are much better for a 2 yr old, as they're generally pretty robust and a lot easier for a small child to learn how to put it together themselves.

Bubblebloodypop Sun 25-Sep-16 14:34:31

I would let him play with it when you have time to closely supervise. If he is smashing it then put it away until he's ready. At least you can tell ex that you tried and not feel bad. I don't think you are being unreasonable though.

AmeliaJack Sun 25-Sep-16 14:35:27

My PILs are very generous and a bit impulsive and used to give our children all sorts of age inappropriate toys.

Some things I could put away until older, somethings just got trashed and if I felt peacekeeping was necessary I would allow them to play with the thing under heavy adult supervision and then put away.

GettingScaredNow Sun 25-Sep-16 14:45:54

Thanks for replies.

He doesn't read the box.
He also bought 4 yr old Dd a Lego set that says 8-12 on the box hmm

It's a 'take and play' so it folds up to be transported.

I may have over sold the fiddly-ness of it. It isn't that fiddly. But I am 31. And ds is 2. He has only just learnt how to do a 3 piece jigsaw puzzle. And that's cos I line the pieces up for him.

I will do the heavy supervision and then I can honestly say he has played with it.

Thanks. I feel better now. I get so tense about these things. Which then make me feel stupid for being so tense angry
I spent 4 sodding hours building that Lego set with Dd!

JustMarriedBecca Sun 25-Sep-16 14:49:48

I think it depends on the toy. We got a tin tea set that says 3+ on it for our daughter's first birthday. She isn't going to choke on a plate so we took the small teapot lid off and she's using it without the lid. It also depends on the child. She's 23 months now and doing 26 piece jigsaws which are supposed to be 3+ but she completes the others far too quickly and they don't keep her occupied for long enough.

As its almost Christmas, I'd mention that you're worried he's not playing with the toys his Dad has bought him and make some suggestions that are more appropriate.

VioletBam Sun 25-Sep-16 14:59:02

If he busts it he busts it OP. You didn't pay for it. Let him have a go with you helping him and then put it away as someone else said. He'll love it when he's 4 or 5 probably.

hettie Sun 25-Sep-16 15:37:59

At that age the only thing my two would have been capable of playing with would've been the Brio wooden stuff (or ikea knock off). Anything else would've been too fiddly. If you give him all the bits/track he'll soon loose interest as he won't be able to make it ( more chance of it remaining intact for when he's older)

Afreshstartplease Sun 25-Sep-16 15:42:52

Can he not keep it at his dads?

HolesInTheFloor Sun 25-Sep-16 15:45:17

The take and play Thomas sets are pretty crappy. They seem so badly made. My 4yo Ds struggles to put it together (and it never stays together) as the pieces don't seem to fully 'lock in'. They do seem to be pretty indestructible though.

DesignedForLife Sun 25-Sep-16 15:47:52

Do a session or two heavily supervised, take photo, the. Put it away. DD is two and I've had to confiscate books she's been given as she rips pages out sad

missnevermind Sun 25-Sep-16 17:25:38

If it's a take and play type send it with him when he goes to Dads and say DS wants them to play together with it. grin

butterfly990 Sun 25-Sep-16 18:46:23

Why don't you let him play with the train but not the inclined part of the track, or as others have suggested let him use it on a wooden track.

Then you can replace the train at a later date and use the set when he is old enough.

GettingScaredNow Sun 25-Sep-16 19:40:56

His dad lives in a flat share and is flat out refusing to take the DC there as its not clean/he saw a rat/doesn't know his flat mates well is an excellent excuse to only have them for an hour or 2 at a time and be a Disney dad
That's a whole other thread!

I did find it laughable that when we lived together this would have been STBXH's idea of a nightmare toy....

I'll break it out again this week during the school day and let ds have a play, then I can honestly say it has been played with when interrogated asked next time.
Thanks

MrsJoeyMaynard Sun 25-Sep-16 19:42:49

The Thomas take and play trains don't work well on standard wooden track, as the take and play track is narrower than standard wooden track (as produced by Brio, Bigjigs, IKEA etc)

MargaretCabbage Sun 25-Sep-16 19:47:12

My 20 month old DS loves the Take and Play engines and sets. The sets aren't the best quality but he hasn't managed to break anything yet despite lots of crashing and bashing going on, he mostly likes to push the engines up the inclines or through the tunnels and ignores the more fiddly bits.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 25-Sep-16 19:54:04

It's not laughable. I'd lay money on it being deliberate. You don't let him play; bad. You let him break it; bad. He eats a piece; bad. You supervise and hover and make it with him and worry; win for abusive ex.

crispandcheesesanwichplease Sun 25-Sep-16 20:33:23

It's for age 3+ so not suitable. As earlier posters have said - small parts are choking hazards. The only thing I think you can do is let him play with just the train, as long as it has no small or easily removable parts.

My child is at secondary school now but it used to drive me crackers when people bought inappropriate stuff for her when she was younger.

I think sometimes people buy what they want rather than what might be suitable for the child. I never bought my child a toy post office and a cash register just because I'd hankered after them as a child myself!

GettingScaredNow Sun 25-Sep-16 21:32:22

MrsTP - 100%. That's exactly why I said it's laughable. I guess from my position at the moment where I'm starting to see the games and ploys and tactics I find it mildly amusing.

It looks like a great enjoyable toy for a 3-4 yr old. My Dd is desperate to play with it!

Like I said up thread, he bought Dd a Lego set for 8yrs old. She's 4. So he does just buy whatever he wants instead of taking into consideration the needs of the child and the upset that follows a toy that they can't actually play with.

Anyway, will build it this week for him and see what happens.

GettingScaredNow Mon 26-Sep-16 13:57:25

As recommended I got it out today and let ds play with it.

To be fair, he's had quite a bit of fun dissembling it and playing with the random pieces of track.
But there is 100% no way he can actually 'play' with it the way it designed to be played with.
He doesn't have the comprehension or the dexterity.

Now I have to find space to store the sodding thing for at least a year!

londonrach Mon 26-Sep-16 14:05:41

Get it out today, take photo, send photo to him, put it away or let ds take it to daddys flat to play with

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