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Or is DH? I really can't tell

(78 Posts)
LemonySmithit Sun 25-Sep-16 07:44:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 25-Sep-16 07:46:03

I wouldn't like it if DH spent a week alone with someone who had declared her love for him. So I think YABU.

Longlost10 Sun 25-Sep-16 07:46:40

you are being u. Your friend has crossed a line, and is no longer "just a friend", and no, you can't expect your husband to agree to you spending time with him.

LittleBearPad Sun 25-Sep-16 07:47:07


hesterton Sun 25-Sep-16 07:48:00

It isn't fair on your dh.

SouthWindsWesterly Sun 25-Sep-16 07:48:04

Reverse it. How would you feel if a woman who professed love for your husband was going to drive him around the UK and stay in hotels for a road trip for a few days. How would that make you feel?

Hassled Sun 25-Sep-16 07:48:06

Flip it over - if it were your DH in a car for 3 days with a woman who has declared her love for him, how would it make you feel? Uncomfortable, awkward, nervous? However much your DH can rationalise it and say "well, Lemony would never do anything", part of him is bound to be feeling insecure. If there's any alternative, I think you should find it.

phillipp Sun 25-Sep-16 07:48:08

Having read your last thread, I think Yabu.

Part of the reason you didn't think it was a huge issue, and your dh was ok, was the fact that you lived in different countries if I remember rightly.

I think if you husband is unhappy with this set up ywbu to go ahead and do it anyway.

I also don't think it would be good for this man. He may see it as a bit of hope, that you love him too.

Hassled Sun 25-Sep-16 07:48:33

Spooky x post grin

takesnoprisoners Sun 25-Sep-16 07:48:34

YABU. It is just not fair on your DH.

DeathStare Sun 25-Sep-16 07:48:47

I think you are being grossly unfair on both your DH and your friend.

I remember your previous post. Your DH was ok with you continuing this friendship because of the distance between you. I think expecting to be able to change the goalposts like this is unfair to him and understand why he feels uncomfortable.

What your friend is offering is a HUGE favour and he is offering it because he is in love with you. To accept that favour knowing how he feels would be using him.

LemonySmithit Sun 25-Sep-16 07:49:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sooperdooper Sun 25-Sep-16 07:50:31

Yabu, your friend has been honest about his feelings and it would be completely inappropriate to spend a three day road trip alone with him now - he's not just a friend, he's a friend who's in love with you!

ToastDemon Sun 25-Sep-16 07:50:46

Totally and utterly inappropriate, and I don't know what ASD had to do with it, I have ASD and would completely flip out if my DH did this.

SaggyNaggy Sun 25-Sep-16 07:51:13

O I assume you'd be happy if the situation were reversed op?
Obviously you'll probably say yes of course, but would you really be happy with your oh being 2foot from someone who he declared their love for him? The flirty little accidental touches, the suggestive innuendos etc. Your OH wondering if life would be better with them, thinking ababout how things would be.

I doubt you'd be comfortable with it, I wouldn't be if it were my OH.

MothersGrim Sun 25-Sep-16 07:51:29

There is the difference between time and a holiday. You're looking at this as 5 days doing your chores with company and someone to drive you around. You're comparing that with the difficulties of how you would do it solo if not.

You would be very cruel to do this to your friend as well as your husband.

sooperdooper Sun 25-Sep-16 07:51:30

Spending time with him might be an evening or a catch up phone call, not three days straight just the two of you

LemonySmithit Sun 25-Sep-16 07:51:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsmalcolmreynolds Sun 25-Sep-16 07:52:43

Surely you can see there's an important difference between spending a bit of time with someone and a three day road trip?

phillipp Sun 25-Sep-16 07:52:54

You can email and Skype.

You do t have to spend three days and nights with him.

Or maybe your husband says he is ok with it, because he doesn't want to put you in a position where you have to choose.

Personally I think you need to take a huge step back from this friendship. He is in love with you, willing to take time off and spend it driving you about.

He can't see his behaviour towards a married woman is highly inappropriate. He may be seeing your continued contact and the fact that you wants to spend several days with him, as a signal that there is hope.

Your friend changed the dynamic of the friendship. Not your dh.

BastardGoDarkly Sun 25-Sep-16 07:53:04

Being friends in different countries is a bit different to 3 full days together, hotels etc.

I wouldn't like it either, and I'm really chilled about these things and trust my dh implicitly.

Whoooodat Sun 25-Sep-16 07:54:20

Why has your friend offered? It wouldn't be fair on him to accept as much as anything. So no yabu.

LemonySmithit Sun 25-Sep-16 07:54:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToastDemon Sun 25-Sep-16 07:54:50

Your strong sense of right and wrong should have you dra wing back from this friendship both out of respect for your DH and out of kindness to the friend, to let them move on.
ASD or not you are being disingenuous.

LemonySmithit Sun 25-Sep-16 07:56:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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