NC for this as it could out me.
I'm 30 and my brother is 33. We have always been quite successful in academic studies and have good careers now in fields that interest us both and are quite specialist. I don't know if it's a coincidence or not but both of us have never really got off the ground with relationships. I've had a few dalliances and one long term one about 10 years ago but since then nothing serious (not for want of trying I might add). He is chronically shy but trying to meet people.
Anyway that's a bit of the background. We have two aunts and both have two children (so four cousins) and they're a similar age to us. Whenever we meet at a family event the only thing our family want to know is if we are dating anyone. They switch off about everything else. The cousins are all settled and either married or living with a partner, a couple of them have kids, and I swear they look at us with pity/ amusement. It's the first thing they ask us each time.
So the thing that really pushed me to to post this is I think one of my aunts is being a bit bitchy to me, she gave me a gift for my birthday, a bracelet which had an engraving: "Better to have lived and lost than never to have loved at all." Do you think that's a weird thing to give to a 30 year old niece? I think it's such a weird engraving!
AIBU to think people write you off as a failure if you're not married with kids?
AIBU?
Do people equate marriage and children with "success"?
PaintedNails · 24/09/2016 21:34
I don't think it's failure. (Personally I think "knackered and busy" when I hear married with kids 
) more that they are concerned you may be holding yourself back from living a full life? Kind concern from a loving relative?
I know a few people who are so sled contained ot scared of being hurt (again) that they live all alone never having a relationship, and while that is great if it is made as a positive choice, it's not so great if it's a decision made in fear of something, as you may look back with regrets in later life.
Sorry for typos - feeding baby and typing (see knackered above )
So your aunt may think you were heartbroken and scared tobtry again. Just guessing of course, but not necessarily a malicious act.
As someone who is married with kids I tend to compare my lack of progress with others who haven't got kids and who are storming ahead, and who have spare time and money to pursue their interests and dreams. I certainly don't think not being married with kids = failure 
As it is, you are very young so if you do decide you want a spouse and/or kids at some point you'll have them.
That was a very weird gift from your aunt - what exactly was she thinking of??
Maybe some people do but the only "success" that matters is what we define for ourselves - it is irrelevant what others think we should or shouldn't do. Having a job we enjoy and are interested in is also a massive thing in life in my opinion.
The bracelet sounds shit and tacky in general - charity shop? 
I do absolutely think lots of people see you being married as having succeeded in life. It certainly feels that way as an unmarried 30 something. I don't get out all that much but I have often picked up on a whiff of pity once some people realise i'm single. Also I'm not sure if other people find this but if you have a quick browse on facebook there are so many people with a profile photo of themselves on their wedding day. More that than with their children, in my experience. It's like this tiny advertisement saying 'somebody wanted me. I am a success' Maybe I'm reading too much into it and it's just that wedding photos are generally one's most flattering photos but it does seem to be about status and signalling personal success.
Marriage, in my view at least, is luck in many ways - meeting someone who loves you as much as you love them is. In many cases it's also about someone desperately wanting to be married or wanting the perfect day. People marry the wrong person all the time. Despite what i've written above I don't feel like a failure because I'm not married. I really just havem't met the right person. Having a disability and barely making it out the house hasn't exactly helped with that But still lots of time for both of us op. I enjoy being single in many ways. The older I get, the more liberating I find it.
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