Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

AIBU?

Sexual Assault by Teens?

156 replies

rainysunday7 · 24/09/2016 20:20

There was an incident on a school trip (15 year olds). The boys pinned her down a girl and touched her inappropriately, putting their hands up her top, pulling her hair etc. . There were about seven of them.

It was reported to the school by another student. The school intervied the girl who admitted it had happened. The boys were excluded for a couple of days while the school investigated.

The girl was asked if she wanted to press charges against them, she didn't want to so the boys returned to school.

She has lost most of her friends as they say she should have told them loudly to stop (she said she did) but apparently not loud enough. They said she deserved it as she is a "slag" anyway and wants sympathy. One of the boys was going to spit on her but stopped. Her friends say that he didn't in the end so she should "get over it and stop being an attention seeking drama queen".

Her so called friends are backing up these boys and threatening her on behalf of the boys but the school have only given them a talking to.

Even though it is not my child involved AIBU to be absolutely fuming on her behalf? I cannot do anything about it but every time I think about it, it makes me so angry.

OP posts:

Report

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 24/09/2016 20:24

Personally (and I don't know if you know the girls parents) I would write to the school and raise a formal complaint about the bullying culture and share as a concerned parent you are very unhappy about this situation - as everyone involved needs dealing with .

Are there a few concerned parents that can raise this together ?

This sucks - and if it were my daughter I would not let this lie .

What a sad tale - and yes you are right to not let this lie

AristotlesTrousers · 24/09/2016 20:24

OMFG, that's awful! I'm not surprised you feel angry, I do too! YADNBU.

Will come back to this in a mo when I've had time to think about it, but couldn't read and run.

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 24/09/2016 20:25

Her dm should have persuaded her to press charges. She was sexually assaulted ffs! And the boys should have been expelled. My ds was expelled for one punch against a boy who cornered his gf and tried to kiss her. Nothing happened to the boy!

Beardsareweird · 24/09/2016 20:28

I agree that you should write to the school. I felt the rage building as I was reading your post. You could also contact Ofsted and raise it with them.

rainysunday7 · 24/09/2016 20:30

The parent allowed the girl to decide for herself whether she wanted to press charges. The girl said her life would be made much worse if she went ahead.

If It were one of my children I would and I would definitely remove them from the school.

The girl involved is my niece.

All her "friends" have turned their backs on her. These friends are intelligent girls so I find it difficult to understand that they think the boys did nothing wrong.

The school are pretty useless, they always protect these school's "good" reputation.

OP posts:

SouthPole · 24/09/2016 20:31

Is this in America?

If it's reported to the police (by anyone) they'll have to investigate and they decide whether to put it to the CPS for prosecution. In the UK, I mean.

The poor love.

Imaystillbedrunk · 24/09/2016 20:31

Surely if she is 15, on a school trip and its sexual assault it's not up to her whether she wants to press charges. She has been let down by every adult involved in this situation

ayeokthen · 24/09/2016 20:33

Her friends sound horrendous! The school needs to act quickly to make sure all the pupils know that sexual assault is NEVER the victim's fault, that bullying a SA victim is disgusting, and that generally being ok with this kind of behaviour is absolutely not ok. Has your niece had counselling?

Lizmay12 · 24/09/2016 20:34

This is disgraceful it shouldn't even be a decision of hers to make.
It happened and is a criminal offence so charges must be made regardless.

The poor girl! How awful.

titchy · 24/09/2016 20:34

Why haven't the police been involved?

Oysterbabe · 24/09/2016 20:35

This is awful :(
The same thing happened to me when I was 13 and I just never told anyone.
YANBU to be fuming.

rainysunday7 · 24/09/2016 20:38

We are in the UK.

The police are not involved as the school asked her to decide. Her parents let her decide what she wanted to do. I think that the situation has got worse. These boys are in her lessons.

Some are also prefects still

OP posts:

titchy · 24/09/2016 20:39

She can (and should) still involve the police.

crispandcheesesanwichplease · 24/09/2016 20:41

That is so awful OP. Terrifying. And yet another incident where a group of teenage boys basically turn feral on a girl with little comeback for them. And for her so called mates to turn on her too. This sounds like something really wrong and fucked up about the culture at her school.

I do get her wish not to make a formal complaint to the police, the great majority of victims of sexual violence don't, sadly for good reason. Also making such a complaint can cause further trauma by being intrusive and embarrassing for your niece. As such I agree with her parents letting her make the decision about this.

But what to do about the other pupils, I do not know. Presumably because she has chosen not to pursue the matter criminally has tied the school's hands somewhat.

Any teachers/school staff out there who have dealt with similar situations?

rainysunday7 · 24/09/2016 20:42

Also because she went to the back of the coach to talk to one of the boys, who said he needed to speak to her, the assault was her fault as she shouldn't have gone to talk to him. He obviously called her to the back of the coach so that they could assault her.

There were teachers at the front of the coach who apparently were not aware what was happening!

OP posts:

AGruffaloCrumble · 24/09/2016 20:45

I had a similar experience in school and didn't tell everyone. It has haunted me for years. I laughed it off alongside the boys for fear of a reaction like this poor girl has had. This scenario is horrendous OP. I would write to the school and make a formal complaint about the bullying and victim blaming culture going on in that school.

PovertyPain · 24/09/2016 20:48

It wouldn't fucking matter if she slept with half the school, including the teachers! It wouldn't matter if she wore a skirt up round her arse and a see through scholl blouse! They had no right to touch her. I'm sorry OP, but I would be speaking to the police about this. What a backwards society we live in, when a child is being sexually molested and assaulted like this, and her teachers don't immediately call the police.

I can guarantee this will not be the last assault in that school.

SpookyRachel · 24/09/2016 20:49

This is horrendous. She chose not to involve the police in the hope it would die down. But it hasn't - can't her parents revisit that decision with her? And the school needs an absolute rocket.

rainysunday7 · 24/09/2016 20:49

Agruffalocrumble - The school wouldn't do anything anyway if I did write. They are well known for being ineffective as other parents who have complained about other issues have not got anywhere.

They are only concerned with the excellent GCSE results the school achieve. They are an outstanding school so for some reason nothing ever comes of complaining.

OP posts:

rainysunday7 · 24/09/2016 20:51

Would it be appropriate for me to contact the police though? She is not my child. If her parents have agreed nothing will be done about this, what I can I do?

OP posts:

Summer9 · 24/09/2016 20:52

As she's your niece - have you spoken to her parents about your thoughts? Are they worried that the boys are back in school / same class room etc?

It's a scary thing for a girl to take it to the police so I can see why she would back away from pressing charges but doesn't sound like she's had much support from the school after the incident. (I'm wondering if the school think they've got away with it as no charges were made)

I would def want to make a complaint to the school!

rainysunday7 · 24/09/2016 20:53

I too said that if she had slept with everyone in the school, this is not acceptable. I am so angry.

OP posts:

EllyMayClampett · 24/09/2016 20:56

She shouldn't have been placed under pressure to make this "decision." That was unfair on her. A sexual assault took place. That's illegal. She shouldn't be forced to "decide." I agree with previous posters who say that the adults involved let her down completely.

helenatroy · 24/09/2016 20:56

This is awful, the poor girl. Agree that this can cause years of trauma. I'd be tempted to find a way of talking to each individual boy involved. At least one of them must be aware of the gravity of the situation. I would also suggest to my relation that she changes school and ensure that new school are aware. They have gotten away with this and that's wrong.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 24/09/2016 20:59

That's horrific OP, it really is. If I would have been this girl's parent I wouldn't have let her decide but taken it out of her hands - and pressed charges. She could have then blamed me when her cohort of 'friends' criticised her.

I definitely wouldn't have accepted the school's very hands off approach to this horrible example of bullying - by both the boys and the girls. All of them should be taken to task for their part in this, every single one of them.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.