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to think you shouldn't tell your other friends if you have a 'best friend''?

(80 Posts)
milliemoon Sat 24-Sep-16 10:05:30

To me this translates a bit like... "I like you. You're my friend. But there is someone I like, enjoy the company of and value the friendship of a whole lot more than you."

Yes I realise this makes me sound like I'm still in school, I'm not, but I do find as an adult when my friends tell me about their best friends, I feel a little sad that I don't quite match up. I'd never say anything obviously.

QOD Sat 24-Sep-16 10:06:48

Oh god I know people like that

Makes me stabby 🍴

I have an oldest friend and such like but the 'best friend ' bit is so childish

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Sat 24-Sep-16 10:09:14

I don't even like it when people callme a best friend. I particularly hate "Bessie" and I am not one of these ultra nature people who think everyone should just grow up.

But they should when it comes to this.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed Sat 24-Sep-16 10:10:15


Costacoffeeplease Sat 24-Sep-16 10:14:21

Who even has best friends as an adult confused

I'd steer well clear

PoppyBirdOnAWire Sat 24-Sep-16 10:14:48

Wow. There are really women like that? I hope I never meet one because I would have absolutely nothing in common with her!

Meadows76 Sat 24-Sep-16 10:15:08

It depends how old you are. Surely the term 'best freind' gets left in the playground. When we continue our friendships and build more as adults we can just refer to people as freinds

gamerchick Sat 24-Sep-16 10:15:11

Heh I hate the term bestie, its one of those words that make me grit my teeth grin

gamerchick Sat 24-Sep-16 10:16:52

Actually thinking about it it matters a hell of a lot less the older you get. I cant remember the last time I thought of a pal as best.

Oblomov16 Sat 24-Sep-16 10:23:54

I completely disagree. Of course you are allowed a best friend as an adult. It's the person you are closest too, at that given time. It's not childish or playground'ish. But, it just doesn't need to be talked about or mentioned.

Maybe OP is just sensitive because she doesn't have one? Maybe she needs to work on that.

I have 4 very close friends. I guess 1 of them is still my best friend, I never think about her as that, but yes she is: we met 25 years ago at uni and I still tell her practically everything.
Is that what a best friend is? What's the definition of a best friend?

Oblomov16 Sat 24-Sep-16 10:24:43

Don't like the term 'bestie' when I see it on FB - makes me cringe.

RedSauceAndJellyJuice Sat 24-Sep-16 10:27:58

I see nothing wrong with it

WittyPutDown Sat 24-Sep-16 10:28:26

I slightly nauseatingly taught my DC to say that all their friends were their best friend if they were asked. I'm suprised adults would even think to use such a silly phrase.

Trills Sat 24-Sep-16 10:28:44

It all gets very possessive, which is silly, because we're talking about people here not objects to be owned.

I find it a bit twee to talk about "best friend".

But I find it extremely needy and irritating if people get upset about someone else having a best friend, or a better friend.

People have different levels of friendship. You have people who are your top-tier friends and people who are your friends but not as close. So why do you get upset when you find out that other people do this too, and you are not always the absolute favourite?

(see also evening wedding invitations)

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sat 24-Sep-16 10:29:04

I have a best friend. She's stuck by me through thick and thin, been there for me when I've been in the depths of despair, dropped stuff and come running to listen when I've fallen apart. And I have done the same for her.

No other friend has done that and nor would I expect them too.

So y'know, get over it and all that.

PoppyBirdOnAWire Sat 24-Sep-16 10:29:24

"Maybe OP is just sensitive because she doesn't have one? Maybe she needs to work on that."

What a nasty and unprovoked comment. It's very "childish" and very "playground-ish". And stupid.

AntiHop Sat 24-Sep-16 10:31:24

I have a best friend. I don't refer to her as that as I think it's insensitive. Like oblomov I also cringe when I hear the word bestie.

milliemoon Sat 24-Sep-16 10:32:20

Oblomov16 I think you may have missed the point of my post. I don't find it unacceptable to have a best friend, that's a wonderful thing to have, my issue is with telling your other friends about having a best friend, to me it seems a little unfair on those people to be in the knowledge they are second best

jemsywemsy Sat 24-Sep-16 10:34:40

'BFF' is the one that really makes me cringe.

I think it's a bit of a product of FB...telling people who your best friend is just wouldn't have really factored in many people's life as an adult before, even if you might have had someone who you considered your closest friend. Now it seems part of the perfect life that people think they have to present on there.

YorkieDorkie Sat 24-Sep-16 10:37:31

I have a "best friend" from university I suppose. She's A. We socialise with a group of two other friends (B & C) which were workmates of mine after I finished my degree and worked in a night club. My "best friend" joined this group and we are all "best friends" I think. I wouldn't say to B & C that A was my best friend. We've been maid/matron of honour for the each other so I guess they would assume we're still best friends but it's not a thing we say.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Sat 24-Sep-16 10:38:07

I see it as a mark of respect for the best friend. Like a way of saying this person is super special to me. I think it's nice to be able to say that without anyone getting jealous and upset. Don't people just sense that anyway, when two other people obviously have a special bond? I think it's sweet.

user1473494811 Sat 24-Sep-16 10:40:08

All very silly, I had a friend who insisted that she was my bestie, she sulked if i went anywhere with anyone else, always made other friends feel uncomfortable. Tended to be quite aggressive in a sneaky way. Cut her out of my life completely when she tried to manipulate me into a compromising position with her brother and the suggested it might not be a good idea to mention it to DH !. Of course I did ell him and shut her out of my life completely. Since then i have felt much happier and had not realised how much she was depressing me.
My point is maybe you are better of without such a friend, grown women do not need a security blanket. While its nice to have friends I think anyone who uses possesive terms is best avoided at all costs

MrsJayy Sat 24-Sep-16 10:41:15

Best friend makes somebody sound about 12 not that there is anything wrong with having closer friends but a grown woman saying it out loud is cringy

Gwenhwyfar Sat 24-Sep-16 10:42:24

"I slightly nauseatingly taught my DC to say that all their friends were their best friend if they were asked."

So you're teaching them to lie.

MrsJayy Sat 24-Sep-16 10:43:51

A friend of mine got really upset when her best friend didnt ask her about something I did feel sorry for friend as she really thought her bestie didnt care

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