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To be fed up of restarting every year!

(9 Posts)
freemanbatch Sat 24-Sep-16 00:09:50

DD1 has significant emotional/behavioural/ mental health issues caused by my complete inability to see the terrible effect that living with domestic violence was having on her and then by her, and her sisters, being totally done over by the family court and returned to regular contact with her father after an amazing 12 month of recovery when children's services helped us leave.

DD1 has had an SEN registration for emotional/behavioural and mental health issues for four years now and each school year we set off with a complete disaster of a few weeks when it's pretty clear that the new teacher hasn't even bothered to read her IEP or any of the reports from the previous year and is instead working in the basis of 'getting to know her' and finding out for themselves. As the year goes on the teachers become experts in helping and supporting her and by Easter I'm learning new things from them which is great for me and shows that they care. we all sit down after may half term and write a really detailed handover document, concluding that this year it's going to be done properly and without the distress and yet the next year I find myself in the very same position three weeks into term and wondering why I keep trying to be nice rather than going in shouting and screaming!

Dd1 needs to know that she can escape (the more she knows she can escape the less she needs to do it), her IEP is clear that she should sit right by the door but her new teacher has sat her right next the the teacher's desk as far from the door as you can get with every child between her and the door. Cue panic and disaster.

DD1 has an issues with mistrust of men, she had a male teacher a few years ago who was awesome and worked wonders on improving this by being careful yet consistent around her. This year she has a male TA who insists on standing by the door or on standing behind her when she's trying to work. I know this because he told me in our meeting today and has promised to stop now I've spoken to him but it's in her IEP so he should have already known.

DD1 has dyspraxia and struggles physically with writing and she finds it very mentally tiring she also struggles to retain instructions so her presentation isn't great as she doesn't get numbers in the margin or dates on the right lines. These issues, and the fact that she should receive only compliments for whatever work she manages in the first two weeks, are documented on her IEP but on her first day I had her home in tears because despite having written four pages in English and two pages in maths she'd been told off for where she put the numbers when she was copying out the ten new class rules!

There are more but I bore myself never mind you ;-)

So here we are three weeks into term and it's all a complete mess, Dd1 is hardly sleeping, she's crying a lot, I'm having to drag her to school and I could cry(and as you can tell from the time I'm not sleeping well for thinking about it all)

So AIBU to think that a school should be able to transfer SEN knowledge from one year to the next without distressing an already delicate little girl or is it normal for each year to start like this?

Is there any chance of changing schools if this one isn't suited to DD1? How old is DD1?
If new school isn't possible is it worth having a meeting at the end of term/school year with the current teacher and the teacher for the following year to get everything worked out

freemanbatch Sat 24-Sep-16 00:26:51

She's just gone into year 5 which is quite scary as I know that there will be very little support in two years when she goes to high school :-(

I've been thinking about changing school but then I worry that without the history a new school would just see her as naughty and she might not survive in school for long :-(

I always ask for a transition meeting before the end of the previous year but they never seem to be able to fit one in at least not one that includes me, they claim they have lots of them between the teachers but I can't see how that can be true given how things turn out each time.

Itsallgoodimtold Sat 24-Sep-16 00:31:07

I felt very similar frustration with the speech and language therapy service. Meetings were held with advice shared and months later confirmation of meetings were put down in reports for everyone to read. By then the issues were no longer current.
My best advice is to go round and visit as many schools as possible and move. Often people think it's a choice between mainstream or specialised, assuming all mainstreams will be the same. They ARE NOT. Visit special, schools with hubs but also visit as many other mainstreams as you can.

Rrross1ges Sat 24-Sep-16 00:40:24

Honestly I have no strategy for you other than ram it home to the senior staff that every teacher dealing with your children needs to be aware of their needs (I share the thing of not having an escape route when someone is blocking a doorway). The thing I really want to say is that it's not your fault at all. Not a bit.

freemanbatch Sat 24-Sep-16 00:40:26

Thanks for the advice its :-)

the school has awesome results but I'm beginning to wonder if that is at the expense of support for kids who need a bit more help. Dd1 is very bright but she really does need support.

GiddyOnZackHunt Sat 24-Sep-16 00:42:26

I sympathise. We don't have the high level of crisis that your girls do and we have a good SENCO but the start of the Autumn term is often horrific for dd1 too.
I do make a point of going to the "meet the teacher' sessions for dd1 at the end of the previous term with a list of crucial points. I scan the room for triggers and tell them.

freemanbatch Sat 24-Sep-16 00:45:39

I think I've almost got to believing it isn't my 'fault' Rrross1ges i did everything I could to protect them once I realised what was needed but I still feel responsible, I don't want her whole life to be defined by my mistake!

I think I maybe need to be less nice with the staff but I still really struggle to stand up to authority figures even if they dint really have any authority over me!!

freemanbatch Sat 24-Sep-16 01:00:31

Our senco is great for support and understands things really well but I'm not sure how much authority she has in making people do the things they should which doesn't help the situation I guess!

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