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To feel stressed out about when to have next baby?

(34 Posts)
Shouldishouldntishouldi Fri 23-Sep-16 16:28:46

I know this has probably been done to death but I was hoping to get some similar stories or just get this off my chest to clear my confused head! We have gorgeous triplets, 18 months old. My husband works full time and I have not gone back to work (have a good career that luckily I can back to). So, we always said we would try for the next baby once the triplets got their free nursery hours. I would go back to work, earn a bit more money, save up a bit and then all being well we would start IVF (issues on my side) and fingers crossed get pregnant again. The triplets would be at school by this point. But now I'm questioning when is right and it's driving me mad. Would we better to start IVF sooner, I'm off with the triplets anyway and then go back to work once the new baby could go to nursery? Is it mad to wait and wait when I have to be off and can't work anyway, than to end up taking a load more time off work, better to get started and have a new baby sooner and move forward quicker? I'm so confused and I know that no one can give me any answers but just needed to get it out there as its stressing me out that we will make the wrong decision. And breathe!

GreatFuckability Fri 23-Sep-16 16:32:08

I think its a very personal decision. Presuming you could financially do it, i'd probably be more inclined to do it sooner than later.

I had my children within a short time period (3 under 3) and for me it worked well, that i took minimal time out of employment and got the baby stage over with faster.

Ragwort Fri 23-Sep-16 16:34:23

No answer but am amazed you are considering another baby if you already have triplets grin.

CaveMum Fri 23-Sep-16 16:36:29

Only you can decide if you are ready or not, there will be 3 years between ours (DD 2.5 and currently pregnant with #2) due to fertility issues and requiring treatment (not IVF).

Do you have the money to fund your IVF treatment readily available? I only ask because you are unlikely to get NHS funding now that you have children already.

Oh and bravo for even considering another one after triplets! grin

drinkyourmilk Fri 23-Sep-16 16:38:26

I'm pregnant with my first through ivf. I was very lucky to get pregnant first time. We've said we will start trying as soon as baby turns 1, as it can take many tries.
If your sanity can take it I'd start ASAP.

TheHiphopopotamus Fri 23-Sep-16 16:40:06

You have triplets and you're considering another baby?!!

If I was you, I'd wait til your first three are about 25. Have you thought about what you would do if you got pregnant with twins or even triplets again? (Apart from star in your own reality show, that is.)

Shouldishouldntishouldi Fri 23-Sep-16 16:41:18

Thanks everyone, we always knew we wanted more, I especially always wanted to be pregnant more than once and experience a 'normal pregnancy,' We only had one embryo put back in but it split and we got identical triplets, don't ask me the odds of that happening but I think it's close to 1 in a million! We can afford the IVF so not an issue there. I guess my other thought is that looking after triplets and new baby will be hard. I look after the triplets on my own full time (no friends / family help) so I'm confident with that but a new baby as well? Maybe it's best to wait until they're in school! Gah. So hard to know. And what if the IVF doesn't work? Or takes years? As you can tell I'm conflicted!

NattyTile Fri 23-Sep-16 16:54:40

Personally I'd try now but then I always did want lots of children!

HerRoyalFattyness Fri 23-Sep-16 17:00:23

Ooh, tough one. If I was healthy and could afford it then I'd crack on with the IVF sooner rather than later. But, on the other hand you already have triplets and that can't be easy (I have 2 that are 19 months apart and that's bad enough at times!)

Also, are you prepared for the possibility of another set of multiples?

Shouldishouldntishouldi Fri 23-Sep-16 19:00:39

All very useful points, thank you! I don't think I have any more or less chance of multiples that anyone else - splitting is spontaneous and rare. We would only have one put in again. I'm just so torn. My triplets are still breastfed and sleep with us so I know we have some work to do before even considering IVF again but I just wonder if it's mad to wait until they are at school, and then have another 3 years of being off work etc!

KathArtic Fri 23-Sep-16 19:19:31

Triplets! More? Are you mad?? What if you have triplets again?

SingingTunelessly Fri 23-Sep-16 19:24:19

You've got 18mo triplets that are still breastfeeding and you want another baby? Sorry, my mind is totally boggled. grin.

Tootsiepops Fri 23-Sep-16 19:25:08

Sorry - I know this is totally not the point of the thread, but serious respect op for having and coping with triplets without friends or family nearby. I have one 10 month old via IVF and she has near enough broken me confused

Shouldishouldntishouldi Fri 23-Sep-16 19:31:04

Tootsiepops thank you! I genuinely enjoy motherhood, even when I'm on my knees!

If I had triplets again we would welcome them and love them and they would bring three more times the joy to our family x

Shouldishouldntishouldi Fri 23-Sep-16 19:31:57

But on a serious note the odds of that happening again would be like winning the lottery!

KC225 Fri 23-Sep-16 19:34:52

I am stunned you are contemplating another baby with 18 month old triplets. I have twins and found that age really difficult. I needed eyes in the back of my head and they ran in opposite directions.

I do understand about the 'normal' pregnancy though. And that rocking one baby in your arms whilst not rocking the other one with your foot.

Good luck OP.

Shouldishouldntishouldi Fri 23-Sep-16 19:45:05

I love this age. They are so full of life! But realistically, even if we started now and everything went to plan, new baby wouldnt be here for 15 months at least.

WhateverWillBe Fri 23-Sep-16 19:56:27

Don't underestimate how dog tired you'll be when you're pregnant.

I'd imagine a triplet pregnancy was hard anyway! BUT...with your first pregnancy at least it's only you. You lie down when you're tired, eat when you're hungry. No chance for that when you're pregnant and already have dc.

With 3 such young dc I wouldn't consider another for at least a couple of years.

HappyAsASandboy Fri 23-Sep-16 19:56:36

My first children were twins, and I had my third child when the twin had just turned 4.

I went back to work for three years in between maternity leave years.

The age gap worked brilliantly because at just four the twins were able to wait for a minute, and could fetch things, and had some responsibility for their own safety in car parks/roads etc. They entirely fed themselves (I provided the food, obviously!) and could get a cup and the juice from the fridge and bring them to me for pouring etc, which made a big difference when I was sitting at the dinner table trying to eat my tea while breastfeeding the baby and doing an online tesco shop at the same time!

My three are now nearly 6 and nearly 2. They have a fabulous time together. The big two are very protective and caring towards the littlest, and the littlest wants to be just like them!

Having done twins I was perfectly prepared to do twins again (and having had natural fraternal twins first pregnancy I had quite a high chance of twins again). Hats off to you for feeling the same about triplets! I guess once you've managed it once you feel you could do it again if need be smile

I don't think there's a right answer. You will make either option work for you. I would advise finding some three and four year olds to look at while they play together and try to imagine your family with the triplets at that age. Which would accommodate a newborn most easily? Do you want to return to work for a bit? Would it make the eventual permanent return to work easier if you've done a year or two now? Is IVF easier to deal with whilst working or whilst being a SAHM to triplets (now that's a question not many have to think about!)?

Good luck with your family plans grin

RubbleBubble00 Fri 23-Sep-16 20:06:07

id wait until they are in school tbh. You want to enjoy your next preganacy, not be on your knees with tiredness. Plus triplets will be easy to get in and out of the car, entertain themselves more easily, be able to go for walks, help out their new siblings.

My friends a twin, he also has twin brothers. You have to accept a higher likelihood of a multiple preganacy next time round and might not be the 'normal' preganacy you want

SovietKitsch Fri 23-Sep-16 20:22:46

Never?! Seriously though, if you want to keep your career, do think about how many kids it's feasible to do it with. Juggling the homework / clubs / music lessons along with your work, let alone actually spending any downtime with any of them can be quite a challenge once you have more than a few.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain Fri 23-Sep-16 20:26:22

I'd wait until they are all 4 I think. Looking after 3 will be hard work as they get bigger in a way you haven't appreciated now. Wanting a singleton pregnancy is not a good reason for having 4 kids unless you go into it with your eyes open.

Shouldishouldntishouldi Fri 23-Sep-16 21:03:42

Thanks everyone!
Rubble - there is actually no higher chance of multiples than for anyone else at all. We would have one embryo put back so I'm not going to fall into the category where if you release 2 eggs and have twins you are more likely to again or the I am older so more likely to release more eggs. The embryo splitting would be the same risk as for anyone at all trying for a baby, completely spontaneous and not linked to genetics / age or anything else so statistically having multiples again is the same as for you for example.
Donotblame- would never want another baby for a singleton pregnancy experience. We want another baby to join our family, to be a sibling, to be loved, to give opportunity to and all the other reasons for wanting a new baby.
I think I am erring on the side of the original plan to start IVF when the triplets are in nursery at 3 but who knows! X

EatsShitAndLeaves Fri 23-Sep-16 23:11:38

TBH I'm gobsmacked that you are considering having any more kids at all after triplets.

Shouldishouldntishouldi Sat 24-Sep-16 12:06:40

Er, thanks?

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