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.....to think that this is not an unreasonable house rule?

(128 Posts)
LaContessaDiPlump Fri 23-Sep-16 09:39:27

DS1 (5 yo) has a tendency to throw things as part of general playtime. I will be sitting on the sofa and all of a sudden something will go flying past my line of sight. I do not like this. I do not consider it to be acceptable behavior from anyone who's older than 3 yo and capable of following rules generally (he is fine at school). I have told him I do not like this and that if he absolutely must throw, he can do it in the hallway (nothing breakable there), in his room (break your own shit, I don't care) or outside in the garden, but not in the communal areas like living room, kitchen and bathroom. He doesn't listen.

DH claims that I am being completely unreasonable and has mitigated the rule to 'No throwing HARD things' i.e. soft items can be thrown with impunity. I have said I don't like this and have requested that it stop; I have basically been told to suck it up.

I'm really unhappy at having what I think is a perfectly reasonable request be basically just fucking ignored by the other people in my house, particularly by my husband who is old enough to understand the request and comply with it.

I have started to wonder if I'm being unreasonably sensitive in not wanting items flying around the room unpredictably.

AIBU?

Beeziekn33ze Fri 23-Sep-16 09:41:30

Even worse when DH joins in!

IceRoadDucker Fri 23-Sep-16 09:42:32

WTF. No, YANBU but your husband is a dick for undermining you to your five-year-old.

There's no need to throw anything.

RatherBeRiding Fri 23-Sep-16 09:43:29

Not unreasonable at all in my opinion. I would go ape-shit if children old enough to know better were chucking things around in general living space. Also dangerous I would have thought in the kitchen - knocking off a hot pan from the hob?

However, I think your problem is that you and your DH are simply not on the same page and he appears to find it completely acceptable to over-rule you without any discussion! This would make me go nuclear, let alone ape-shit. Do you generally agree on parenting/house rules?

Gatehouse77 Fri 23-Sep-16 09:43:58

At that age our house was rule was you were only allowed to throw balloons and tantrums inside, everything else outside!

BertPuttocks Fri 23-Sep-16 09:44:10

YANBU.

I would be tempted to hand DS a few of DH's things to throw. The more fragile the better.

ClopySow Fri 23-Sep-16 09:44:13

Start throwing plates accross the kitchen.

PurpleDaisies Fri 23-Sep-16 09:45:36

There's no point having a rule that you can't enforce because your husband won't stick to it. I think you're right, but you and your dh have to be on the same page here. Whatever you decide, you both have to enforce. When kids learn you don't have to obey the rules because nobody will pull them up on rule breaking, you're in for a very tough time in getting them to listen to you.

RealityCheque Fri 23-Sep-16 09:45:42

Err. Why is your opinion more valid than your husband's?

You should sit down and discuss it together. Like grown ups. But at the end of the day, you BOTH live there so you should not be unilaterally imposing rules.

tibbawyrots Fri 23-Sep-16 09:46:37

You don't throw things in the house! Even soft things can knock things down/over and that's when damage happens.

user1468407812 Fri 23-Sep-16 09:46:48

No YANBU, your DS needs to recognise that its wholly unacceptable to throw things, what would happen if he went to a friend's house and threw things, soft or not.

PatPhelan Fri 23-Sep-16 09:47:05

YANBU

canyou Fri 23-Sep-16 09:49:05

No UANBU, shock that your DP thinks it is ok
To be fair my DC used to throw things and DP saw no problem once it was during a game or when someone was to lazy to get up and get some thing. It used to drive me nuts. What stopped it was when their pride and joy a huge all singing and dancing tv got smashed by a ball. I refused to buy a new one on credit or allow MIL replace it for once she backed me up so no tv, gaming etc for 9 long weeks .
And it was not even a hard ball but one of those squishy soft beanie baby balls. Not even a pair of socks are tossed around nowgrin

SantanaBinLorry Fri 23-Sep-16 09:49:08

YANBU. Balls/outdoor games/throwing - outside only. Wouldnt even stand for it in the hall way tbh, especially if your husband is not backing you up, to much room for 'mistake' throws.

This is a particular annoyance of mine as I seem to have a head/face that attracts flying objects... if its gonna hit anyone its gonna hit me!!!

Put you foot down OP!

scaryteacher Fri 23-Sep-16 09:51:40

My mil decided she would juggle with the soft juggling balls she had bought for ds. When she was presented with the bill for replacing my smashed Dartington wineglasses, she regretted her decision to the tune of a couple of hundred pounds.

Soft things can smash glass and cause damage too.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Fri 23-Sep-16 09:51:55

Adults shouldn't need to sit down and have a fucking conversation about whether throwing things inside the house is a good or bad idea confused most adults are capable of seeing that throwing stuff inside the house is a recipe for disaster.

Unilateral rules set down to children who don't automatically know not to do it:
- don't take food into the bathroom
- don't jump from the middle of the stairs to the floor
- don't swing on the doors
- turn the taps off when you're finished
- knock before coming into my bedroom

I agree with you OP.

OurBlanche Fri 23-Sep-16 09:52:21

I think Bert has your solution.

Hand DS something fragile of DHs and tell him he can throw it as much as he likes, "Just not too hard, dear."

See how long it takes your DH to back track - especialy if the target is also something of DHs....

This scenario has nothing to do with your opinion being more valid, etc, it is down to logic, common sense and a desire not to be hurt or have anything broken. I mean, seriously, who has ever been given free reign to hurl things around indoors?

Wdigin2this Fri 23-Sep-16 09:55:26

Every time he throws something of his own, pick it up...and throw it in the bin!

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Fri 23-Sep-16 09:55:32

Disagree - YABU. If they're allowed to throw stuff in half the house it's a bit silly to restrict them elsewhere.

We also have the 'don't throw hard things' rule and it's worked out fine.

We do have an open plan house so to us it's important to me the children feel free to play in the main living area. If they want to throw a balloon back and forth I'm not going to object.

I think your DH makes sense and is helping create a fun home and nice memories.

mycatstares Fri 23-Sep-16 09:55:55

Maybe you dh should see photos of kids with nasty burns from hot tea or boiling pots being knocked on them, he might listen then. Or maybe kids with glass scars where a photo frame has fell on them?

Both of those things can easily happen when something is being thrown around a room, even if it's a soft toyhmm.

PurpleDaisies Fri 23-Sep-16 09:57:06

I think your DH makes sense and is helping create a fun home and nice memories.

You can still have a fun home and nice memories with sensible rules. Children do not have to be allowed to do exactly as they please to enjoy life.

LaContessaDiPlump Fri 23-Sep-16 09:57:47

After a blazing row discussion the other night, it seems that he thinks that banning throwing in communal areas means I am joyless and incapable of having fun. Apparently throwing indoors is part of normal life with children and I should embrace it.

He also said that people throw things all the time, like keys, cushions, blankets etc. I pointed out that there is generally warning given for such events or that they are actively requested, so it's distinct. He doesn't seem to agree.

Reality my opinion is not more important than his hmm but if there was some daily non-essential household occurrence that pissed him off this much then I'd support him in telling the kids to bloody stop it.

LaContessaDiPlump Fri 23-Sep-16 10:00:55

Maybe it is partly just me. I find unpredictable behaviour very stressful (both socially and with the kids) and have difficulty coping with it. I think that having objects fly around the room indiscriminately defines unpredictable.

To whoever said it, I'd happily ban throwing indoors full-stop - I was trying to be nice by allowing it elsewhere in the house. Clearly should have gone for broke and not bothered.....

Jackiebrambles Fri 23-Sep-16 10:03:40

WTF? My eldest is 3.5 and we have a 'no throwing' stuff in the house.

That's anything too! Outside is for throwing balls etc.

Far too much scope for broken stuff/stuff hitting his sister/me to allow throwing of anything inside.

metaphoricus Fri 23-Sep-16 10:06:20

NBU. It should go without saying that chucking things around in the house is not acceptable, hard or soft. A blanket ban is what I'd recommend. No pun intended.

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