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DP's DSM's constant comments

(16 Posts)
GreenGoth89 Thu 22-Sep-16 21:35:25

I've been unwell and unable to work for the past 5 years. I have a host of long term medical conditions some of which are genetic and some of which have meant that I have been using walking stick/mobility scooter/wheelchair. Since DP and I have been together, his stepmother (every time we see each other) compares me to her daughter who has another fluctuating condition (but not the same as me) who apparently has worked full time throughout and makes her distain for me not working very clear. I am planning to go back to work part time at some stage but once I feel ready and I'm not having major flare ups and ending up in A&E due to falls and such. But every time we go over there I come away feeling incredibly upset and angry that she treats me like this. She doesn't know that much about my medical history or that I have mental health issues too.

AIBU to send DP's father a message telling him how her behaviour is upsetting me, or is there a better way?

AndShesGone Thu 22-Sep-16 21:36:55

Don't go. That's better.

CrazyOldBagLady Thu 22-Sep-16 22:11:00

I agree with the PP. Don't go over.

DonaldStott Thu 22-Sep-16 22:12:40

Yes. As above. Don't go.

Blondieblondie Thu 22-Sep-16 22:14:18

Agree, don't go. But why would you discuss with your DPs father instead of directly with her, or at least getting your DP to speak to her?

LineyReborn Thu 22-Sep-16 22:15:07

Don't go there; and what the fuck is your DP doing during all this?

ollieplimsoles Thu 22-Sep-16 22:15:07

Dp needs to step up

user1469914265 Thu 22-Sep-16 22:15:53

Of course you should make sure your father in law reins his woman in!

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 Thu 22-Sep-16 22:19:22

You have a legitimate reason to not see her. Enjoy it!!

GreenGoth89 Fri 23-Sep-16 07:25:33

DP was doing their garden. DP says differently but I think he's somewhat scared of her - he said to just ignore it but that's impossible when it's every time we have to do anything for Df-in- law. I don't want to bother him as he's not well atm but I don't have phone number for her.

SandyY2K Fri 23-Sep-16 07:32:15

Like PPs have said stop going there.

SandyY2K Fri 23-Sep-16 07:34:40

I'd probably also tell her she has no idea about your health issues and it's non of her business either, so you'd rather she kept her opinions to herself.

Rather that than involve your FIL.

allnewredfairy Fri 23-Sep-16 07:40:49

Your argument is with DPs SM so you need to assert yourself with her. Nothing to do with DP or DPs father.

DelphiniumBlue Fri 23-Sep-16 07:54:45

So could you tell her about your health issues? It seems strange that she's making unkind comments but neither you, DH or FiL have not said to her ,At the time she's making the comments, that her remarks are uncalled for and not justified.
You mention that her daughter has health problems too and that comparisons are made, which suggests that actually she does know about your conditions - maybe she doesn't fully understand the extent?
In which case, tell her. Don't make phone calls to fil complaining, just tell her , next time she does it, that she has clearly underestimated the seriousness of your condition and the reality is ( provide detail). Tell her it males you upset when she is dismissive, and that you can only assume she doesn't mean to be unpleasant and that it won't happen again now she has the full picture.

LagunaBubbles Fri 23-Sep-16 07:55:19

You don't need to put up with this. Don't let her treat you like this. Say something.

GreenGoth89 Fri 23-Sep-16 21:43:38

She is well known to be a dragon. I'm well known for having no issues with confrontation - both DP and DFIL hate it so much they have previously pleaded with me no to make a scene - I don't think speaking up for ones self is making a scene but whatever hmm

Should I wait until she next brings it up or should I speak to her about it next time I see her? My family never cared much about "good decorum" and more about emotional wellbeing, so for a family far above my station (please sense the overwhelming sarcasm here!) I have no idea how I should act?!

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