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To be angry at being berated on the street

(50 Posts)
epuclake Thu 22-Sep-16 18:38:57

So I was in town with a friend and 2 year old ds today. Friend was buying a top and me and ds stood outside to wait for her, looking in shop windows. I took a couple of puffs on my ecigarette (not a great habit, I know, and am working on packing it in). Some guy comes past giving me a really hard time about smoking with a child. I pointed out it was an ecigarette, we're outdoors etc, but he just continued talking back at me with a patronising scowl as he walked away.

It was really humiliating, heads turned. He really shamed me, which I guess was the point. And of course, it's not ideal to smoke in any form around kids, but I just don't think it's the place of a random stranger to take it upon themselves to go round judging and berating on the street.

I know it's a minor thing, but it really annoyed and upset me. Maybe I'm a bit too sensitive.

Is there any situation you would do the same and pull a stranger up about something, or was this guy just a judgey arsehole?

MarchEliza2 Thu 22-Sep-16 18:41:59

I've seen people doing a lot worse (in my opinion) without anyone feeling the need to hand out lectures.

He must have a very busy life if he feels the need to vent like that every time he encounters something he disagrees with (that isn't remotely his business).

acasualobserver Thu 22-Sep-16 18:42:27

I think you have to tell people like that to fuck off. Alternatively, apologise in the manner of Father Jack to Bishop Brennan, "I'm soooooooooo soooorrry."

epuclake Thu 22-Sep-16 18:49:11

Yeah I was just so taken aback that I was kind of lost for words. But yes, my second thought, after walloping the fella, was that he must be a very busy and angry little man.

epuclake Thu 22-Sep-16 18:50:20

Wish I'd taken the father jack route, acasualobserver. Haha, might have made a bit of a scene

NavyandWhite Thu 22-Sep-16 18:56:08

I hate seeing people smoking ( cigarettes ) whilst pushing a pram or with their children. I wouldn't dream of shouting at them though.

Sounds like you are trying to stop? Good luck.

TheDowagerCuntess Thu 22-Sep-16 19:00:22

OK, it's not a good luck. But what a total interfering, curtain-twitching busybody.

Bet he wouldn't have laid into a man like that.

TheDowagerCuntess Thu 22-Sep-16 19:00:41

*good look.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime Thu 22-Sep-16 19:06:56

Some people are idiots. He's an idiot. His behaviour was not justifiable.

Mrsemcgregor Thu 22-Sep-16 19:13:22

It was absolutely none of his business. No one has the right to berate anyone on the streets regardless of what they are doing. If someone is committing a crime call the police, if not fuck the hell off and keep your mouth shut whilst you go.

epuclake Thu 22-Sep-16 19:15:28

Yes, it's not a good look, and I also hate seeing folks smoking while out with their kids, so I get it, and don't see that it should be so much different with an ecigarette. Except it at least indicates a move away from cigarettes.

I gave up smoking before getting pregnant, with the help of an ecigarette. Then struggled so much when ds was born I ended up getting back onto ecigarettes as a bit of a crutch. I've since cut the nicotine right down, but my first attempt at zero nicotine turned me into an emotional wreck. So I'm trying, and will get there.

It was not the guy's point that got me. If it came from a friend or family it would be different, or even if his manner indicated it was from kindness. I get his point, I know already it's not a good thing.

NavyandWhite Thu 22-Sep-16 19:21:09

I agree that he had no right to shout at you in the street.

Sounds like you have made some pretty big steps towards stopping. Keep going and don't let this idiot set you back.

Jimbob1 Thu 22-Sep-16 19:23:14

I will admit to judging people who smoke around their children, especially those blowing smoke into the parent-facing pram of their very young baby.
I don't say anything but I do find it sickening.
I am not up to date on the risks associated with ecigarettes but do worry about the amount of young people who feel the need to use them. Are they the new "cool" thing?

OP yanbu

VeryBitchyRestingFace Thu 22-Sep-16 19:24:13

He likely wouldn't have berated a bloke on the street doing the same. Too frightened of a punch to the face.

NavyandWhite Thu 22-Sep-16 19:25:54

Agree I don't think he would have likely done it to a man. Probably thinks that only mothers shouldn't smoke around their DC.

Either that or just a grad A cunt.

MrsDeVere Thu 22-Sep-16 19:31:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YNK Thu 22-Sep-16 19:31:28

This creep was totally out of order regardless of what you were doing.
Like others, I think he targeted a woman with a child knowing that would make her vulnerable!

GabsAlot Thu 22-Sep-16 19:32:10

twat at the end of the day outsdoors u can do what u like thats legal

oh and good luck x

TwigletsMakeMeViolent Thu 22-Sep-16 19:36:16

I agree he wouldn't have done that if you were a bloke. Bet he feels like the big man now. hmm

Hope you're all right, OP. Those kinds of scenes can sometimes leave you feeling a bit out of sorts.

HanYOLO Thu 22-Sep-16 19:42:11

This wasn't about smoking
This was about misogyny and power and men who think it is their right to tell women what to do
Don't let the utter arse get to you

limitedperiodonly Thu 22-Sep-16 19:42:58

I heard the other day that smoking was at a record low of 19 per cent warning - dull health report.

The perfectly nice doctor wheeled out to talk about it said that people berating e-smokers were wrong and should butt out. She said there was no proof that e-cigarettes were harmful but there was proof that they helped people give up.

But what does she know. She's only a doctor.

Chottie Thu 22-Sep-16 19:43:07

It is tough giving up.

Good luck and I hope all goes well.

Ignore and forget that man, his opinions are irrelevant.

yorkshapudding Thu 22-Sep-16 19:43:11

YANBU. I will admit that I really don't like seeing people smoking (in any form) around their kids but I respect their right to make their own choices. I would never dream of lecturing anyone in the street like that. The world would be a much less stressful place if more people realised that just because they have an opinion, that doesn't mean they have to verbalise it at every opportunity.

SabineUndine Thu 22-Sep-16 19:47:53

I hate smoking and hate ecigarettes, however you were outside and my bet is if you'd been a man, he wouldn't have said a word. So for that reason I would say YABU not to have told him to fuck the fuck off.


Amandahugandkisses Thu 22-Sep-16 19:48:17

This was nothing to do with you smoking. He wanted to have a go at someone and you're a Woman with a child. V small chance of any comeback.

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