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aibu to write this

(66 Posts)
spashy Wed 21-Sep-16 21:57:45

hi i am avid lurker on mm. and for operational reasons i won't post what this man does because i don't want to be on the dailymail. (threads should be just that on a forum)

Background story i am single and i am 32. I had 2 loving parents and i love an older man (not sure why but i dosmile) i recently attend but not often to this man who is an service professional.

He is very qualified in his job always behaves impeccable. In my view i think he is an absolute gentleman and always very polite etc.
I Was recommended by him through a friend. Who has since moved away but thought he did his okish.

We just talking about him by chance and i said that he so lovely, he makes feel at ease, could have really put on the charges, and we i see him out and about in the town area he always says hello first (even when i only met him briefly) and exchange pleasantries.
(NOTHING MORE !!!) She actually found that a bit strange and she never got more than a few words out of him. But agreed he is a nice man. This man i say is in his mid 50s at least.
To my knowledge he wore no Ring, no photos up in his office of a family, and not ever a mention. So i assumed he was one of those aloof bachelor types. Who is a very nice gentleman and recently had to attend to him a few times nothing really serious just a few enquirers and he was lovely.
We chatting about a few things just holiday type things i told him i was going abroad to south Africa and i was a bit panicky about it he told me he been there last year with friends.
and just enjoy. you love it and i did. for the last few times i think he just charged me the nominal amount. i had to see him this week and he was lovely so understanding and when i told him my worst fears on a case he said that he never let that happen.
He gave me the royal service. he gave me his full time and attention and even sought advice from his higher up friend and i was surprised to only pay the nominal charge i was expected double or triple the amount.

I came out with a buzz not sure why i relayed it to my friend who said that i think he has a shine for you. (but all through the time he behaved impeccable )

so out of curiosity i did a quick google and i was sad and i am not sure why but when i found out he was married . and i literally was like why i am sad of course a kind man like him with a good profession will be snapped up.
so i happened to notice his wife and omg like she was like me but at least 20 years plus older than me same curvy body type same hair same hair style same same eyes with sort of dress style .
i have big lips so has she

i like a nice dress and my nails and my sparkles i got my friend to google it and she noticed that yes she does look like you but older . it was weird it sort of lessen the blow. that she looked like me.

TheoriginalLEM Wed 21-Sep-16 22:05:25

i think it is fairly common for people to develop crushes on their therapists. Its his job to put you at ease!

ollieplimsoles Wed 21-Sep-16 22:05:50


Sorry, no, what 'services' is he giving you?

user1473282350 Wed 21-Sep-16 22:11:29

You should go and google therapy transference.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Wed 21-Sep-16 22:14:22

What is this 'service'

GuiltyPleasure Wed 21-Sep-16 22:17:13

Oh a therapist. That makes sense. Thanks LEM I was on a completely different thought pattern as to the service the OP was receiving. He's clearly staying within professional boundaries & would probably feel rude not to pass the time of day. OP unfortunately you're reading way too much into this, he's being polite & making conversation. Why would he need to tell you anything about his family situation. It's not relevant to his work with you. Sorry to burst your bubble OP

spashy Wed 21-Sep-16 22:17:35

he is not my therapist or anything like that. and not in mental health either. if i had known he was married i would have never have google him. but to tell you the truth i was in utter shock that i looked like his wife. My friend remarked in all the time she seen him out and about in the street he never once said hello to her only to me and she was suprised with that.

user1473282350 Wed 21-Sep-16 22:20:40

Ok, well whoever this is you probably shouldn't be googling him and looking at photographs of his wife.

That kinda creeps me out a little to be honest. If a professional person is helping them, be at least polite enough to let them keep their private life private.

spashy Wed 21-Sep-16 22:20:50

he is my accountant.

MoonStar07 Wed 21-Sep-16 22:21:00

This is an odd thread! What does he actually do for you? Is this for real?!

MarklahMarklah Wed 21-Sep-16 22:21:55

I'm sorry but I'm really confused.
You attend him? Or go to him to do something?
But he has given you a service?
Is he a priest/vicar?

edwinbear Wed 21-Sep-16 22:23:14

He is being polite to a client. You are being a bit of a stalker.

IsItJustFuck1ngMe Wed 21-Sep-16 22:23:20

I think youre really looking for something that isn't there. A LOT of women like nice dresses, sparkly jewellery and nice nails. Worse - I think this man hasn't done anything other than be polite and / or helpful and you are writing as if its a certainty he has a thing for you.... if I was his wife I'd be a bit annoyed to be honest.

spashy Wed 21-Sep-16 22:26:10

true of course i never expected him to say he was (married) and of course he is entitled to keep his private life private. but i have to say i did rather like it when i thought he liked me as a person. he had a lovely smile too.

APlaceOnTheCouch Wed 21-Sep-16 22:26:42

If you look like his wife that probably explains why he is slightly warmer to you. Not because he finds you attractive but because you remind him of someone he loves. It's like the opposite of when you hate a name because it reminds you of someone you dislike.

spashy Wed 21-Sep-16 22:29:40

i was in a involved in a complicated business that need to be winding up and sorting out the hrmc the accounts were in a mess through no fault of my own and the whole thing was a mess. at one stage i feared to be bankrupted and the potential drawbacks and he told me he never let it happen but it was the way he said .

DoreenLethal Wed 21-Sep-16 22:36:14

I think it would be best to back off here. Before you do end up in a therapist's office.

MoonStar07 Wed 21-Sep-16 22:39:10

He doesn't fancy you. He's doing his job. He's just being nice to a client. Don't read to much into it. I'm sure you'll meet someone unmarried. He doesn't have to tell you anything about his personal life. Seems it's all a bit of a fantasy in your head! Hope you will be ok and not go bankrupt! SA talk was just general small talk! Look after yourself And look elsewhere!

Chippednailvarnishing Wed 21-Sep-16 22:41:18

Speaking as an accountant, you're delusional.

He gave me the royal service. he gave me his full time and attention and even sought advice from his higher up friend. That's called doing his job. no idea what the fuck a royal service is

PigletWasPoohsFriend Wed 21-Sep-16 22:42:12

He is being polite to a client. You are being a bit of a stalker.

^ this.

He has done nothing wrong.

QueenLizIII Wed 21-Sep-16 22:52:21

I had a client write me a gushing letter and send me a present and ask me to come to a lecture with him about the issues he had experienced. It freaked me the fuck out.

he gushed about how great I was to him: yeah I was doing my job. I'm like that with everyone.

spashy Wed 21-Sep-16 22:54:49

i appreciate all your advice. and i never bothered him unless it i felt it was serious and i agree i did start to have a bit of a fantasy in my head the shame of it. Until i realized he was married but then again i suppose it could be worse i could have said when this was over how about a drink sometime lol i just loved the way he looked after me and i do know for a fact he went above and beyond his duty with my case and i did feel a bit special. say for example i went to see him at 3 i would not be out until 4.30 we laugh and talk, and he would charge me the nominal amount. or even say dont be silly.
and say i hear to help you. with a lovely smile.
but my friend that left his practice found it hard to get words out of him and be out of the door very fast. if i being honest i felt slightly special when i heard that.

PacificDogwod Wed 21-Sep-16 22:55:53

You are waaaaaay overthinking this and over-interpreting his (normal) behaviour.

Stop googling him (or his wife!)
Distract yourself.
Firmly push thoughts about him to one side.
Seek help if you find you cannot.

Memoires Wed 21-Sep-16 22:59:38

Perhaps he's being nice to you because he knows that you're paying for the family skiing holiday.

horseygeorgie1 Wed 21-Sep-16 23:03:13

You really need to get some perspective here. The guy was doing his job, in a nice way yes, but his job. He is married and you need to stop obsessing.

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