To be annoyed MIL bought us a TV(213 Posts)
So back story, our TV broke about 2 weeks ago, the cost to fix it will be too pointless so we decided to buy a new one, an excuse to have a little upgrade. The one that is broken is a Samsung full HD LED 32".
My OH contacted his mum to ask to borrow some money for a new one, which we will pay back when over time pay comes in. He told her which one we want, basically a Samsung full HD LED 42". Want to get it from John Lewis as the price is good and comes with a 5 year guarantee. Which is all fine. She agreed, and said she would phone us on monday. Monday comes around, she hasn't called. Today she has very kindly turned up with a new TV for us. Only, it is an older model, an LG, it is 32" and is not full HD. It is however a Smart TV, which is why she probably thought it was good (we have no real use for Smart TV, our consoles and Blu Ray do that already, plus we have Sky). It only has one HDMI port, which is a right pain for us. We always need to switch from Sky, to Blu Ray, to Consoles, and fiddling with ports and switching cables gives our son the wrong idea. We don't want him to pull it down on himself. There would be no way of fixing the TV down on the one she has bought us.
The subject is really going to be painful to bring up and difficult to not sound really ungrateful. Because we are grateful, it was very kind. We just wish she had spoken to us and, you know, actually asked us what we want.
We thought about keeping it and just going ahead with our plan of getting a new one, but we'd seem extremely ungrateful if they see it. And ask if it wasn't good enough. The fallout would be horrific. So is it better to just be honest?
We're also wondering if we return it to store, can we get it refunded in cash, so we can put it towards one we want, kind of like on the subtle so his mum doesn't really know? She doesn't actually come round to the flat often. We thought of exchanging it and putting down the difference, but the problem is, it's from Argos. We both really hate Argos for things like this, we've had many problems with them before. Plus as far as I'm aware, they don't offer a guarantee as good as John Lewis, if any.
To top it all off, my OH is the youngest of 4. And despite being 31, the only one of them to go to Uni and have a professional career (he's a nurse), and being an extremely good Dad, he gets treated like a baby by them and treated like he doesn't know anything. Now he's trying to get some sleep after a night shift, and has another one tonight, but can't sleep because he's stressing about it the TV situation (first world problems, eh?).
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
My FIL does this - it's always with the best intention,and its difficult to say anything without sounding like an ungrateful brat, but it is frustrating as often you end up with something completely different.
Not sure what to suggest with regards to speaking with the MIL - sorry OP! (If you find out, let me know so I can use it in future with my FIL!!)
Yes, I'm afraid you do sound entitled and ungrateful. What do you mean you decided to buy a new one and treat yourselves to an upgrade? You didn't actually have the money to buy anything!
If you don't like what she bought, bring it back to Argos and upgrade it. No, they won't refund you in cash if your MIL bought it on a card. They don't even have to exchange it at all as you have basically changed your mind, rather than there being anything wrong with the TV.
On a side note, it's hardly surprising that your ILs appear to treat your DH as the baby of the family if, despite his good education and job, he is still borrowing money for TVs at the age of 31!
When you ask to borrow money it is then difficult to remain in equal status. You have brought that other persons opinions into play. I would go with the safety side and exchange.
You aren't legally entitled to take it back for a refund. The contract is between your mil and Argos. You may well find TVs are excluded from their refund policy anyway unless faulty or damaged. Tbh you sound a bit entitled , you can't afford a new TV , let alone to dictate which model when someone else has paid.
May I be quite blunt given that you have braved AIBU? Your big mistake was asking his mum to lend you the money. You should have waited for payday.
So now you have this situation where you have acted like dependants (a bit) and MiL has bestowed her largesse (a bit).
I would tell her the truth and grovel, and hope she can get the money back on her card. (No, Argos won't give you the cash.)
They'll probably refund you if the tv is unopened and you have the receipt, although the refund will go onto the card you paid with - money laundering requirements ensure that.
You could take it back and then tell MIL that it was broken but actually it didn't have enough ports or something, and you're going to wait to save up - she'll probably still be put out because you are looking a gift horse in the mouth but I don't think there's a way to reject the tv and not, to be honest.
If you want to treat yourself to an upgrade you need to pay for it yourselves, can't get my head round you deciding you want xyz features when you haven't got the money to pay for it, no wonder they still treat your DP like a kid because you're both behaving like one tbh
Lesson: don't spend money you don't have.
You shouldn't have to ask MIL for money, if you don't have the money, wait.
She probably thinks she's doing a great thing buying you one (as a gift so saving you money?) The problem you have is that you asked to borrow the money. She is probably thinking ooh that's so much for a tv. I will buy them one instead, treat them So they don't owe me anything.
You probably need to just put up with it. The only other option I can see really is ask her to return it but you risk a big fallout.
It's difficult as its a kindness that ends up being irritating. There's not too much you can do as she had the best of intentions.
Yes, YABU I'm afraid. You asked for a loan, fair enough, and she declined. Then she bought you a present which you don't want. Yep, there's a tricky social dynamic surrounding dealing with unwanted presents. But it's not a crime to give one.
I think your Mil was being very kind. She probably thought that if you didn't have the money to buy a TV you wouldn't be so fussy, as long as you have a TV.
The only real problem that I can see is the HDMI issue and that's easily solved with an HDMI splitter. Cheap to buy and gives you more ports.
Surely the rest is a non-issue. Yes, you might like a bigger TV and you might like hd, but it's hardly the end of the world if you don't have it.
There's lots of things I'd like, but if I can't afford them, then I can't have them.
Hmm, I can see it from both sides. On the one hand, you should just have waited until you could afford your own TV (especially wanting one from JL, when plenty of other options available). On the other, it wasn't ok for your mil to just buy any tv, and if you're not going to use it/replace it, I think she has to be told. 'Thank you, but unfortunately this isn't the one we wanted for x, y and z reason and we would hate for your money to be wasted. We'll sort it out, but thank you for the thought'.
The being babied thing is a whole other issue, going to uni does not make your partner more or less deserving of respect though - perhaps not asking to borrow money for luxuries would be a start?
Well I tried to see it from MILs perspective but trying to get my head around giving you the money for that anyway.
You wanted to 'treat yourselves to an upgrade' when you cannot afford to get your current one fixed or replaced? Bizarre
Tell her that you are very greatful but that it is too old to work with your [insert whatever technical thing that she doesn't understand] and get another one. Next time why not wait until you get your overtime pay?
I think you sound very ungrateful TBH!
If you can't afford to get a TV yourself then you have to suck up what you can have/afford.
Your MIL was trying to do a nice thing and surprise you both, you would both hurt her feelings and look very spoilt to moan about it.
As for your son getting ideas about pulling the to down, how ridiculous! And your DH not being able to sleep as to concerned about the tv would suggest why he is still treated as a child!
stillunexpected normally we could afford to, but it's come at a bad time. He doesn't get treated like a baby for asking to borrow money. This is the first time he has ever asked for anything like that.
We haven't bought a new tv, we haven't had our broken one repaired. MIL has bought one, very kindly, and is not asking us to pay her back. We are considering our options of asking to return it to get the one that is more suited to our needs, or keep it, and wait a little longer to get the one we were originally thinking of getting.
And actually, it's unopened in box with the receipt, so Argos will indeed accept a return on the basis that the customer has changed their mind:
"You know you're in safe hands with Argos, our products have a 30 day money back guarantee. If you change your mind and your item is unused and in its original condition, we can either exchange it or give you a full refund when you return it within 30 days with your proof of purchase.*"
Perhaps this was the best one she could afford to buy as a gift rather than a loan? She sounds lovely not asking for the £££ back.
I'd keep it and get a HDMI splitter tbh.
Does your MIL expect you to pay her back or is it a gift? If you've still got to pay for it your P needs to say it's the wrong one and decline it.
Exchange it - as per your quotation from the Argus customer service above. And then put in the extra to get what you want.
You can't moan that they treat your DH like a baby when he acts like one. And as for deciding to 'upgrade' your TV when you couldn't actually afford ANY TV is just bizarre. You sound very entitled and ungrateful.
I think that the only way is to be honest with her, emphasising the safety issue. Ask her if she is able to exchange it. Don't be sneaky and try to do it behind her back - you'll forever be nervous every time she comes round!
But I must say that I agree with other posters that if you go to parents asking to borrow £300 for a TV that is an upgrade on the one you had previously, then it's hardly surprising that they treat you as the baby in the family. You seem to have a house full of TV-related tech and packages, while having little spare cash to deal with emergencies.
Sorry - that doesn't sound very nice when I read it back, but I don't know how to word it better.
It was a gift
MIL has bought one, very kindly, and is not asking us to pay her back
I do know where you are coming from. My FIL did something similar when I was expecting our first (whos now 14), he offered to pay for our pram which was very generous of him, told us to go to this branch of Mothercare...where we discovered he had chosen and paid for it. I did feel terribly ungrateful but gutted that I didnt get to choose it myself.
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