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What have you done all day?

(31 Posts)
1wokeuplikethis Wed 21-Sep-16 09:17:47

I'm on maternity leave currently and my ds is 7 months. We have a 3 year old too who goes to nursery 3 days a week.
My husband said the above frequently for a while, seriously wanting to know what I've been doing all day (while muttering under his breath that the house is a tip). I told him what I do in terms of cleanliness and spending time with my baby and he stopped asking. Now he has started asking again 'jokingly'. We don't have a cleaner any more because of my lack of pay and being at home all week anyway.

So, when he asked this yesterday, here is what I 'did all day':
-took & collected daughter from nursery (45mins round trip each time)
- had Drs apt
-emptied, loaded, emptied dishwasher
- gave son his breakfast
- bathed son
- cleaned kitchen
- looked through recipe book, planned the weeks meals and wrote shopping list
- went shopping and put it all away
- gave son his dinner
- let baby have an hour nap on me (could have put him in his cot but enjoyed the cuddles)
- tidied living room
- made dinner
- put son to bed

That was a really busy day for me! I don't see where I could have whipped the Hoover round or cleaned the bathroom. I tidy as I go along and always make sure the kitchen and bedrooms are clean and tidy (toys away, bed made, curtains/window open/cups downstairs).

I mean, the house is a mess. It's fruitless to do any big cleaning when I have both children at home as everything ends up strewn everywhere. On the days when it's just me and my boy we often have appointments to attend or see friends as well. I can understand my husband wanting the house to be gleaming as I am there the majority of the week, it ought to be me sorting it. But there literally doesn't seem to be time. And I like to make sure I spend parts of the day playing with my children too, not just running about like Mrs mop.

Does it sound like I don't do much? Should I be doing more by the sounds of my typical day? It's making me feel quite stressed (and undervalued if I'm honest). What do others who are at home manage to get done in a typical day? I have no measuring stick!

Afreshstartplease Wed 21-Sep-16 09:23:57

Maternity leave isn't intended so you act as cleaner! It's intended so you can be with your baby!

BendydickCuminsnatch Wed 21-Sep-16 09:25:55

What she said ^

If he hates it being a 'tip' why doesn't he do something about it?

BendydickCuminsnatch Wed 21-Sep-16 09:29:30

OK so yesterday I:

Got up
Put TV on for DS, sat watching him play, drank coffee
Made breakfast
Went to gym
Put DS down for nap (midday ish)
Made lunch
Tidied up from lunch and breakfast, put washing on, emptied and filled dishwasher
Cleaned kitchen a bit but only because we were having friends round
Had friends round
Gave DS dinner
Bath and bed
Did my accounts for business
DH came home at 9pm and I hadn't yet put DS' toys away or cleaned up from dinner, so he did that while I made a quiche crust for friends coming round for lunch tomorrow
Put washing out to dry, 10pm

Sophia1984 Wed 21-Sep-16 09:33:24

Have you read 'What Mothers Do'? Is basically about what mothering really involves on those days it doesn't look like you achieved anything.

TeaBelle Wed 21-Sep-16 09:34:43

I can't do much during the day (and I o ly have 1 toddler). What you are doing sounds fine - what I would do in your situation is work out what needs doing in addition to your list e.g. hoover, mop floors etc. Then split it between you and dh to be done over evenings/weekends when the children are asleep or with the other parent.

Nan0second Wed 21-Sep-16 09:34:50

One of the great things that happened here was I had to go out for a day for an interview course. Once he'd had the baby for a whole day, he started to understand where time went. Now he is at home with baby one day a week whilst I work and we both fully understand the challenges. He probably needs to step up and try some solo time...

Afreshstartplease Wed 21-Sep-16 09:37:51

So far today I have

Got 3 DC and myself up, fed, dressed, teeth and hair brushed
Made 2 packed lunches and water bottles up
Done school run taking big two to school and then back home with dd age 3

In a few mins I'm gonna attack the kitchen

SEsofty Wed 21-Sep-16 09:46:19

Go t three DC up breakfast, dressed. School run for eldest. Put dishwasher and laundry on before doing school run and swept floor

Now back home bf baby whilst toddler does jigsaws.

Then will hang out laundry, unload dishwasher. Play with toddler. Then make lunch.

There isn't much spare time but if the toddler is at nursery for three mornings you could have one morning for cleaning, one for shopping (although I do online apart from bits) and one for resting

maddiemookins16mum Wed 21-Sep-16 10:10:34

Up at 6.30
Tea and toast
Got DD up, she got her own cereal
Paid a bill online and ordered something from Amazon for Christmas (pay day yesterday so I get something each month).
Tidied kitchen emptied dishwasher, put bedding on for a wash, hung outside (as sunny here) by 8am.
Waved DD off to school at 8.10.
Had a coffee, watched a bit of Everyone Loved Raymond
Cleaned bathroom
Made beds
Emptied bins, put the dustbin out for collection, washed out the bins.
Just about to hoover through and head off to work at about quarter to eleven (10 min walk).
Oh, and have got some salmon out of the freezer for dinner tonight.
Tonight will be, home from work, cook dinner, clear away, make packed lunches and slob on the sofa by 8pm for GBBO.

RunningLulu Wed 21-Sep-16 10:14:24

How can the house be a mess if you clean/tidy as you go along? Do you and your dh have different ideas of cleanliness?

Yorkieheaven Wed 21-Sep-16 10:15:20

Sweetheart I had my 7 month old grandson for a day and night and I managed to do one cup of tea.

I seriously forgot how much time and energy babies take from you and I had 4.

This Saturday get up and go out for the day. Leave him with the kids and tell him you are demonstrating to him what you do all day as he's so interested. Honestly do it. wink

Yorkieheaven Wed 21-Sep-16 10:16:31

And I would kick my dss arse if he asked my dil that question.

EdmundCleverClogs Wed 21-Sep-16 10:32:52

We do most of the cleaning on Friday to Sunday. Typical day means;

Breakfast around 7am. Make partner's lunch, find all the bits he needs whilst he changes a nappy (he's so hopeless in the mornings, but I'm hopeless in the evening so balances out).

Once he's out, feed the dog, let her out. Feed, wash, clothe baby. Put Ben and Holly on, sort out kitchen/put on wash. Make coffee, come through, find child without trousers, wrestle put them back on. Drink cold coffee. Switch off Ben and Holly before the theme tune makes me lose the plot.

Wait for the postman not to turn up. Postman will turn up if baby is napping on me (baby will not nap anywhere but on me). When baby wakes, put dog out again (dog is old, so quick outside and back to sleep), start on lunch. Plate lunch, put child back in trousers, put in high chair. Watch child try and feed broccoli and pasta to the dog.

Afternoon, clean floor, put out all of baby's expensive and well chosen toys. Watch child ignore all toys, and throw all DVDs on floor. When picking up said DVDs, turn around to see baby chew on Hoover nozzle. Give in, put on Peppa Pig, try to remember all the reasons why I quit smoking.

Try afternoon nap, fail. Offer banana, which ends up everywhere but mouth. Clean up banana. Settle down baby who's sad at losing banana. Smell dog farts for the next hour as dog eats bits of missed yellow mess. Put washing on to dry.

Afternoon nap, usually get a message from partner that he's on his way home. Put kettle on, throw any missed DVDs back on to shelves, heat up oven, put dog out. Know partner is home, as shouts 'where the bloody hell is this child's trousers?'.

Hand over baby to partner, hide in kitchen for next hour whilst he re-dresses and tries to put actual food into the little monster darling. Listen to him call me a saint for being able to manage all day with pantless, food throwing child. Sit quietly with my beautiful baby and let partner do the dishes, before starting the sleep-time routine.

It's exhausting, but that should not need to be said. It's bloody obvious when all written out, if your partner sees fault, he should pick up the slack. Having a child does not turn you into the housemaid.

Jackiebrambles Wed 21-Sep-16 10:44:23

Agree with the others that if my husband is on his own with my 2 for the day the house is like a bomb site and I'd never expect a meal to be cooked for me or any housework other than the absolutely necessary!

I do better that him because I'm more used to it but I still can't do house work really. The most I can do is prep/cook meals, clean up after said meals and throw a wash on / hang out while older child watches tv wnd younger one sleeps!

1wokeuplikethis Wed 21-Sep-16 11:00:48

I do feel he has a skewed idea of what I should achieve during the day. I love my husband very much, but his ideas of cleanliness are that he likes to see pristine surfaces, all toys away and things gleaming. No crap covering the table. But he is actually very messy himself (which he would fight to the death disputing) but also really good at tidying. I discovered how good he is at cleaning before we had children. After having children, well he doesn't really do anything around the house. Maybe twice a week he will clean the kitchen. He doesn't mind making dinner but that means we eat at 9pm. He does the washing (which drives me mad; stuffs it full of washing so there is nowhere to dry everything & packs it so tightly on the airer that it smells manky and doesn't 'air')

I did tell him, when getting rid of the cleaner, that I am not a professional. So he will have to be happy with my standards. He doesn't want either of us to clean at the weekends.

When he was seriously asking me about what I was doing I got pretty mad and put my foot down. He accepted it at the time. But now is going on about it again in a jokey way. But it feels that he is jibing at me and had forgotten everything I said.

I left him alone with both children for a whole day on a Saturday 8-6. And he took them to the farm and met up with a friend and his children and went to the pub. So, not a typical day at home trying to keep them all alive and happy and fed, cleaning up and making tea for me. I can't exactly say to him, you have the children on Saturday because I'm going out, but you're not allowed to meet anyone or take them for a day out! Although I do see your kind point Yorkie.

1wokeuplikethis Wed 21-Sep-16 11:03:23

I forgot to mention, I have a twisted pelvis so chores like vacuuming and mopping, or lifting the vac up the stairs/lifting up the big rug to clean under leaves me in a lot of pain for several days.

Even on good days it hurts to pick up my baby.

I might see if the cleaner is free today.

Jackiebrambles Wed 21-Sep-16 11:20:58

Seriously, get the cleaner back!!

Bountybarsyuk Wed 21-Sep-16 11:24:39

You need the cleaner to do the harder jobs as you are in pain. You then need to divide up again the lighter and everyday housework, with him taking his share.

He's taking the piss, ask him if he'd like you to come to his work and thoroughly appraise whether he's doing enough, as that's what he's doing to you. I actually volunteered to visit my husband in his office once to help him with time management/efficiency when he did the 'why haven't you done xyz' and funnily enough he didn't mention anything for probably years afterwards!

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair Wed 21-Sep-16 11:34:32

I had a twisted pelvis, bloody agony. Are you seeing a chiropractor? It took a few sessions but it's finally getting back to normal.

And back to the point ... you're doing loads and I hate the 'jokey' aspect of it. Plus taking them out on a Saturday is no way comparable to the daily grind of it - he obviously knows that subconsciously as he doesn't want to do the housework at the weekend, when presumably he's free himself.

I read What Mothers Do and second that it does put things in perspective - you are keeping a tiny person alive, that's an amazing achievement.

I couldn't put up with being judged like that, DP never has but that's probably because he knows I'd absolutely blow up at him. However to be fair he did see us as a team whilst I was on maternity leave.

1wokeuplikethis Wed 21-Sep-16 11:40:57

I saw an osteopath two weeks ago and couldn't believe how great I felt afterwards. Being pain free for the first time in months! Been doing the exercises he suggested and seeing him again tomorrow.

I think perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to him later and mention how he brings it up in a jokey manner and tell him we are both going to have to muck in.

I also don't want to waste too much time at the weekend cleaning and am happy to do some through the week. I like a clean house otherwise I feel caged and a bit manic. By the time he's finished work and we've eaten and put the kids to bed it's about 7:30/8pm and I am fully knackered. I go to bed at 10pm and like to spend a bit of time watching telly or reading or having a bath in that 2 hours of peace. He is a Duracell bunny though and always on the go so maybe he could do his bit then two evenings a week or something

I would like the cleaner back but can't afford the £60 p/m while I'm not being paid.

LeopardIsTheNewBlack Wed 21-Sep-16 14:51:55

It's only 9:45 am where I am. DH is away all week on business and DS has been home the past two days sick. I'm also 15 weeks pregnant and having a terrible time. So far I have:
- let dogs out and fed them
- got DS up at 6:30am, made breakfast etc and walked to school bus
- done 4 loads of laundry
- done dishes from last night and this morning, wiped all kitchen countertops and stove
- cleaned DS very gross bathroom and messy room
- washed and put away DS laundry
- mopped garage floor
- vacuumed my car and cleaned all the rubbish out
I still need to vacuum upstairs and deposit some checks and pay bills online. Obviously us housewives are very very lazy.

Groovee Wed 21-Sep-16 15:06:24

I'm off today.

Went and got weighed at 8.55am. 2lb off

Picked up my glasses from the opticians.

Drove to the drs to pick up dd who had walked there. Took her to the chemist, home to give her food for the medication. Then dropped her at school.

Went to Asda. Bumped into DH, went to Costco with him for lunch then shopped.

Came home. Finished printing and laminating for brownies. Popped it in my bag.

Had a wee rest.

Now have oven on for tea and chilling before the kids get in.

Will cook and serve tea, then rush to brownies and rush home again to watch Bake off before an early night.

frankie001 Wed 21-Sep-16 15:07:05

0200 - 0400 watched the film Any, as couldn't sleep
0400 - 0900 dozed
9 - 11 was on internet
11 - 13 slimming world
13 -13 30 shopping
1330 till now - have cleaned flat, washed carpets, sorted out my cupboard in which I wrote crap, delivered a letter and have just got out of the shower
Plans for later - get dressed, then head to my sisters. Was going to go.tomorrow but 13 year old niece asked me to.go today, so will suprise her.

frankie001 Wed 21-Sep-16 15:08:17

Store crap, not wrote crap. That would be disgusting!

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