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My daughters 3rd birthday, it feels a bit sad not to have party

(13 Posts)
monkeytree Tue 20-Sep-16 20:47:46


My younger daughters 3rd birthday is fast approaching. A bit of background we have no grandparents - dead or estranged. We have little other extended family. There are no cousins of a similar age. I had a late miscarriage 18 months ago which made me retreat into a shell, I felt very withdrawn. I took dd to toddler groups but never stayed anywhere long and was unable to form any lasting friendships. For various reasons some to do with the miscarriage I avoided our very local toddler group.

Dd has just settled into a pre-school a mile away from where We live. She seems very happy, small group of 13. We also go to a stay and play group once a week there too. Although, I speak to most people there once again, I have not formed any of those types of mother relationships where you meet outside the group and all in all feel isolated but pushing through all of it for dd's sake. Dd tends to prefer playing with children who are 5 plus ( her older sister is 10). I met a nice lady there today and I think we could get along but it was her first time there today. I spoke to dh about a party for dd and said I feel a little awkward to invite children and their parents as I don't know them very well. We could have the party here at our house, we have plenty of room, large garden etc. Dh said not to bother as dd doesn't really interact with the children of her own age. This all seems a bit sad. He suggested Pizza Hut or somewhere like that, just the four of us, I had envisaged balloons and jelly and a squabble over pass the parcel. I recall it being a bit different for my older dd because she had settled into pre-school for longer by the time her birthday came around plus I had a circle of established friends and had a lovely 3rd birthday at the farm park. She had established friends because I had established friends, in reality I am only in touch with one of them now. All five of my friends have older children (I had dd2 later than my other friends). At a scrape, I could probably invite 5 or 6 children who I know the mothers slightly better, it all seems so awkward. It sounds awful but I have been pushing myself speaking to people knowing my dd's birthday is coming up, I just can't seem to form any more deeper friendships this time. Anyone been in a similar position? What would you do?

popthisoneout Tue 20-Sep-16 20:54:48

I would have a party and invite people. Doesn't matter if you don't know them. I made a whole group of new friends through going to parties when DS turned three. They will be reciprocated mostly likely and you can get to know people gradually.

Sootica Tue 20-Sep-16 20:54:56

Hi Monkey
I'm in a similar position
No family nearby or family who would travel for DD's third birthday
She's my third child and I work and I just haven't made mum friends with kids of similar age and other friends have older kids
Is your DD bothered about a party? If not how about an outing and cake and jelly and presents with the four of you
Unfortunately my DD is very bothered about a party and has been talking about it for months. I am going to pay for a small soft play party with the kids she goes to the childminders with so that she actually has a party. But only because she has talked about it soooo much. Otherwise I would do an outing (peppa pig world!) if I could get away with it.
If you see mothers at preschool every day at drop off and do a once a week stay and play I would think you know them well enough to invite all 13 - could you do it straight after pre school one day?

popthisoneout Tue 20-Sep-16 21:01:17

Sorry for your loss btw, truly heartbreaking flowers

KC225 Tue 20-Sep-16 21:06:13

Can you ask the 'stay and play' group if you could have a mini party there. Explain what you have told us. My pre-school group whovallow this if you let all the children join in. Maybe a game of pass the parcel a sing song, balloons and a cake. That way you she gets to blow out the candles, it's more low key. You could give out some little party bags at the end, the kids will love it.

monkeytree Tue 20-Sep-16 21:07:32

Thank you ladies. Dd has only been to pre-school twice and I only know a couple of the parents. I could forge ahead and Invite the few I have spoken too. I guess I could include siblings too, this might bump the numbers up. I feel so guilty but I know a lot of these problems have probably been caused by your avoidance issues doe to mc. I just don't seem to have gelled this time with anyone. One of my dearest friends, I made when dd1 was small, I feel a bit sad about it all with no family to speak of and now this, it brings it home. I need to make the most of it, even if it is just a few children. Dh says ask dd what she wants I am guessing she's going to say party but I could be wrong! Plus I could invite a couple of dd1's friends who dd2 loves to see, she calls a couple of them her friends, I could just cobble this together!

Lindy2 Tue 20-Sep-16 21:08:24

Why don't you arrange something and invite the 13 preschool children. You don't have to be friends with the parents to invite the child to a party. Choose a soft play or something similar where the kids can just run around having fun. Not many 3 year olds do proper interactive play. You might find you get to know some of the other parents better during the party.

Sprinklestar Tue 20-Sep-16 21:10:52

Agree with Lindy. DS just started in a new class at nursery, we got invitations home in school bags (small class) and all had a great time at one child's party the other weekend. None of the parents really knew each other, but they did by the end of the party after a few drinks. Was a great ice breaker and I can now invite them all when's it's DS's party too.

WineIsMyMainVice Tue 20-Sep-16 21:14:57

Really good idea KC.
Or, if you can muster the deep enough breath to do it, just invite everyone from the stay and play, plus any other parents/friends etc and have the party at home.
I did this when we'd just moved to a new area and I didn't know anyone. It was DDs 3rd birthday and she was so excited. But it felt weird having a load of people turn up to our house who I didn't know at all. (We hired a bouncy castle and that was a god send as it became a focus.) To be honest the whole thing went by in a bit of a blur as I was busy making teas and coffees etc - but I actually met a couple of really nice mums who I now stay in touch with.
At the end of the day it will only be a coule of hours, so how bad can it be? You'll be fine. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Florathefern Tue 20-Sep-16 21:15:00

Our montessori invites parents to bring a cake on someone's birthday along with candles. No other food allowed. After their lunch, the Montessori teacher brings out the cake, kid blows out the candles, the birthday kid gets the first slice and then the others all get a slice. That is it but my own DC was thrilled with it.

If the Montessori won't like it, then ask the playgroup instead. Personally the thought of strangers in my house, looking at my attempts of having 'fun' fills me with horror.

Time enough to invite friends when they have made some in primary.

monkeytree Tue 20-Sep-16 21:19:17

Do you know KC225, you might just have hit upon something. The stay and play session coincides with dd's birthday as it happens. Dh could more than likely take time off work and maybe dd1 could come too as most core lessons are in the mornings. We could take balloons, party bags etc, the dinosaur cake I was going to make, sing happy birthday and make it as partyish as possible, then we could go out to tea later and take a couple of dd1's friends just to round the day off maybe if dd isn't too exhausted. Thank you so much, I feel I can start planning now instead of being consumed by grief that Started to descend again X

DirtyDancing Tue 20-Sep-16 21:35:24

OP only thing I wanted to add is there will be many, many birthday's where she can have a wonderful party. She is still very young and really isn't missing out at this age. You can still do a cake, balloons and games at home; have a nice day out and open presents.

Mycraneisfixed Tue 20-Sep-16 21:39:54

It'll all be easier when she starts school. You interact with the other mothers/parents/grandparents whether you intend to or

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