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Would you be annoyed with school pastoral person over this?

(63 Posts)
PikachuSayBoo Tue 20-Sep-16 20:24:01

Dd is in year 11 and has been unwell for a couple of months. She's been diagnosed with severe anaemia and very low Vit d levels.

I rang school up yesterday and told the pastoral lead for her year. I wanted to give her a heads up that dd is very tired, she's worrying that it's going to affect her at school, she has brain fog, is depressed and has chest pains and shortness of breath.

So this afternoon dd is in a lot of pain and starts crying in class. Lesson finishes and dd is sat in the school cloisters crying. She has a late lesson on a Tuesday so should stay after school has technically finished. This is a compulsary lesson not an optional one. One of dds teachers told her she should go home. Pastoral person comes along sees dd and according to dd shouts at her, tells her that crying isn't going to help and that she needs to get to her next lesson. Dd told her she was crying because she was in so much pain and says she was just shouted at.

Dh wants to ring up and complain. Dd had 100% attendance last year so isn't the sort of kid to try and skive off a lesson. Dd doesn't want us to ring up school as she says the HOY and pastoral person hate her enough already.

CancellyMcChequeface Tue 20-Sep-16 20:32:16

Your poor DD. That's a shocking lack of empathy and concern from the pastoral care person. Shouting at her while she cried in pain would be unacceptable even if she had a history of missing lessons, and as she doesn't, it's even worse. Her wellbeing - physical, mental and emotional - is much more important than following school routine without any adjustments.

At your daughter's age, I'd respect her wishes not to phone the school and complain - she's also more likely to tell you if any similar incidents happen again, if so, and this is a situation you want to stay informed about.

PikachuSayBoo Tue 20-Sep-16 20:57:54

Thanks. I think you're right and we need to not ring if dd doesn't want us to.

As I told her today at least in sixth form she will have a new HOY and a new pastoral lead. So only this year to put up with them.

redexpat Tue 20-Sep-16 22:01:17

As insurance I would write down in as much detail as you can, what your conversation with hoy was, and then what happened to dd today. Anybody can make a mistake once. If similar happens again I would start a paper trail by putting my concerns in an email.

elodie2000 Tue 20-Sep-16 22:17:37

I'd nip it in the bud and phone school. A school year is a long time to 'put up' and Y11 is a tough year.

Go about it nicely but firmly. Explain again that your Dd has X symptoms and that she does not create a fuss just for the sake of it. Ask them what happened from their point of view. Tell the pastoral manager that you belive that the attitude shown by the teacher towards your DD was unhelpful rude given the situation.

Longlost10 Tue 20-Sep-16 22:25:03

Are you sure that is all that is wrong with her? many teens have aeneamia and severe vitamin D deficiency, and don't cry with pain. Well over half, as i understand it, will have one or the other or both.I have permenant anemia, and am being treated for very severe vit D deficiency myself, it is about 7% what it should be, and I get chest pains, and aching muscles, but certainly not the tpe of pain that would cause tears,

What I am saying is that conditions so common as to be considered normal are not going to be the cause of any sort of disruption to education

Yorkieheaven Tue 20-Sep-16 22:28:15

You need to go youths school and clarify the situation. It's a bit unfair to judge on just your dds account of things. You need the whole picture to judge.

Hope your dd gets better soon. Anaemia is so debilitating. flowers

Longlost10 Tue 20-Sep-16 22:29:34

Why are you expecting her to be ill for a year?

PikachuSayBoo Tue 20-Sep-16 22:42:04

I'm not expecting her to be ill for a year. I just meant that after year 11 dd won't have to deal with this pastoral person for any issues, whether that's health related or not.

I'm worried there's something else wrong with her as she just seems to be getting worse. Am taking her back to the Drs next week.

RunningLulu Tue 20-Sep-16 22:48:18

I've always had bad anemia and vit d (need injections regularly for both) so totally sympathise. It's the lack of vit d that can cause bone/joint pain - does she qualify for the experimental mega doses of D3 in addition to injections (if she has them). They pretty much transformed my life. You can get them in either tablet or liquid form.

Longlost10 Tue 20-Sep-16 22:50:58

I would take her back, I mean, so many teenage girls have these things, and they cannot in any way be allowed to miss lessons, etc, for them, or the lessons would be half empty. I don't know of girl tested for anemia or vitamin d deficiency that hasn't come back as deficient, it is very very normal. It must be something else, surely, if she is crying with pain.

PikachuSayBoo Tue 20-Sep-16 22:55:36

runninglulu. Can you remember how much Vit d you had. Dr prescribed 1600iu a day but I'm giving her 3000iu. Just tablets, no injections.

Longlost10 Tue 20-Sep-16 22:57:13

vit D is toxic, don't give her an overdose.

missnevermind Tue 20-Sep-16 22:58:51

My DS had glandular fever. Which ties in with a lot of the symptoms that you've described. Part of his treatment was large amounts of vitamin D and iron.
I also lost got a bit of time at school with exhaustion and staff had to be continually reminded of why

RunningLulu Tue 20-Sep-16 23:02:11

I took 3 1600iu per day. One with each meal, & that was a long term dose (my levels were much lower than your daughters). But do have a word with your GP I think they can prescribe higher strength doses for a shorter period.

Longlost10 - severe vit d deficiency like what I and OP's DD have is treated with megadoses.

Longlost10 Tue 20-Sep-16 23:02:56

If she is regularly taking twice what she has been prescribed, that could be what is making her ill. Its not as much as I'm one, but I was given all the safety speil about how carefully the maximum has to be matched to your body weight, and how dangerous it would be for my thin teenage children to swallow one ( I'm tall and fat)... and I've heard some pretty grizzly stories of the effects of overdoses. It isn't absorbed, if you take too much, anyway, so it won't get her over it quicker.

Longlost10 Tue 20-Sep-16 23:04:26

It is very toxic indeed, you can't just decide for yourself to double your dose!

RunningLulu Tue 20-Sep-16 23:05:43

Sorry I meant 3000iu per day. Split over 3 tablets. Fat fingers!

RunningLulu Tue 20-Sep-16 23:07:28

She wouldn't be though. She's being prescribed the meds - you can't get megadoses of Vit D in the UK without prescription.

Longlost10 Tue 20-Sep-16 23:10:36

didn't the op just say she is giving her dd about double the dose the gp had recommended? maybe I misread it

NoMudNoLotus Tue 20-Sep-16 23:20:23


Senior health clinician here - you absolutely must not double the dose the GP has prescribed.

It is toxic and dangerous.

Longlost10 Tue 20-Sep-16 23:21:53

not wishing to be alarmist, but children have been killed by vit D "megadoses", I'm not saying don't take what is prescribed, but I think you do need to treat the medication with a little more respect.

Apart from toxicity, fatalities, etc, taking too much disrupts absorption to the point where the amount absorbed can actually go DOWN

NoMudNoLotus Tue 20-Sep-16 23:25:50

I need to hide this thread shock it is dangerous to OD a child ( or anyone) on vit d.

Do people not realise this is why we take bloods? ? To determine the extent of the deficiency and to assess what dose will be required ?

PikachuSayBoo Tue 20-Sep-16 23:26:12

I was googling And lots of people are getting prescribed 4000 iu a day.

She's only been taking extra for two days and the pains aren't any worse today than they've been last week.

NoMudNoLotus Tue 20-Sep-16 23:27:08

Did you read what I said OP?

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